Wednesdays With Watson: Faith & Trauma Amy Watson- PTSD Patient-Trauma Survivor

Finding Solace in Faith Amidst Domestic Abuse & Alzheimers ft. Crissy Loughridge

• Amy Watson: Trauma Survivor, Hope Carrier, Precious Daughter Of The Most High God • Season 6 • Episode 1

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Let's embark on a profound journey together to explore the interconnection of faith and trauma framed within the context of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Inspired by Psalm 42 and the poignant song "Storm" by Lifehouse, we shed light on how faith can offer solace amidst the storm of abuse and violence. Our guest, the inspirational Crissy Loughride, joins us to share her insights and personal stories that resonate with strength, resiliency, and faith.

As the conversation unfolds, we dive deeper into the concept of 'not yet', reflecting on how Crissy's mother's faith and fervor for shaped our perspectives. We invite you to find solace in the power of faith and music as we discuss the comforting influence of the song 'Storm'. With a raw and honest portrayal of our struggles and healing, we extend the hopeful message that our lives should glorify God despite challenging circumstances. Emphasizing the omnipresence of God, we navigate the inner and external taunts that life throws at us. So, prepare to draw strength and solace from our enlightening and heartfelt exchange.

You ARE:
SEEN KNOWN HEARD LOVED VALUED

Speaker 1:

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go meet with God? My tears have been my food both day and night. Why people say all day long when is your God? Hey everybody, and welcome back to the Wednesdays with the Watson Podcast. It is October of 2023 and we are excited to bring you a brand new season as we move towards this podcast on faith and trauma. Today I'd love to welcome back the very well-liked Chrissy Lothrid to the podcast. Chrissy, welcome back to the podcast.

Speaker 2:

I am so happy to be here.

Speaker 1:

Well, chris, we were going to do this episode when we were in summer, in Psalms and-.

Speaker 2:

Several months ago, summer kind of left. We're usually right on time, always Just in time.

Speaker 1:

Even in Florida, though, it feels not summer. So we are in the new season of faith and trauma. And, chris, I just really want to talk today because I would be remiss if I didn't also recognize that it is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and this is a special month for you and for me, and for Jesus really, and the story. And so, before we open up, I wanted to open up reading that part of the Psalm, because I have some strong memories of when you and I first met. Do you remember when we had just met and you somehow figured out that I liked two things the Jaguars and music?

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker 1:

Do you remember the song that you sent me?

Speaker 2:

You know I think we shared quite a few songs but early on, even before our California trip, which we had a lot of car time and a lot of song time so we gained a greater appreciation for similar taste and music. But before that we would chat late into the night and you had a lot of stuff going on and one of the songs I sent you was by Life House and it's called Storm and for a long time it was not on any of their records. It was just a gosh I found it like in one of those like Nance stir things.

Speaker 2:

Yes, yes, and I snagged that song and I still have that version of it, which is better than, I think, the one they finally did record, but it's a, it's a, it's a fantastic song.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so you said I was going through some stuff. So for those of you new to the podcast, you might want to go back and I will link them in the episode. But but Chrissy came on when I first started the podcast as my memory keeper because I was remembering some things incorrectly, as is true, with trauma, as I am learning, as I'm pursuing my doctorate degree. But I do remember. Yeah, we had some stuff going on, right? Yeah, I remember in my apartment this is before you and I became roommates I remember just this lyric and I remember we were instant messaging on Facebook, I think. But the song starts how long have I been in this storm, so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form? The water's getting harder to tread, with these waves crashing over my head. And then it this is the lyric. I remember actually texting you. I know you didn't bring me out here to drown, so why am I 10 feet out and upside down? Barely surviving has become my purpose, because I'm so used to living underneath the surface.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah. And the faith enough to say I know you didn't bring me out here to drown.

Speaker 1:

But why am I 10 feet under and upside down? And so it reminded me of this song, where the song is says and we believe it was.

Speaker 2:

Your tears have been my food. My tears have been my food. Yeah, this is, this is. This is not a good moment.

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 2:

And we're assuming that this is a song of David?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I was just looking at to mine says the sons of Korra for the director of music.

