Wednesdays With Watson: Faith & Trauma Amy Watson- PTSD Patient-Trauma Survivor

Finding Strength in Faith: Personal Journeys of Resilience and Healing

• Amy Watson: Trauma Survivor, Hope Carrier, Precious Daughter Of The Most High God • Season 6 • Episode 13

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When Takiya La'Shaune stepped into the studio, her presence brought forth an aura of strength shaped by her own brush with childhood trauma. Our conversation, set against the backdrop of April's significance for Child Abuse and Autism Awareness, becomes a sanctuary where faith and healing intertwine. Takiya, with her podcast 'Behind the Smile', joins us in uncovering the resilience that faith can foster, even as life throws its cruelest curveballs. We marvel at the courage of our guests who share their heart-wrenching yet inspiring stories of maintaining faith amidst life's storms, demonstrating the profound comfort and transformation that can arise from a steadfast belief in something greater.

The power of faith often shines brightest against the darkness of adversity, and that's what our guests' narratives illuminate—each a beacon guiding us through forgiveness, acceptance, and the arduous path to recovery. From a mother's relentless hope during her daughter's mental health crisis to a miraculous turn of events following a devastating car accident, these stories are not just spoken; they are lived testaments to faith's enduring presence. They remind us that faith, in its essence, is not merely a concept but a living, breathing force that accompanies us through our most challenging trials, offering solace and a sense of divine companionship.

As your host, I, too, share my personal encounter with faith as I faced my son's life-threatening accident—a moment where time stood still, and everything hinged on the power of prayer and trust in the unseen. This episode culminates with an outpouring of love and value to you, Takiyah, and all our listeners, inviting you to find solace in your beliefs. Whether your journey is marked by trauma or the search for meaning, let the stories shared here be a source of strength and a reminder that you are never alone on this winding road.

You ARE:
SEEN KNOWN HEARD LOVED VALUED

Speaker 1:

he starts to go into a panic attack and his numbers, the monitors and stuff start beeping. And then he looks at me and his eyes gloss and glaze over, and then just this long, and then he closed his eyes.

Speaker 3:

Hey everybody, and welcome back to Wednesdays with Watson. It is March of 2024. I am so excited to bring today's episode to you. Somehow, guys, we have landed on a few episodes pertaining to childhood trauma, and today's episode will add some to that as we barrel into April, which is Child Abuse Awareness Month, as well as Autism Awareness Month, and so you don't miss that content coming to you in April, right there, when you're in your app, the kindest thing that you can do for me is subscribe or follow the podcast. It doesn't cost you anything, but it helps the show grow.

Speaker 3:

Before we drop into today's episode with Takaya Lashon, who is a podcaster herself. Her podcast is called Behind the Smile I would just love to encourage you to remember that our purpose here is to help people who have walked crooked roads of hurt and pain. Our focus right now is why do people keep the faith? And so, as we drop into this conversation today with Takaya, I would love for you to be edified by this episode and hopefully, something that you hear today will help you, in fact, keep the faith. Welcome, takaya, to the Wednesdays with Watson podcast. I am so excited to have you here. How are you?

Speaker 1:

Hey, amy, I'm good. I'm just super excited to be here too. I love it. I've been looking forward to sitting on your podcast. I've been listening in and it's just an honor. So I'm doing great and excited to be here.

Speaker 3:

Well, I'm excited to have you. So I think you are coming to us from South Carolina, is that correct?

Speaker 1:

I'm actually currently in Tennessee right now, but South. Carolina. I do travel between South Carolina, Georgia and Tennessee, so at any given moment, yes.

Speaker 3:

I got you. It's an occupational hazard. I know area codes. Yeah Well, thank you for being here today. This has not been an episode that we have had to reschedule multiple times, which always tells me that it's going to be something that the Lord really wants for our listeners today. So, Takaya, you yourself are a podcast host relatively new podcast host, right.

Speaker 1:

Yes, fairly new. January 18th I launched and that was a complete direct order from God to do so. Yeah, we're going to hear more. A complete direct order from God to do so.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, we're going to hear more about that direct order from God, because I do.

Speaker 3:

Everybody that knows me and has listened to any episode of the Wednesdays with Watson podcast believes in the truth of Philippians 112, takaya, which is my life verse, and that verse says Paul says I want you to know that the things that have happened to me have really happened to further the gospel, and so it is my honor to sit across the screen from you today, for both of us to do that, and so you're here today to share some things with us, and so, as I mentioned to you in the pre-interview, we are I keep saying it's a season.

Speaker 3:

I have a feeling it's just going to kind of be the theme of the rest of the podcast about faith and trauma, and it all started when I was beginning to formulate what I wanted to do for my dissertation and Takiyah. I am very, very fascinated about why some people who have been through things that you and I have been through keep the faith and some people walk away. And so I'm on this mission, on this podcast, to talk to people and find out different ways people are hanging on to their faith. I've yet to get somebody here that did not hold on to their faith. I want that guest. I have not gotten them yet and I think that speaks to the power of faith itself, right.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it does, it really does.

