Wednesdays With Watson: Faith & Trauma Amy Watson- PTSD Patient-Trauma Survivor

Is It PTSD? Do you want to get well?

• Amy Watson: Trauma Survivor, Hope Carrier, Precious Daughter Of The Most High God • Season 6 • Episode 18

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Have you ever felt overwhelmed by life’s challenges, unsure of how to cope? Today, I take you through my personal journey with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), sharing the relief and validation that came with understanding my diagnosis. We'll explore the critical importance of seeking professional help, navigating through the historical context of PTSD in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders (DSM), and understanding how trauma uniquely impacts each individual. 

Join me as I recount my experiences living with PTSD, including memory lapses, hypervigilance, and sleep disturbances. These symptoms profoundly affected my everyday life, but therapy, medication, and support programs like Lauren Starnes' "When the Body Talks" played crucial roles in my path to better mental health. This episode aims to shed light on the complex interplay between trauma and the mind, emphasizing the need for consistent care and professional evaluation. 

In our concluding discussions, we focus on the healing journey, exploring effective treatments such as EMDR, cognitive behavior therapy, and complementary therapies like mindfulness and yoga. Reflecting on the biblical story of the man at the pool of Bethesda, I encourage you to ask yourself if you truly want to heal and take those necessary steps toward well-being. Embrace the beauty in everyday moments, create lasting memories, and recognize the everyday miracles that affirm your worth and presence.

Is It PTSD? 

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 June 14, 2024 

Amy Watson 

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Speaker 1:

Hey everybody and welcome back to the Wednesdays with Watson podcast. It is June of 2024. And, as you may or may not know, june is post traumatic stress disorder awareness month. While this podcast in particular, this one in general, is for entertainment and educational purposes only, I do hope that today's episode will help you understand trauma as well as PTSD. Having just completed some of my doctoral or actually all of my doctoral coursework for trauma and community care, it is my desire, as we continue on the journey of the Wednesdays with Watson podcast, to use that information and that education to help inform you, the listeners who come here because you want hope for the crooked roads that often are PTSD.

Speaker 1:

I do just want to, by way of caution.

Speaker 1:

What I will share with you today is a lot of information on what a an official diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder is, but I caution you as you listen to this episode, if you hear things that are familiar to you, that you make an appointment with at least your primary care provider, who can help you understand whether or not you have an official diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder.

Speaker 1:

I also want to make sure that I say this because you don't have to have post-traumatic stress disorder to need the hope of what we will share here today and what this podcast is all about, because the fact of the matter is, as I will mention later, only 6% of the population is actually diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder. We don't know whether that's because people aren't being evaluated or if that's a true prevalence in the United States alone. So let's drop into this podcast. As I talk a little bit about my journey with post-traumatic stress disorder, my journey with my diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder, I will share with you some of the symptoms as outlined by the DSM that's a fancy acronym for the Diagnostic Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders and so some of this will be educational, some of it will be clinical in nature, but I will share my story with you and my diagnosis of PTSD and how the doctor arrived there how the doctor arrived there.

Speaker 2:

There's always something to be scared of, but there's no joy without the pain. There's no flying without leaping.

Speaker 1:

There's no rainbow without rain. I remember the first day that I heard the words PTSD, which was not actually connected with just the military, because, you see, that's what most people think is that just the military have PTSD. It was the day that I've talked about so many times on this podcast. It was the day that I was admitted to the psych ward. As I sat there in that cold room, sterile, the doctor asked me some questions and simply said you have PTSD. Has anybody ever told you that before? And I kind of stared at her because I just didn't even care at that point and I know nobody has ever given me a name for the monster that haunted my everyday life is what was going through my head. But I just kind of shook my head. No to her.