Speaker 1:

But yeah, we're assuming that a song of David certainly is one of the songs of lament and so, regardless of who wrote it, it's a song of lament. And so I just want to talk a little bit today, chrissy, as we move into a new season, and not not like an actual season of the podcast, but a new, I don't even want to say purpose, but a new understanding, and I feel like I'm answering a calling of connecting faith and trauma and stop trying to get to the listener who may not be listening, who does not love Jesus. I mean, obviously I want those listeners, but I want to connect this podcast with Jesus is the only answer. And as the song opens up, as the deer pants for the streams of water, so my, so my soul pants for you, my God, my soul thirst for you, for the living God.

Speaker 1:

When can I go and meet with God? And I remember that night in the apartment. And so, as we are talking about domestic violence awareness month obviously a significant trauma I want to talk about the faithfulness of God, chrissy, and you and I. I'm so honored to do this life with you, but it's really, let's just say, a rough, rough go.

Speaker 2:

And I think that you know there is. There is the taunting of where is your God from outside, and there is the taunting from within when is my God, tell me more about that taunting from within.

Speaker 2:

And I think that that is where we, we question okay, we where, where is, where is my God? And verse five is is such a powerful answer to that. Why are you in despair? Why are you so disturbed? Within me, Hope in God, for I shall yet praise him for the help of his presence. His presence is always here. Sometimes it doesn't feel that way and I think within all of us is that where are you God? He hasn't changed, right, and with our job, with our faith is to say your character is unchanging, my circumstances are always changing, and I think that is the rub, because it's so easy to question when are you God? I think it's natural.

Speaker 1:

And it's a question that I don't think that he is. I mean, I think he welcomes it, right, he can answer that question. I'm right here, hello, I'm right here.

Speaker 2:

It's in the Bible. So he clearly didn't say OK, let's cut out that one, we don't want that verse in there. So clearly it's OK to ask the question, but grapple with it and don't stay there. Land at the place where you hope in God.

Speaker 1:

And that honest statement where you say I know you didn't bring me out here- to drown.

Speaker 2:

That is trusting the character of God.

Speaker 1:

Because you can talk to him.

Speaker 2:

You can say I know you didn't do this, I'm six feet under and upside down, or 10 feet or 100 feet up.

Speaker 1:

Where are you?

Speaker 2:

Right, this is where I am, but I know that you didn't bring me out here to drown. And that is the starting point, for everything is trusting in the character of God.

Speaker 1:

We could put a period there right, like we could be done with the podcast and trusting in the character of God. And you go down to verse 7, and I think this is what happens with mine and your friendship, this deep friendship that the Lord has given us. That day, that night, it was like 2 AM, and this is good. Now, these days you stay up to 2 AM. I don't know why, because I'm in bed at 9 o'clock, but this was at 2 AM and it was a significant sacrifice for you to be instant messaging me.

Speaker 1:

But I love that deep calls, the deep in the roar of your waterfalls. All of your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day, the Lord directs his love. At night, his song is with me, a prayer to God for my life. I want to say God, my rock, here you go. Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy? And he asks again in verse 11,. He ends the song again with why, my soul, are you so downcast? Why are you so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for yet I will praise him, my Savior and my God.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

And so when we talk about the character of God, chrissy, I know that there are people out there and we're still looking for the Antarctica listener, but on all continents. And something happened several weeks ago in Life Group. There's a young lady in our church who does some short-term mission work in Uganda and she shared with us about how a lady that had actually taught her the language and helped her when she was on the mission field talk to the people of the village. Well, this lady had had a miscarriage and because she had that miscarriage, her husband beat her, which was part of the culture. And I remember just sitting in that Life Group where the leader of the Life Group looked at me because she knows my story and she said are you all right? Because it kind of really caught me off guard. And so I began to think, chrissy, like in the deep parts of Africa where there are people like that, it's God there too.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, I think that it's so easy for us to try to come up with where he can't possibly be there. And I think for me one of those questions was and I didn't even know I was asking the question, but as her brain has deteriorated, it was a thought of, oh well, I guess he just can't, there's nothing that God can do about that. The brain isn't there and so he's gone. Now I'm going to go to heaven, but he's gone, and in a very, very sweet and unique way the Lord answered that. So specifically for me, I had gone up to Crystal River to see mom and she was at the phase of the disease where she was saying garbally gook, Like barely any words were coming out, and I joke that she had just said scarabity do, and it sounded just like Scooby-Doo to me.