Speaker 3:

So my first question for you, which is the only question I'm asking everybody for this series of podcasts, because I love to hear the different answers and I can kind of see myself putting together an episode with everybody's answers and talking about it. But what does faith mean to you?

Speaker 1:

Okay, that's a really good question and I think that is so amazing that, like you said, you've not had anyone that has just completely walked away from the faith. And it's a testament because those of us who are in faith, who have gone through things, who have suffered pain and have found purpose in it, it ties beautifully even into scripture, which you just quoted. It ties beautifully even into scripture what you just quoted. So I will say, for me, faith, for me goes. We can directly look at Hebrews 11 and 1. That's a theme, scripture, that I go to Now.

Speaker 1:

Faith is the substance of hope, the evidence of things not seen. I was taught some years ago to focus in on the first word of that scripture, which is now N-O-W. And sometimes we just run across that because you know, with scripture you have to know what's going on before you have to go back up a few verses and read it and then come down to get the full context of it. But when you just zone in on now faith and you look at those two words our faith what is being said is that our faith is supposed to remain present. It's supposed to remain in the now for healing or deliverance or reconciliation, restoration, whatever it is you're believing in God for. It says that faith is the evidence of things not seen.

Speaker 1:

So faith is the trust walk. Okay, it means we have to trust in the unseen, and that in itself sounds it sounds crazy, right, it sounds like you want me to trust in something that I haven't seen and you want me to just to hold on to a word that this is true. But when we are going through things and we are believing in God for something, we have to stay in the present. It has to. We have to keep a hold of it. It has to remain. For me, that is what faith is. It is absolutely about trust, and when you look at what trust is, trust is a deep hope that something will happen. It's a commitment that you believe in something, that it's going to happen. I don't care what anyone says, I don't even care what I tell myself. I just need to stay anchored in the now that I believe in the unseen, and God is the unseen, and so that's what faith means to me.

Speaker 3:

What a beautiful answer.

Speaker 3:

First of all, bit of a mic drop because this whole series is based on Hebrews, chapter 11, actually, and I never thought about that now being the first word in what I call the Hebrews Hall of Fame and so so interesting.

Speaker 3:

But yeah, I agree with you in so much as the people that I've interviewed and, like I said, I've yet to interview somebody that was like I I've talked to people, and myself included, where I walked away and I kind of air quote that a little bit because I might have scooted away or just didn't whatever from from my faith for a second during a hard time, but what I found to be true was that didn't work out really well for me, that that that rock bottom was never going to to come, that you know that my life would probably end in an early demise unless I figured out how to, like you said, stay in the present, stay in what I know to be true, and that faith is the evidence of things not seen, and you're quite a bit younger than me, but I will tell you that it's kind of cool as you move on in life, where you can actually begin to look back and go oh, now I can see it, I can see how that faith walk.

Speaker 3:

You know those times, yes, those times, sakia, when you are prostrate on the ground in front of a holy God because of what you've been through, front of a holy God because of what you've been through, and I look back at those times and I because we struggle all the time with faith, right, and so you look back at those times and I. So I think your point is such a valid one in that if we stay in it, right, we stay present, we continue to remind ourselves every day look what he has done, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, Every day look what he has done.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's evidence too, right, moving forward. Yeah, faith is the evidence of the things of hope, things of hope for, and the Bible tells us, hope deferred makes our hearts sick, right, make the heart sick and the evidence of things not seen. And so I do think that, as trauma survivors, you and I can look back and see the faithfulness of God. All of our lives he has been faithful. All of our lives he has been so, so good. So, before you begin to tell us your story, I want to ask you a question Okay, has he been faithful to you all of your life?

Speaker 1:

Every ounce of it. I mean from the beginning to current, and even my end. He's faithful. And I could say that because I mean that question that ignites so much in me, because that is my consistent and constant place of thanksgiving to God for being faithful, and it's also my present to keep me knowing that, no matter what I've endured or what's to come, maybe even God, you're faithful. It is literally the cry and the prayer of my heart.

Speaker 1:

God, I thank you for your faithfulness, even when I couldn't see it, even when I didn't know you my childhood and coming through now. I didn't grow up in church, so I didn't know God the way that I know him now, but he always knew me. It's just what you said. You can look back on your life and you can see the faithfulness of God. You can see how, even when I may not have knew him, he knew me. Even when I knew him and I was acting like I didn't know him, he knew me. I just was having a conversation with God and I just told him. I said God, you're faithful. There's things that I have not seen manifest. There's promises that you have assured me, you will give me, and everything about the situation is making it look like that's not true. But God, I trust you because you're faithful and I love you because you love me.