Speaker 1:

While I was still unsure of what PTSD even was, I felt a sense of relief, much like many of you do, when a doctor figured out the reason for an annoying or painful physical ailment. Suddenly, all that was going on inside of me made me feel validated in a weird way. I felt hope. Before that, I thought I was weak. I thought maybe I was unable to let go of the past. I thought maybe I was not a strong enough Christian. Maybe I was terrible at prayer and maybe even I deserved the monster that I sought to numb away with addiction and performance. I look back on that time and I only wish that I had someone anyone who would tell me about PTSD. I think my healing would have come faster had I understood what the diagnosis actually meant. While what I will talk about today, as I mentioned in the intro, is very clinical, based on the DSM, it is only meant to help you understand PTSD and, if you should consider seeking professional help for you or for somebody that you love, I want to warn against diagnosing yourself based on what I will share with you today, and I will actually intentionally withhold some information so that you're not inclined to do that.

Speaker 1:

In our world today, we hear the word trauma. It's very difficult to get through your day, to scroll through social media, to watch TV without hearing the word trauma. I get asked a lot what the actual definition of trauma is, and I could give that to you, but the bottom line is that trauma is anything that overwhelms your ability to cope. As I've mentioned many times on this podcast, we are all different and therefore we do not compare traumas Because you see God, in his intentional design, built each of us differently. So our real enemy wants you to think that if you are overwhelmed by something that has happened to you or around you, that you're broken, when that is in fact the opposite. Opposite of the truth, because God built you the way he built you. We see that in the world of psychology we use terms like window of tolerance. This is your unique capacity to cope with an overwhelming event. If that event exceeds your God-designed window of tolerance, it becomes trauma to you. This is why two people can experience the same kind of trauma. One will present with post-traumatic stress disorder and the other seemingly unfazed by the event. So what is PTSD?

Speaker 1:

Ptsd has a long history of different names. It has been called shell shock when veterans from especially World War Two came back war neurosis, that was. That was kind of labeled for Vietnam veterans. It was not until 1980 that the post traumatic stress disorder was actually included in the diagnostic statistical manual for mental disorders, and then it wasn't until 2013 that it was removed from anxiety disorders to a trauma and stress disorder. So the field has tried to define people's responses to trauma for a long time. In some ways we still have a long way to go, as society continues to provide opportunities for people to be exposed to trauma through natural and man-made disasters, notwithstanding abuse, neglect, car accidents, loss, etc. Ptsd can range From a wide range of traumatic experiences, including, but not limited to and these are things that you could pull up on Google yourself, but I have my fancy degree to tell you but not limited to combat exposure, physical or sexual assault, natural disasters, accidents, a sudden loss of a loved one.

Speaker 1:

The trauma matters, so does the duration, so does the individual's proximity to the event and can influence the likelihood of developing PTSD, and we really saw that a lot after the events of September the 11th, whereby the people of New York had a prevalence of PTSD in the 20% range because they were close to the event. Other factors, such as pre-existing mental health conditions, can add to a diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder, because if you have pre-existing mental health conditions, the likelihood that your capacity is already diminished that window of tolerance that I talk about and so PTSD might be more prevalent if they're pre-existing mental health conditions like depression, anxiety and things of that nature. A lack of social support will certainly contribute to whether or not a person can develop post-traumatic stress disorder, and then genetic predispositions can contribute to the development of post-traumatic stress disorder. I remember, though, when that doctor diagnosed me with PTSD, and as she listed the symptoms of it, I felt heard and I felt seen. These symptoms are what she used to diagnose me and what the DSM outlines for a PTSD diagnosis.

Speaker 1:

At the risk of those of you who will attempt to self-diagnose, I'm going to share with you these symptoms, but I'm going to be vague about how many of them you actually need for a PTSD diagnosis, because, as I mentioned, the truth is about 6% of the US population has PTSD, as many are able to recover from traumatic events. That being said, you don't have to have a doctor tell you that you have post traumatic stress disorder if you're suffering and I want to stop there for a second because it doesn't have to have a name. If it's bothering you, if it's affecting your daily life, it doesn't have to have a fancy name like PTSD. The bottom line, however, I think in describing some of the symptoms might be an aha moment for some of you and will push you to get the help that you need. If you are experiencing these symptoms, you need to seek professional help. There is no reason for you to suffer, as there are many treatments for PTSD or other trauma-related disorders.