Speaker 2:

But I was like, well, that's, those aren't words, and I just want to mean a meaningful moment. So usually I can say you know, our God is good and it will stir something within her. And so I said, well, mom, do you want to pray? And she said yes, and I was like, wow, a word. I was so happy. I was like, wow, she actually said a word that I could understand. And so I'm thinking, ok, great, I have my moment, I'm going to pray, what would be the most important prayer for mom in this moment.

Speaker 2:

And as I'm thinking, all of my thoughts about me out of mom comes oh Lord, we're so grateful. And she just prayed. She prayed, this woman who had no words prayed, and I just sat there. I had no faith, but the fact that she said, oh Lord, we're so grateful, wow, I thought I've got so many things to be grateful for. She's got nothing. There's nothing to be grateful for. You've lost everything, but you can't take my Jesus. You can't take her Jesus. You can take her brain, but you can't take her Jesus and you can't take my Jesus.

Speaker 2:

And that was one of those loopholes I had put out there for God. And my tie-in is this you may be in a situation where you're thinking, yes, god is everywhere and he can help in all situations except this one. There's no, except this one. He is, his character, is faithful always, it is true to who he is, always and it can't be taken away from you, no matter what, and I'm so grateful for that. God answered a prayer I had never even uttered out loud. That's how good he is. Is this gut-wrenching with mom? It sure is. Has it been gut-wrenching for 15 years, as you have dived into all of the past pain and current pain and suffered new things? It's been gut-wrenching, but has God been faithful? He has. He has Because it's true to his character.

Speaker 1:

And I think that's the tie-in for me when I look into the new time, the new literal season, like season of life of the podcast, where I find myself these days clinging on to every single word and every single description of the character of God.

Speaker 2:

Yes For hope right For hope yeah, my teotanist is not going to be downcast, because I have hope. I will always have hope, even if I'm in the late stages of Alzheimer's. My hope is still going to be in Jesus, for I shall yet praise him. It'll either be here or it'll be in heaven. Yeah, and both.

Speaker 1:

And I had the opportunity when we were in Texas to meet one of your friends who is a new listener Shout out to Lauren but she talked about this concept of and I've not been able to get it off my mind already, but not yet and so, as I'm on the other side seeing you go through, I mean, I loved your mama and I told you years ago when I met your parents, like I'm not quite sure who's going to be there for you when they get sick, because I'm going to suck at it, and I have actually proven that to be correct. But when I think of this woman who was so vibrantly full of life and, more importantly, she was dripping, dripping, dripping with Jesus, like this is somebody who would stop and pray ever. I remember being really uncomfortable about that with her popcorn prayers, you know. And I was at church the other night and I lead a group there and this young lady was telling us about her mom and needed prayer. And, chrissy, when I tell you that it was not a time to just stop what you're doing and pray, it was not a time, I was like, no, let's stop and pray. And so I laughed a little bit because this was who Mama Bootsie was. This is who we lost and she lost, and all of this happened like right when your dad retired and they were going to enjoy all the things, and she lost a lot, and we don't know how much. She knows that she lost, but for her to sit in there and say, oh Lord, we are so grateful, that is muscle memory, that is the character of God.

Speaker 1:

And so, as we think about domestic violence awareness month and people that are listening to me on the other side of this microphone who either aren't as far along and they're healing as I am, or they are, let me just tell you something this month really is still very difficult for me, because not only are we highlighting such, to use your mom's example, these are dark times. This was a significant loss for all of us and the fallout has been unbelievable, and so this is a hard month for me for a lot of reasons. I was hospitalized if you, if listeners, if you go back to season one. I was hospitalized after a complete nervous breakdown and that turned, and then after that, we were fighting with John and all the violent things, and you had another song in those days that you taught me, and I bet that Mama Bootsy would say this too. And it's a Bevo Norman song. Bevo needs to come back. But anyway, bevo Norman song. When your faith is hard to find, you can borrow mine. And did you borrow the faith of an Alzheimer's patients that day?