Speaker 3:

So he's been so faithful to me, so faithful, amy, so faithful, you saying that our enemy is making it all look untrue. So faithful, amy, so faithful. Close my eyes and think about people listening to this podcast and the vision that comes into my mind is people in a dark room with earbuds in their ears, just clinging to every single word, which is why this is such an important endeavor that we do here. And so, as we talk about as I, as I ask you, you know, has God been faithful to you? It's typically a question I would normally ask for the end. I wanted to ask it first because I, you know, I know a little bit about what you're going to tell us. It's interesting when I, when we were prepping for the interview, and I explained to you what we're trying to do here, you were like well, I could talk on this, this, this, this and this, and that reminded me a lot of my story, which is this multi-layered trauma. But one of the things and I hope that you don't mind me saying this, uh, takia, and and if you do, I'll edit it out, but I think it's important to bring this up before you begin to tell us your story.

Speaker 3:

As in the united states of america, I know, this podcast is listened to all over the world, but at least in the united states of america, and probably in most parts of the world, a african-american female is the most impotent person in society because of various and sundry things. You are both African American and you are a woman, and this world wants to silence women, but, in particular, it wants to silence racial trauma, and so the fact that you are on this podcast my podcast and you have your podcast tells us we are telling the world you will not be silenced, because behind the smile is a story, and so here's the part where I would love for you. However, the Lord is leading you to share some dark times that you've walked through, so that the listeners can hear something that would encourage them to say all of my life, he has been faithful. The mic is yours, whatever you want to share.

Speaker 1:

Wow, that's so beautifully packaged and presented to allow me to just freely move and speak. Number one to represent God. Number two, thank you acknowledging I'm not just a woman, but I'm a Black woman, and the trauma and the trials that I've endured, and so I just I honor you and I thank you for that, and I want to take my time and completely be led of the Holy Spirit, of the voice of God, in this, because you said something that literally gave me chills while you were speaking room, with earbuds in their ears and just holding on to searching, cleaning, almost even to hear someone say something that they can relate to or that can encourage them or uplift them, and not even just uplift them. But these are souls that we are speaking to, so what we say matters so, so much that there's so much that's in the balance there. So this is life changing. So I just honor you for that. There are so many things that I could talk about. Literally. I'd say I'm a lifetime movie in real life. I love it. I mean there's so many different aspects and I even have questioned God and said what is going on with my life. God, I trust you and I believe you, and I just don't understand sometimes why there's so many things one after the other. But then I'm reminded in conversations and in community like this. This is why Because God chose to use me as a vessel and a voice to the nations and he found someone in you and I and many others that he can entrust with that calling To, I guess, summarize a lot of the things I've gone through, starting from my childhood up through this very moment.

Speaker 1:

I come from a history of abuse. In my childhood I was molested as a child by my stepfather and in moving forward many people will find in my book I found forgiveness. My finding Christ helped me to find forgiveness in that and that in itself is huge. And I know, even in this day and age something like that makes the natural human mind go tilt because you go. How can you forgive and even love and even still communicate with someone who's brought you so much hurt and pain? But when you find faith in the Lord and Christ and he deals with your heart and you allow him to love on you and heal you, that's where that entrance of grace comes in. And all of my story, even leading up to present day, where I have been married and divorced and my ex-husband became my stalker. I became a victim of intimate spouse stalking and even now, in the midst of someone that I heard God say, this is your husband and now I am state's witness against this man.

Speaker 1:

There's a lot of God, wise, but it's goodness and it's grace and it's mercy and even forgiveness but, it's goodness and it's grace and it's mercy and even forgiveness for that individual, my ex-husband, who's caused me so much hurt and pain. It's only the as Cece Winan said, the goodness of God, so abuse. In my childhood I had a father figure in the home. I grew up in a two-parent home Mother. A father is my stepfather, but nonetheless I called him dad. He's my dad. I call him dad today and in I will say this in finding forgiveness and of course I'm covering a lot of time in a small timeframe in my accepting Christ and learning forgiveness I was able to introduce my family to Christ and my stepfather who accepted Christ, and so that's how we've been able to grow in that relationship.

Speaker 3:

Okay, hang on one second, one second. This is crazy. This is absolutely insane. You are the second guest in four weeks that was sexually abused and this was her father, not her stepfather. And so I'm talking to her like I'm talking to you and I knew that part of her story, but then she told me her own journey to forgiveness and listeners you can go back and listen to this. This is Tina Ivey story story, but yeah, she kind of just nonchalantly drops, like what you just did on me.

Speaker 3:

Now he's a christian and so we need to stop here, because I think one of the important things that does separate you from my other guests is most guests that have come on did grow up in a christian home and so so you were living with sexual abuse, which is an adverse childhood experience. It is also one of the DSM-5's criterion for post-traumatic stress disorder, which I would imagine you have. I'm not a doctor yet, but I would imagine that you've got some of that going on. That being said, we also did a whole series on forgiveness, and I am still stunned, even though I've found my own journey to forgiveness. I'm also a domestic intimate partner, violence victim, stalker, had had to have everything on lockdown for a couple years before he actually ultimately died, but. But most people grew up in a Christian home, and so so you were being abused in this home. You haven't even mentioned where your, your biological father is, and so that is another adverse childhood experience. But talk to us about how you got saved. We want to know that. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