Speaker 1:

The very first criteria, as outlined by the DSM, is that you actually have to have exposure to a traumatic event. Now the DSM is very specific about what a traumatic event is. For an official diagnosis, the trauma must meet certain criteria. I'm not going to tell you that criteria, and I'm doing that on purpose, because the way it reads in the DSM can serve to diminish trauma and leave you thinking all the things I thought before the doctor diagnosed me with PTSD Like well, I didn't. Really. That doesn't meet the definition of what the DSM calls a traumatic event, but it feels traumatic to me. Suffice it to say, though, that in order for PTSD to be diagnosed, a significant trauma must have occurred and the symptoms of the traumatic stress need to have an onset or duration of greater than 30 days, meaning it has to hang around at least 30 days after the traumatic event.

Speaker 1:

One of the categories that we call intrusive thoughts, memories, things of that nature. One of the things that was hardest for me was the times when memories of traumatic events just popped into my head without my permission. Many times this happened in the form of dreams or flashbacks. Sometimes, when I would have flashbacks, I would zone out, and some I would have to call my name, as if they were pulling me out of another world. That's a fancy term that we call disassociation and is a hallmark of post-traumatic stress disorder. There are things that can trigger disassociation, including reminders of the event, sounds and smells.

Speaker 1:

To this day, when I'm in Jacksonville, florida, which is my hometown and where so much of the trauma happened, my heart starts to race and I get sweaty, just because I am surrounded by reminders of the trauma. We call this distress, as it pertains to cues or reminders of this traumatic event. This could be physical or psychological, so this falls in the intrusive part of the DSM's criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder. The main reason, though, that I landed in the emergency room that day was because I had taken too much medicine in an effort to numb or avoid the thoughts and feelings about my trauma, so this is the avoidance category. I had only lived in Clearwater for about a year, but I kept myself pretty busy to avoid talking about my trauma, being around people that reminded me of my trauma, and especially places that reminded me of my trauma and especially places that reminded me of my trauma. To this day, I still can't go to certain places as it triggers a trauma response in my entire being.

Speaker 1:

This is a class, like I said, that the DSM labels avoidance and as a hallmark symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder. As I said, there are criteria and you have to meet a certain number of these symptoms for PTSD to be diagnosed. I'm trying to help you understand what questions to ask your own health care provider and provide you with examples of how these symptoms played out in my life before my diagnosis. If you find yourself with avoidance behaviors as it pertains to traumatic events, consider seeking professional help. Avoidance behavior could look different for everybody. For me, it was just medicating, staying busy, staying away from places that reminded me of the traumatic event, and avoidance in the true sense of the word.

Speaker 1:

As I sat in that emergency room and the doctor was asking me questions, I had a hard time remembering some specifics about the traumatic event. This falls into negative cognitions. In fact, some of you who have been with me the whole time remember when I recorded an entire podcast episode about being hospitalized that was largely inaccurate and had to be corrected by my friend Chrissy. The inability to remember details about traumatic event is a symptom of PTSD. I left St Augustine, florida, owning the self-imposed title throwaway kid and did not see myself valuable at all. A negative cognition. I thought I was merely on this planet for others to misuse. A negative cognition.

Speaker 1:

These negative cognitions also played out in my proclivity to blame myself for the trauma. I was always afraid and had some low level anger. At all times I was not interested in activities. In fact, my friends had to drag me out of the house. Avoidance of activities is one of the symptoms, if you will, that falls under these negative cognitions. You will never know, though, what a ride to Friday night football games did to save my life, because I had no interest in doing anything except for sitting in my dark apartment numbing my pain with whatever I had on hand. Another negative cognition is I felt like nobody understood me, and while on the outside I looked like I was connected to my community, I felt alone and detached from those around me. I also felt hopeless, like nothing was ever going to change. All of these are symptoms of PTSD and the negative cognition category when we talk about arousal symptoms.