Speaker 2:

Right right.

Speaker 1:

I mean like seriously, yeah, yeah. And when you and Chrissy, when you say that she doesn't say words, scarby Dude sounds about right for what she says. And so I guess my point is this is, as I have this great desire, moving forward with the podcast, to continue to highlight the star of the story but help people understand this verse opens up as as the deer pans for the water, so my soul long after you. Shane and Shane have a song. They sing this song. You, oh Lord, are my heart's desire and I long to worship you.

Speaker 1:

And as we have walked through the last 15 years, as you mentioned, with me with a diagnosis of complex post-traumatic stress disorder and I might have just accepted that in the last year maybe it has been difficult it has been difficult to watch the trials that you have gone through from a health standpoint too. And yet we already have 100% healing, but not yet. And so I want to use this microphone in my platform to be faithful in telling people that you are listening to two people who understand darkness. You watched, chrissy. I can't imagine what it might have been for you. Maybe you could share a little bit with the listeners 15 years ago when, for the most part, you had lived a life. Now you had thyroid cancer and some. Yeah, you didn't live a life free of suffering, but certainly stories like mine weren't a part of my everyday right.

Speaker 1:

Or even part of your thought process. Right, and I remember because you're such a person that loves justice, like you being so angry for me. And now, 15 years later, we're sitting across from each other. I am so grateful for you. I am so grateful for that.

Speaker 1:

I know that, you know, and so, for those of you out there who are in darkness right now, we don't have time to share all of my story again, but suffice it to say, from pre-verbal age until current, I have dealt with just about every kind of abuse that you can imagine, and then we talk about losing this giant in our lives and at the end of the day, these are the words you're hearing me coming out of my mouth.

Speaker 1:

Regardless of the seven people that abused me as a child, regardless of the abandonment of my mom, regardless of the domestic violence, regardless of the four-order immune diseases, I will yet praise him and I will hope that one day, when I don't make sense, that the only thing that will come out of my mouth is oh Lord, we are so grateful. We are so grateful Because we are, we are, and that doesn't mean that life is pretty. I mean, even in the last week, you've watched me live with the ills of post-traumatic stress disorder and we could get discouraged about that and go when is healing coming for Amy? But what I know is that, as the deer pans for that water, that's what I want to wake up to, because that is the only answer to why did you bring me out here to drown? You need me, you have to be, we have to, chrissy, we have to believe in the sufficiency of God. Yeah, and it's not just for get out of jail moments, right?

Speaker 2:

It's not just your foxhole moments, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, he is not a God up there that his job is to do everything for us. And so, as we move forward and if you're listening to this and you picked up this podcast because it's in October and it's Domestic Violence Awareness Month I do hope that my story will bring you hope. But my story is a mirror of the character of God that Chrissy is talking about, because there is no reason why I should be on this planet breathing air, much less pursuing a doctorate degree.

Speaker 2:

Right, right.

Speaker 1:

Right, much less being behind a microphone and helping other people, and so the mission moving forward of this podcast is going to be to help people understand. Look, I get it. You want to say why did you bring me out here to drown? Say it, yeah, because you know what he has an answer for that Right. And this is, and this is one of the most quoted Bible verses on this podcast Hebrews 4.15. We do not serve a high priest unfamiliar with our sufferings. Yeah, we sell Jesus in the garden, basically saying to the father Whoa, wow.

Speaker 1:

Why did you bring me out here to drown, and can you come help me, by the way? And so, as we close the podcast, I want to share a last verse that I think that is, I hope, a picture of my life. If you know my story and if you know me at all, and I know that this is true of you too, chrissy, and this definitely would be true of your mama, whose favorite scene as we both are in very interesting parts of our lives in this moment but one of my favorite things that she always told us is God isn't ringing his hands up in heaven.

Speaker 2:

That's the truth.

Speaker 1:

And I remember looking at her going woman, listen, you don't know, but she did know, right. And then she said this is not caught God off guard. So if you're out there listening to us and you're in a dark room and you're maybe even listening to this and you've had to hide it from an intimate partner, god is faithful and he will get you through it. But you have to ask the question, not necessarily why did you bring me out here to drown? You can ask that one, but you have to be honest with him, like that Psalmist did. Why are you so downcast? Because, essentially, you don't have a reason to be downcast because of the faithfulness of God.