So my salvation, I was me back up a little bit. I was born in St Louis, missouri. I grew up in Southern California and then, after graduating high school, moved to the East Coast, south Carolina, the Southeast, and I was there from the age of 19 on until about two years ago, and I was 20 years old and I was pregnant with my first child. I was eight months pregnant that's how I remember it and I worked at a daycare and the lady that owned the daycare invited me to church. Now, growing up, like I said, I did not grow up in church. My mom, my mom, came from a very big family, 14 siblings, there were 14 of them and my grandmother had all of them in church. Okay, now, when my mom had children, there's just two of us, myself and my sister. We grew up on the West coast, since she didn't have us in church, but I do remember her. During the summer she would send us to vacation Bible school, and that was my first introduction to any kind of faith or knowledge of God or Jesus. And so as a child, as a kid, in the summers, it was something I enjoyed Growing up, graduating high school, becoming a young adult, moving to the south, from the West Coast, southern Bible Belt, where I tell everybody on the West Coast it was a complete culture shock.

Speaker 1:

Growing up on the West Coast, I tell people it's like you see on TV, it's just pretty and it's a lifestyle, it's beautiful. And I say, on the West Coast there's a liquor store on every corner. You go to the South, there is a church on every corner. Okay, you're going to get you some Jesus. And so when I moved to the South, that's what everybody you walk into that and you're like, oh, okay, I love the Lord. Now I was invited to church by the owner of the daycare that my daughter went to when I was actually working for, and she took me under her wings as kind of like a mother hen, and she introduced me to the church.

Speaker 1:

And the first day I went to the church, eight months pregnant, with my daughter. There's an altar call for salvation, and salvation's explained what it is, and I still didn't have a complete grasp on what this was. But I knew within my heart of hearts like this is what I want. If this is what God wants for me, this is what I want. And so I accepted Christ into my life that day, eight months pregnant, 20 years old, with my daughter, and I think that's so significant as we go to my story and it unfolds the calling, the anointing that's on my daughter's life as she was in my womb when I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. And you know, I would love to say that I accepted Christ and I just lived happily ever after. Yeah, no, that's not how it happened. I accepted Christ and there was still some balance of learning, relationship.

Speaker 1:

So I'm huge on relationship versus religion. We have religion, which tells us, you know, how we identify who we relate to. There's a purpose and a place for that. But God is a God of relationship and so in my earlier years I had to learn, you know, learning the rules, so to speak, of Christianity. But God, having that relationship, sitting in a quiet space with God, reading my Bible, talking to him like he's my friend, my confidant, learning all the different aspects of who he is my father, my best friend, my husband, man, god had to teach me that when we go back to talking about faith and what it means, my relationship with God taught me faith because he showed up and shows up for me every time in those secret, quiet, safe spaces.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, secret, quiet, safe spaces, and I think it's really interesting. I would be remiss if I didn't mention this here. Even though you made the profession of faith, when you were 20 years old, your grandmother took you to vacation Bible school. Profession of faith when you were 20 years old, your grandmother took you to vacation Bible school. All the children's pastors that listened to my podcast their ears are perking and dopamine and serotonin is dumping and all the things, because that's what they live for. Right, and that's part of my story too.

Speaker 3:

Even though you did not make a profession of faith until you were 20 years old, that seed was planted when you were very young in children's ministry. For me, the same thing. Somebody came into the ghetto where I lived and said hey, we got candy, you want to go to church? I went to church and that changed, altered the course of my life forever, and so I. That's really important to point out there. I also think that the relationship aspect of what you talked about is so important for trauma survivors because we already are rigid and we want rules and we want absolutes, always and nevers, and can'ts and shoulds, and because we can't deal with the ambiguity anymore. But my, my point of saying that is that when jesus is introduced into that, we call him the star of the story here on this podcast. It begins to dismantle some of those things that we can't do as a result of our trauma.

Speaker 3:

But I am curious about something, and this literally just kind of came into my mind and I am curious about this. And so you were 20 years old, pregnant, had been sexually abused by your stepfather when you got into church. Because I am from the South, I am a native Floridian. Yes, that is still the South, even though it's a melting pot, but I am a native Floridian. It is definitely the Bible Belt Church on every corner and all the things. I will tell you something else that was very prominent in my upbringing and I think we were probably maybe a decade apart from each other, but one of the things that was brought up and that was so highlighted and I'm not saying this is a bad thing, I just it probably needed to be given some context in a trauma-informed church.

Speaker 1:

But I'm curious if, when you became, a Christian if you felt any shame over the sexual abuse because of purity culture, messaging Right. So that's a really good question. I honestly did not, and this is my personal experience and I have to go with, like thinking back on it, my immediate and it's twofold, that answers twofold questions. Because when I entered church I was new to the area and I was new to this ministry and I did not feel I was embraced. I did not feel if it happened, if there was any judgment or the pushing of purity culture. I didn't experience that and so I just had a lot of people that rallied around me so I didn't feel that. Now, that was my first pregnancy. My second pregnancy, I have two children. My daughter was my first and they're six years apart. So with my second pregnancy I still don't believe I felt it from anyone within the church at that, and when I say the church, I just mean the body of Christ in general. But the interesting part, the yes is from myself.