Speaker 1:

In general, I am a high energy person, but sometimes I get extremely irritable at the oddest, smallest things. Even though I usually don't and definitely then have angry outbursts, I would get so angry at just the dumbest, smallest things and not be able to understand why. Now, when that happens, I try to strip down the situation and get to the heart of the matter. Part of why I struggled to sleep, which is a huge hallmark of PTSD, was because I was extremely hypervigilant and it didn't take much to startle me. This is still also true. We call that an exaggerated startle response, and that is something my friends deal with as they try not to surprise me by announcing their presence when they come into rooms, because I still very much have an exaggerated startle response.

Speaker 1:

As a kid I loved to read, but leading up to those days when I was officially diagnosed, I couldn't concentrate long enough to read a book or a TV show. This falls again under arousal symptoms. Clearly, as demonstrated by my ability to earn a doctorate degree, the concentration thing has improved, but I still struggle to watch a TV show without also scrolling on my phone or having a fidget toy in my hand. Sleep disturbances are the last symptom in the arousal category and that is what ultimately led me to that nervous breakdown. I would still have sleep disturbances, and sometimes still do, but I'm on a medication that took them a decade to find that helps me enjoy restful sleep. These are all symptoms in the arousal category. If you have occupational or scholastic, academic issues because of your trauma, that is also a criteria of PTSD, and so in my case, the nervous breakdown made it hard for me to do my job and my impairment and social and occupational functions was just another checkmark for the doctor in the ER that day. And finally, I had a substance abuse problem, another hallmark symptom of PTSD.

Speaker 1:

I have shared with you how the symptoms of PTSD manifested in me. You could do a quick Google search and it would say it like this Intrusive memories may include flashbacks, nightmares or distressing thoughts about the traumatic event. Avoidance behaviors involve efforts to avoid reminders of the trauma, such as avoiding certain places or people. Negative changes in thinking and mood that can manifest as feelings of guilt, shame or detachment from others. Changes in physical and emotional reactions that may include heightened arousal, irritability, difficult concentrating and exaggerated startle response. The bottom line, guys, is that trauma-related disorders demand attention. Their impact on me alone is substantial and some of them are permanent. For example, I have multiple autoimmune disorders. I still suffer from the symptoms I've already described.

Speaker 1:

I pay attention to it because if I don't, it can and will continue to manifest itself in my body. Just a few short episodes ago I recorded an episode with Lauren Starnes called when the Body Talks, and I'm going to link that in the show notes. But she highlights something in that episode that I will always remember. I don't know if it was original to her or not, but the quote is based on the scientific fact that trauma stores itself in your body. Lauren put it something like this At the time of your trauma, your body says to you I will hold on to this for you. And the body just does just that. But I, as I have referenced many times on this podcast, the body keeps the score and eventually the trauma held in your most basic cellular level will demand your attention. This attention is not a one and done. It is a way of life and it would be worth your time to go back and listen to that episode, because completing her program when the body talks was life changing for me as I continue to live with PTSD. Lauren is starting that program again just a few short days after this episode will drop. I will link her information in the show notes as well.

Speaker 1:

The fact of the matter is is I can either be angry that I will always live with the repercussions or my trauma, or I can thank my body for holding it for me for so many years and choosing to take care of it. It is an honor to do that, because it kicks the darkness in the teeth and tells an enemy that wants to destroy me that he may not have me. He may not have any of me. Another simple Google search would tell you the impact of post-traumatic stress disorder and why I do what I do, why I got a doctorate in trauma and community care. Because if we don't educate and get help for this, it could have a profound impact. Here's what Google says.

Speaker 1:

Ptsd can have profound effects on various aspects of an individual's life, including their relationships, work or academic performance and overall quality of life. It can lead to difficulties in maintaining social connections, impairments in occupational functioning and increased risk of substance abuse and other mental health conditions. Additionally, ptsd can contribute to health problems such as chronic pain, cardiovascular issues and autoimmune issues. I talked to so many people whose trauma is played out in their bodies through pain that nobody can help them with and they chase diagnosis after diagnosis and doctors put them on medicine, and then they put them on a medicine for that medicine and a medicine for that medicine, when in fact, their trauma is trying to tell the story and the body keeps the score and when addressed, as evidenced in my life you can live a healthy life and some of those things that are bothering you can get better.