Speaker 1:

Romans 12, 12. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer, rejoice in the confident hope, be patient in trouble and keep on praying. And so we'd love to give the mic to you as we end here, if you have any parting words for those people out there in darkness, chrissy, because it seemed like that moment when Mama Bootsy was a turning point for you, as it pertained to how you're processing this loss.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think that I think what was, and continues to be, very sweet of that moment is the unexpectedness of it and the kindness that God would answer a prayer that he didn't have to answer, that I hadn't uttered, that he cares enough for, as Mom would say, my little feelings.

Speaker 1:

Yes, that he would. Oh, I forgot that part.

Speaker 2:

That he would. It was just caring and kind of the Lord and personal and the reminder that we serve an infinitely large God who also cares about the infinitely small details.

Speaker 1:

And let's stop there for a second. Serve an infinitely large God who cares about the infinitely small details.

Speaker 2:

We can't do that. It's very hard for my logical mind to say you're both big and small. It doesn't right, it doesn't compute, and so that helps me when he does things like that, and I'm reminded that he knows me and my struggles personally and all six, seven, eight billion people on the planet however many we've gotten up to now, he knows both and I'm just grateful for that.

Speaker 2:

So I would encourage you, look for those moments, because what God is going to show up because again, it's his character. So look for him, because he's there and he's going to show up.

Speaker 1:

Well, thank you, and I say to the Chrissy Lotharges out there who got called, maybe dragged into my world and to help an Amy Watson, and if you are that person for somebody this month of October or forever, one of the things that you always did, chrissy, was point me to Jesus. Sometimes it was through music, most times it was through music, but you pointed me to Jesus and so if you're out there and you're in Chrissy's spot 15 years from now, you could be sitting across from somebody whose life you helped save. And I was so grateful that you brought up, as we close out here, the character of God because, again, as we've mentioned, as we pant for that precious water, that is the only water that will quench our thirst, we do have to remember the character of God. Do I understand God? Absolutely not, but what I do know is that he is faithful to complete those things that he started and you see that in Philippians 1-6. But one of the things that I just want to close this out and thank you for being here with us today, chrissy but one of the things that you just said that reminded me of the character of God, as you said, that was kind of God to be in the minute details and when Cory Asbury came out with this song and I'm going to read the lyrics when he came out with this song it is probably. I think I looked the other day and I played like 137 times on my phone because I also don't want you out there thinking that if you are in a dark time whether your mom has Alzheimer's, or whether you're in the middle of domestic violence, relationship or add any number of things going on in this world right now that the last thing you think of is that God is kind. And I thought Cory Asbury did a really great job.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes marriages don't work, sometimes babies die, sometimes rehab turns to relapse and you're just left asking why. And for all the prayers I prayed, I still wonder if he's real, and this lyric gets me. And if he is, how is he choosing who? He does and doesn't heal? The course says I've tried to run from Jesus. I've started holy wars, I've tried the patient waiting and kicking down the doors. I've cursed his name in anger and raised my fist to the sky and in return, all he's ever been is kind. And he ends it with and I know it wasn't there, but when I look up at that cross I see the darkest day in history. I guess that's what kindness costs.

Speaker 1:

I've tried to run from Jesus. I've started holy wars, I've tried the patient waiting and the kicking down the doors. He knows I don't deserve it, but he's never changed his mind Because all he's ever been is kind. I challenge you listeners, to frame your pain as the kindness of God. Pant for that water, the only water that will ever fill that broken, broken heart that you might have. So we will be back here in two weeks. I will have Dr Catherine Jackson on and she will talk about faith and domestic violence, and so we will see you guys then. Thank you so much, chrissy, for being here.

Speaker 2:

Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1:

All right, we'll be back in two weeks guys.

Speaker 3:

Let my life be one more time, and when my hope is fading and when worries do assail me, I will remember how you never failed me. You have pulled me out from the depths. You have saved me from certain death. You have shown yourself faithful to me over and over Jesus. So let my life glorify you and teach me to walk beside you. I want to be more like you, so let my life be one, more by you, more by you, more by you.

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