Speaker 1:

I felt shame and guilt because here I was, six years late. Obviously, I was a single mom, 20 years old, my daughter unplanned on my terms. God is not taken by surprise, he says before.

Speaker 1:

I formed you in your mother's womb. I knew you and appointed you and called you prophet to the nation. So that child in my belly, both of them God knew. But of course, me being a single young mother, that wasn't the choices I would have made. But six years later, having my second child, my son, I was so overwhelmed with guilt and shame because here I am, a Christian now, a full-on Christian and a believer, and I know what the Bible says about premarital sex and about how God views marriage and husband and wife. And Takiyah, here you are pregnant again, this time in the church. See, the first time. For me it was like, well, I'm coming into the church.

Speaker 1:

I didn't know, and so now it's like, well, you know, and here you are again. So I actually went down a path of guilt and shame and very, very deep depression. And again it wasn't external factors, it was me beating myself up and allowing the enemy, the devil, Satan, to tell me look at what you're not, look at what you've done, look at, Look at what you've done. And so I had to receive, actually from my sisters and brothers in Christ, the encouragement to tell me I remember, I'll never forget it it was the same lady who introduced, who invited me to church.

Speaker 1:

She said something to me so powerful that it pulled me out of that slump. She said the baby's on the way. I mean it doesn't change anything. So you sitting being shameful and guilty and backing away from church because you're afraid of what people are going to think or say that does you no good. Your kid's on the way. You can't change that. Takiyah, I'll never forget that because it was so powerful, because that's the kind of love that we, as believers, are supposed to show to one another, Because when you think on that, it could have done one of two things. It could have done one of two things had I been rejected or had my that guilt and shame been perpetuated by the wrong comments, I could have went down a deeper hole.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, and that's that's exactly why I brought it up, because church leaders out there don't at me, put your thumbs down. I know we need to talk about sexual purity, but we need to be trauma informed when we do this, because you need to hear from me Takiyah again, not a doctor yet, but almost what you need to hear from me is sexual abuse victims. That is almost always their story and that you know they have children out of wedlock. Many are incredibly promiscuous because it just never got there. There are important brain functions that are alternated when you have abuse and you're really unable to make good decisions sometimes.

Speaker 3:

And so this podcast is about community and the church and counseling and Jesus, who is the star of the story, and counseling and Jesus who was the star of the story, and I am so grateful that you had both a community and a church that came alongside of you, who understood the person and not the sin Right, and I hope that they taught you and I say this often is that shame likes to tell us that we are the mistake, not that we made the mistake, not that we made the mistake right, and shame's playground is shame, and so I'm really glad to hear that the church stepped up for you. Now I do want to unpack the story of your daughter, and so you got saved when you were 20. Your family got saved. You were able to have some forgiveness transactions with your stepfather. She was literally in your womb when you accepted Jesus as your savior. Tell us about your daughter and how that plays into why you hold onto your faith like you do.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's a lot to unpack there and I just where to start Lord With my daughter and I just where to start Lord With my daughter. She's amazing, first and foremost. She's 26 years old now and she's just brilliant. She is beautiful, she's 26. She has been previously diagnosed bipolar depressive and that diagnosis came around the age of 18, because around 16, my daughter started what I back then explained as rebellion. It just was like. It seemed like a light switch, like literally one day I had this amazing, just beautiful child. You know love her mama, we laughed all the time, we had a good relationship.

Speaker 1:

And then there was one day where I'm getting a call from the principal's office and her grades are failing and she's hanging with the wrong group of kids and she's not herself and she's staring off into space. And I go to a meeting with the counselor and my daughter all of a sudden pulls up the sleeves on her shirts and she says I've been cutting myself. And I sit horrified because I see all these gashes and wounds and cuts up and down my 16 year old daughter's arm. And I'm floored because my brain in this moment is going oh my gosh, when did this happen? Why did this happen? How is this happening? What is this happening for? What's wrong? But I'm also sitting in the school counselor's office, who had just walked out to go do something, and my brain is going. They're going to take her from me, they're going to get Child Protective Services involved and it was just this out of body moment of processing and fortunately that didn't happen. But as the days progressed and all these question marks of baby why are you doing this and what's going on Just a total light switch in her personality and I won't even I try to make sure that in telling my testimony, that I'm careful to allow her space, because it's her testimony and her story also.

Speaker 1:

But at 16, all of this happened and it was like the bottom fell out. It was like our life just completely fell apart, what I called past tense rebellion, but with this diagnosis, have come to find it's bipolar depression. And that has been a journey. And so, during this season of me not knowing what my daughter was dealing with and me not being in a church that was equipped to know that this is in addition to prayer, we need to come alongside this with mental health counseling. It was a journey to get to that place of understanding and getting that diagnosis. And so when I say what I thought was rebellion was not, it was her dealing with a mental illness, dealing with a mental illness and so in that we have gone through the cutting.