Speaker 1:

When I started this podcast a little over four years ago, the first season was entitled PTSD, jesus and Me Because, you see, he is my only hope, I began referring to him as a star of my story and I meant it then. Now, and I mean it now. It is true I actually have complex post-traumatic stress disorder, a more extreme form of PTSD, but I am not defined by it because Jesus has been there with me all along and those early days of the podcast. I inadvertently branded this podcast with three C's the church, the community and counseling. All of those have been instrumental in my healing and all three can be instrumental in yours too. It is my hope that some of what I have shared with you today will push those of you in the trauma tribe to go and get professionally evaluated for post-traumatic stress disorder or any other trauma or stress-related disorder. It is likely that when the next DSM comes out, the word disorder will be removed from this diagnosis, because the fact is that responses to extraordinary events are normal and not a disorder at all. I think this will help remove some of the stigma related to naming our demons. I've mentioned many times on this podcast that EMDR therapy worked the best for me and eventually I will devote an entire podcast to that modality alone. We have covered some of those episodes with Jeremy Fox, which I will also link in the in the show notes. But as I have become more educated at receiving this doctorate degree, I believe that that deserves its own podcast. But it is something to ask your provider about.

Speaker 1:

There are also many other treatments for post traumatic stress disorder. Again, a simple Google search treatment options for PTSD. There are effective treatments available for PTSD, including psychotherapy. That's kind of what we're doing here today, where we're just teaching you some things Medication and complementary therapies such as cognitive behavior therapies. I love CBT because when we match it with the scripture of taking every thought captive cognitive behavior therapy is very effective. Every thought captive cognitive behavior therapy is very effective. There are prolonged exposure therapies and cognitive process therapies. These are therapies where you are actually exposed to the therapy and because of that you're able to take some of the pain and the your body's responses to the trauma. These have been shown to be particularly beneficial in helping individuals process and cope with traumatic memories. Google continues to say medications such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, otherwise known as SSRIs, and serotonin norepinephrine reup inhibitors, snris, can also help alleviate symptoms of PTSD, especially used in conjunction with therapy. Complementary therapies such as mindfulness-based practices, yoga and acupuncture, may also offer relief from PTSD symptoms.

Speaker 1:

Again, this is not a podcast to tell you to self-medicate yourself. If what you have heard today sounds like you, go get help, go get evaluated. Earlier this month, I found myself standing on a stage talking to a group of people about trauma, the community and the church. When I tell you that I have never felt so alive, I'm not exaggerating. I look at the picture of me with that mic in my hand and I get chills because I know that I was made for such a time as this. I will not stop fighting for me and I will not stop fighting for you, because trauma, ptsd and its friends does not have to win. I want you to remember that you matter in this world and so does your pain. You don't have to live with the symptoms of PTSD, you don't have to be alone and there is so much hope that it will get better.

Speaker 1:

The question is do you want to get well? I referenced early on in some of the earlier episodes in that first season PTSD Jesus and Me the story of the man at the pool of Bethesda. Recently I got some more Eastern lens information on that story that I'd love to share with you. But essentially the pools of Bethesda can still be visited today in Israel. But in biblical times and New Testament times that when the angel came to stir the waters, people would be sitting around that needed to be healed of something. They would get in the water and they would be healed of whatever ailed them. But there's a paralytic man who had been sitting there for decades I think that the bible says 38 years or something like that and he always had an excuse of why he would not go get in the pool to seek healing. And Jesus says to him and I read letters in the Gospels, I believe it's John, chapter four that says Do you want to get well? And I asked that question of you today Do you want to get well? Because you see what I learned when you look at that story from an Eastern lens and this was learned through a Bible study, jesus and Women, by Christy McClellan, which I highly recommend he had no reason to want to get well because in that culture people catered to him because he was a paralytic. Why would he want to get better when it was just easier for people to do things for him? And why would he want to get better when he would have to go out and live a life and be responsible for that healing? Why would he want to get better? Why would you want to get better? Why would I want to get better? But I do ask you that question Do you want to get well?