Speaker 1:

Self-mutilation was a form of expression of the pain, and this is her words that she's explained to me. This is how I let the hurt out. Now I want to be careful with that also because I do believe in spiritual attacks. I do believe that in spiritual warfare and I do believe that we have to stay in our position of praying and fighting the good faith. But I'm also an advocate for therapy and counseling and the brain needs attention and healing and help as well. And that turned into suicide attempts. I can poignantly remember at least two times that stand out when we go back to the faithfulness of God. I've watched twice where my daughter has attempted suicide and by all natural accounts and standards she should not be here. But because of the faithfulness and the grace and the mercy and the goodness of God, she's here. My daughter. What I've come to learn about her is she has an extremely close relationship with God. It's absolutely amazing the ability, the ear that she has to hear God, and I've watched God cultivate that in her from a young child.

Speaker 3:

I want to say a couple things and if I don't say it, it'll leave my brain.

Speaker 3:

The first thing is I know that God has sustained you and saved her life and is everything to you.

Speaker 3:

But you need to hear me say this I am so sorry because I do know the pain of losing a child and I'm glad that you were spared of that. I'm really sorry that you will probably, unless the Lord decides to heal her, walk through this for the rest of your life and you need to hear me say how hard that is and how difficult it is, because I and I know I haven't known you very long, but I know you don't want listeners on the other side of this thinking that that there's some sort of plug and play Christianity going on here, because I know that when we hang on to God, like you are and I love how you talk about staying present so you could stay present in that moment and pray for her. But I would also be remiss if I didn't ask you this question and make it catch you a little bit off guard. But if she would have succumbed to that first attempt, would God still be faithful?

Speaker 1:

100%, 100%, and I'm glad you circled back on that because I don't want just what you said. I know, in my testifying and talking about what God has done for me and my family, there's a lot of beauty in it, there's a lot of pain in it, but also I know it can be triggering to others who have come through similar scenarios and it didn't turn out the way that they wanted, and so I always want to be careful when I present that, because there are situations that sometimes, oftentimes, I found myself feeling guilty that God did this for us. He's sovereign why he allows or does what he does. He's God. So I never want to take away from anyone who's experienced. I have friends who have experienced child loss and it's heartbreaking For me. I have and I do you said it, I have and I do sit back and go. Is this something we're going to deal with for the rest of our lives? Or you know what, if there's one day that the scenario is different and I can 100%, beyond a shadow of a doubt, give my yes to God? Because I will tell you, I have also been placed in that position of actually seeing one of my children take their last breath and in that instant the first thing that came out of my mouth was God, I'll still trust you. Can you tell us that story? And can you tell us that story? I will? That's my son. He's now 20, he'll be 21, but when he was 17 years old he had a head-on collision in a vehicle, smack into a cluster of oak trees, and in the south, if you've seen oak trees, and in the South, if you've seen oak trees, those bad boys don't move, they stand their ground. And it wasn't one, it was like a cluster of three. And it was coming around a curve one night and lost sights, car hydroplane and went head on into oak trees.

Speaker 1:

And I was out of town on a. I was actually out of a town at a worship conference and I'd just gotten back and I, my friend and I were so still feeling the effects of being at that worship conference. We got back to my house and I'm like let's put on some more worship and let's pray. And I remember during the worship we were watching something on TV. But we were in my living room and the leader was speaking to the congregation and he says I just want everybody to go into collective worship and intercessory prayer. So we started doing that. And then he begins to pray and he says I see someone with a broken ankle, a left ankle, broken left ankle. And he says I want you know, I want you to just start praying for that person. Well, as I'm praying, my son is dropped in my spirit. He's the person that comes to mind and I'm like my kid doesn't have a broken ankle, you know he's over at a friend's house while I'm away, but I just felt so strongly about it so I start praying for him.

Speaker 1:

When I finished praying, I had turned my ringer off on my phone and I go get my phone and I see all these missed calls. I'm like what is this? So as I'm going through the calls, another call comes in. It's the police department and the officer says Miss Smith, your son is okay, but he's been in a car accident. And of course my heart dropped and so we rush out. My daughter was with me home at the time.

Speaker 1:

We rush out, we get to the emergency room and my son is laying on a table in the OR. They let me in and he's fighting shock. He's almost in a state of shock. He's 17 at the time and I just grab his hand and I just hug him and hold him. I'm here, it's okay, mom's here, and he's just panicking and eyes just all over the place darting. And he starts to go into a panic attack and his numbers, the monitors and stuff start beeping. And then he looks at me and his eyes gloss and glaze over, and then just this long. And then he looks at me and his eyes gloss and glaze over, and then just this long, and then he closed his eyes.

Speaker 1:

And in that moment I cannot tell you, amy, why. This is the first thing that came out of my mouth. It wasn't panic, it wasn't fear. I laid my head on my son's chest and I said God, I still trust you. Wow. And when I said that, my son started breathing again, turns out he had a broken left ankle from the impact from the car accident. He went through the windshield, all of this was shattered, busted up His forehead. He had went through the windshield, into the windshield rather, and he walked away from this with no internal damage, one broken bone and all of that shattered forehead. After the nurse picked out all the shard pieces of glass one single stitch.

Speaker 3:

One stitch.

Speaker 1:

Now the officer that responded. He said ma'am coming on scene looking at that accident, looking at the vehicle, he said we thought we were responding to a DOA. He said we thought we were responding to a DOA. The first person that found my son was a nurse that was driving by into the neighborhood. She wasn't on call, she wasn't a part of the first responders. She got to him just after it happened. She said she got to him. She didn't see the impact but it had just happened. She said the powder from the airbag was still in the air when she got to the car.

Speaker 3:

Goodness gracious.

Speaker 1:

When she got to the car she saw this kid with a hoodie on that had the name of his high school because he's a soccer player on this hoodie and she was like dear Lord, this is someone's baby. And she said she just went into mama mode. Now I didn't find all of this out until days later, because she didn't go with them to the hospital and because of HIPAA she couldn't follow up with him. But I didn't know what had happened and I kept praying and asking God just what happened. Who found him? How did? Because the officer didn't even know all the details. And in the days following I got a message from someone on social media that said hey, do you happen to have a son that was in a car accident and come to find out?

Speaker 3:

it was this nurse and she had been trying to find what happened to this kid what happened to this kid, the um love to point out here that and we're no longer releasing these video episodes on youtube because we don't need to but if you could have seen my face when, when you just told me that story I often don't know what listeners are going to tell me. You have shared a lot with us today. I know there's a lot more you could share, but we, as we are really talking about children and trauma and all of the things, and you yourself were a child, a traumatized child, and have broken the curse with your own children and the remarkable, the remarkable fact that your abuser, you, who you still call dad and your life loves jesus, is going to be in heaven with you crazy, your daughter, your daughter trying to take her life twice and this sustaining faith, and then, as you tell me this story about your son, the thing that resonates with me the most, that I really want listeners to stop and just listen like this is not a guest that I have on my podcast who thinks that she has it all figured out. The thing that she has constantly said in this interview, in this conversation that she and I are having together, is essentially the importance of the relationship with the star of the story, who is Jesus. Think about it as having somebody who is your wingman and you have them on speed dial, and if your wingman and you aren't on the same page and your wingman thinks you're in Indiana and you're in Washington and you need your wingman, you're going to have a problem. And so the thing that my heart is receiving from the way you're telling us your story and I know you could tell us about so much more is this constant abiding with the star of the story.

Speaker 3:

The Bible says and I believe it's in James you draw near to God and he will draw near to you. And so the moment, the aha moment in this interview for me was just now, when you said, like I am watching him die. I heard him take his last breath, his eyes glossed over and immediately, immediately, takiyah. You defaulted to the relationship, and I want to let that hang there for a second. You defaulted to the relationship, laid your head on his chest and said, oh God, help. Laid your head on his chest and said, oh God, hope, and we serve a God who.

Speaker 3:

I've got this Bible study in front of me that I help facilitate on Wednesday nights, and tonight we'll be talking about the verse in Psalms, chapter 56, where it says he collects all of our tears. Yeah, he keeps record of them, and I am so grateful that you have come on here today and that you have exemplified what it means to hang on to your faith through the unthinkable. When we talk about children, you have told us both. By the way, these are two criteria for PTSD as well when your children have had their life in limb and danger, children have had their life in limb and danger.

Speaker 3:

And so defaulting to the relationship is how we hang on to our faith. It's how we can say all my life he's been faithful. Why? Because I'm talking to him, because you're talking to him, because we know you can't have a wingman that you don't communicate with. And I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to minimize Jesus into a wingman, I'm just trying to use an analogy.

Speaker 1:

It's a beautiful analogy.

Speaker 3:

Hopefully the listeners will go with me.

Speaker 1:

Honestly, it has me in tears.

Speaker 3:

Well, this episode is going to be so amazing for our listeners because it's simple, right, we like to make it so complicated. All I can think about when I hear you talk is my own vacation, bible school and Jesus' simple song. Jesus loves me, for the Bible tells me so Little ones to him belong. I am weak. You are strong. Jesus cares. He is not a priest unfamiliar with our suffering. Hebrews 4.15. May it be said of me that I default to the relationship with the star of this story. So as we end the podcast, we're going to talk about your book and your own podcast, but I want to give the mic to you just for a couple minutes for parting words to our listeners, and then we'll talk about your book and your podcast and where they can find you book and podcast and where they can find you Beautiful.