Speaker 1:

It is not an easy road, nor is counseling. Counseling is expensive. Recently we launched Joel 225 Ministries, a ministry devoted to all of my efforts, hopefully raising money for those of you or those people out there who cannot afford counseling. It has been a long burden of mine because I know that without counseling I would not be behind this microphone. I am grateful for my Patreon supporters who have supported this podcast over the last four years. It is also an opportunity for you to support the ministry and help us award scholarships to those who want and need counseling but cannot afford it. I will link the Patreon link in the show notes if you are so inclined to support us. Many do that with as little as $5 a month. It makes a huge difference and when we've been able to help people.

Speaker 1:

As I have entered writing the dissertation phase of earning my doctorate, I will continue to speak to churches or any group that wants to understand how faith, trauma, the church and the community are intertwined and an ultimate hope for healing for those in the trauma tribe. All of those, all of those are important. If you or your church would be interested in having me come speak to you, shoot me a text message. All you got to do is look in the show notes and it says send a text message, give me a way to get in touch with you, your Instagram handle or your email I'm the only one that sees that and I will reach out to you. I would be honored to share with you all that the Lord has done, because I will continue to preach from the mountaintops that all of my life he has been faithful.

Speaker 1:

Many years after that diagnosis, in the emergency room I was in a counseling session and I asked Dr Pettit with tears rolling down my cheeks, do you think I have PTSD? He looked stunned and sat back in his chair and said and spades. So you see, even with the doctor telling me that I had it, I didn't understand it. So I hope that this episode has helped you understand the categories of PTSD and some of what I have shared and how those have played out in my life and how that equal to PTSD diagnosis. But the best news ever is that I am living a life that is free, happy, healthy and educated. I don't judge my PTSD diagnosis. I am not angry at God for keeping it around. I am grateful that he has given me a platform to help people Because, as many of you have heard me say many times on this podcast, my life verse is Philippians 112, where Paul says I want you to know that the things that have happened to me have really happened to further the gospel.

Speaker 1:

If that is what we are accomplishing through this podcast or whatever else I will put my hand to, then when I stand before Jesus, it will all be worth it. All the ills of my trauma and PTSD will be worth it if just one of you today has been encouraged and educated. Go get help. And remember, always be ready to answer the most important question though Do you want to get well or do you want to live the life you're living when you choose to get help? The rest won't be easy, but I promise you it's possible to live a life free of being ruled by your trauma. You will fall in love with the body God gave you, you will learn to take care of it and you will be the best version of yourself as you show up in your life. Your trauma doesn't have to win. You get to make that decision. So I ask you again do you want to get well?

Speaker 1:

Hey guys, thank you for listening, and as we step into the summer months, we're going to spend some time in the Psalms, like we did last year's Summer in Psalms. So we will see you in two weeks for our first Summer in Psalms episode, as we bring guests that have walked dark roads and have found refuge in the beauty of the book of Psalms. Don't forget, if you want to contact me they're right in your podcast app you can send a text message as If you want to contact me there. Right in your podcast app you can send a text message. As I mentioned, that only comes to me. Let me know how to contact you and I will be happy to do so.

Speaker 1:

Also included in the show notes is the Patreon link to support our ministry here. Thank you, as always, for listening. You know what I'm going to say as I end the podcast. You are seen, you are known, you are heard, you are loved. You are so, you are heard, you are loved, you are so, so, valued and you are worth asking the question and answering it in the affirmative Do you want to get well?

Speaker 2:

Tell your worry to be quiet, so your heart can hear the song, cause it's always been around you. It's been singing all along, of the moments to be savored and the memories to be made, of the wonder to be witnessed that you might miss if you're afraid. When you see the beauty, don't let it slip away. When you look for miracles, you'll see them every day the magic of the morning, the fireflies at night, a singing congregation, imperfect, but it's right. When you see the beauty, don't let it slip away. When you look for miracles, you will see the beauty. Don't let it slip away. When you look for miracles, you'll see them every day. You'll see him every day. You'll see him every day. You'll see him every day.

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Amy Watson

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