Speaker 1:

Just tears, and you said you referenced scripture about how Jesus holds, catches every one of our tears. That was it for me. That just made the tears stream, because that's something that I do default to, as you talked about defaulting to the relationship, and thank you for receiving and understanding exactly what my heart is speaking. It's about relationship. It truly is so simple. Religion teaches us to try to follow all these rules and God is just like I've made it so simple. That's why Jesus came and God has been unraveling that for me over the past four to five years. And it is that relationship and in a relationship we're most comfortable, in those relationships where we can be ourself, where we can be vulnerable, where we can be transparent and we can show up authentically, and we can do that with God authentically and we can do that with God. That's why I've been able to get to the place that I've come to is because my safe space is my God. I would say that to the listeners. Take that with you. It's simple, it's really simple.

Speaker 1:

I do want to leave the listeners with that that you are not alone, that God is very real and a very present help in your time of need. And if you can go to anyone with your brokenness, your emptiness, your flaws, your fears, your questions, your doubt, your shame, your guilt, your hope, it's.

Speaker 3:

God, a couple of things. Sit in simplicity. Simplicity, guys. Sit in the simple message of the completed work of jesus on the cross. Sit in the simplicity. Understand that we live in a broken world and I I really don't like that description of things, but it is the only language that we have. We live in a broken world. We were not promised that we would live in this world without suffering. Suffering produces something in us and, as you mentioned, you are not alone. You will come forth as gold if you stay faithful to the star of the story.

Speaker 3:

Before I have Takiyah talk to us about where we can find her book and her podcast, I want to tell you, I want to invite you listener, if you're out there going. Well, if it's that simple, how do I have a relationship with Jesus? And in the show notes you're going to have, there's going to be two links. One will be contact Amy, one will be contact Takiyah. Both of us will be happy to introduce you to the star of the story. And so, before we head out on the podcast, thank you for being here Tell us about your book, where they can find it. I do know that your podcast is called Behind the Smile and guys go follow and subscribe her, as I mentioned and the intro is the kindest thing that you can do for a podcaster she's doing some stuff very similar to what we're doing here. I can kind of see us working together in some collaboration across episodes, but behind the Smile podcast you can find that also in the show notes and then tell us about your book and where they can find that.

Speaker 1:

All right, yes, so you can find my book Never Forsaken. That was actually my first book as a memoir and it talks about my childhood and my finding faith in Christ. You can find that on Amazon and I'll tell you the easiest way is all the links, the show notes and everything that Amy puts in. You can click on that and you're going to find everything about my podcast, my books, my speaking, events and engagements. I do restorative women's retreats that are faith-based. You can find all that information. My social handle is your smile is your weapon.

Speaker 1:

You can find that across all social media and my link tree which will put everything YouTube. Instagram website Tequila Sean ministries your smile is your weapon. Look that up and you'll find everything about me.

Speaker 3:

Perfect. Yes, I will put that in the show notes. And it's funny, Takiyah, and I'm not going to change this, because when you text me, before I put you in my phone and I haven't put you on my phone and I'm not going to, because this is what it says to me. When you text me, it says, maybe behind the smile, and it makes me smile every time, and so your smile is your weapon, because, as Mama Gown at the Children's Home used to tell me and I am pointing to my heart, what's in here comes out here on your face, and so guys default to the simple, simple, simple relationship. Thank you for being here today, takiyah. This has been such a pleasure. I have a feeling we are not done working together. Listeners, we will be back in two weeks and guess what?

Speaker 3:

It's April, which is Child Abuse Awareness Month, as well as Autism Awareness Month. I've got some really cool stuff coming for you in April. First of all, if you've been following me for any amount of time, you know that every April, for all 30 days, I go find childlike activities and do them, and we video them and we put them on all my socials. And everybody loves April, alongside why they're praying that I don't end up in the emergency room. And so the first episode we have coming for you in April is a friend of mine who is also also an author, rachel Scott McDaniel, comes and talks to us about her journey and her daughter with autism. And then the second episode of the month is a super special episode that I am keeping completely under wraps, but it will be the four-year anniversary of the Wednesdays with Watson podcast, and so we have a special episode coming for you in April. So, again, as I mentioned to you before, if you haven't liked or subscribed or followed the podcast, please do that now. And then also, last thing, be looking out for merchandise and speaking of merchandise coming out, new merchandise coming out.

Speaker 3:

Takiyah, I don't know whether you know this, I think you listen to my podcast and if you do, this will not surprise you, but I proclaim this over you and I proclaim it over everybody listening as I raise my hands to the God of the universe. Hands to the God of the universe. Takiyah and listener, you are seen, you are known, you are heard, you are loved and you are so valued. See you, guys, in two weeks.

Speaker 2:

You have saved me from certain death. You have shown yourself faithful to me Over and over Jesus. So let my life glorify you and teach me to walk beside you. And I want to be more like you. So let my life be one marked by you. And when my hope is fading and when worries do assail me, I will remember how you you never failed me. You have pulled me out from the depths. You have saved me from certain death. You have shown yourself faithful to me over and over Jesus. So let my life glorify you and teach me to walk beside you. I want to be more like you, so let my life be one marked by you, marked by you, marked by you. You, my value, my value.

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Amy Watson

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