Wednesdays With Watson: Faith & Trauma Amy Watson- PTSD Patient-Trauma Survivor

Super Jubilee: A Journey of Forgiveness, Rest, and New Beginnings

• Amy Watson • Season 6 • Episode 22

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As I stood on the cusp of turning 50, I found myself reflecting on the rich tapestry of experiences, triumphs, and struggles that have shaped my life. Join me as I recount the monumental celebration of my 50th birthday, aptly named my "Super Jubilee." We revisit heartfelt memories shared by five influential people from each decade of my life, exploring the profound themes of liberation, freedom, and rest that have steered my journey through 2022. Embrace with me the power of intentional celebrations and the importance of valuing oneself at every milestone.

This year has been nothing short of transformative, filled with radical resets and profound forgiveness. After stepping away from a long-standing career in business, I took a leap of faith into vocational ministry, trusting in divine provision. Together, we’ll navigate the painful memories of childhood abuse and the heartbreak of abandoning my dream of becoming a doctor following my mother's death. Inspired by Revelation 21:5, I share how embracing forgiveness and releasing past pain has paved the way for new beginnings and a renewed sense of purpose.

Moreover, we delve into the significance of holy rest and the pursuit of one's dreams. My year-long sabbatical was a time of deep reflection, leading to a career shift towards mental health care. Now as a behavioral health technician, I guide patients through their darkest moments, finding clarity and healing. This episode culminates in an exciting announcement of our upcoming series, "Trauma and You," where we’ll explore generational trauma from the Silent Generation to Gen Z. Join me in this intimate and transformative journey, as we seek scandalous freedom and embrace the grace of new beginnings.

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Hey everybody, and welcome back to Wednesdays with Watson. It is late August of 2024, and today is the last episode that we are dropping since we've been on hiatus for the last two months, and so I hope that some of you who have not, who had not heard some of those episodes, have enjoyed those as we move into season seven, coming at you in September. So enjoy this episode. This was one of my favorite episodes that we dropped. We did it for my 50th birthday, which is in biblical times would have been called a super jubilee and so five people from each decade of my life came onto the podcast and talked about their memories of me, and we were able to celebrate them and their investment in my life, and so I hope that you enjoyed this episode. It is one that I am certainly glad that we have in the canon, and then in two weeks we begin season seven of the Wednesdays with Watson podcast Trauma and you, and so be looking out for different things on social media. If you're not following us on social media, please click in the show notes. Best place is to follow us on Instagram to get all the latest information. So let's drop into this episode that we did for my 50th birthday with five people who changed my life. I am so happy that you have joined us here today. We are beginning the month of January, continuing our series and forgiving trauma makers, but before we do that, I want to talk to you about recapping 2022 and how forgiveness played into my entire year. So sit back, relax and enjoy this episode of my super jubilee.

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Consecrate the 50th year and proclaim liberty throughout the land, to all of its inhabitants. It shall be a jubilee for you. You are to return to your family property and to your clan. The fiftieth year shall also be a jubilee for you. Do not sow and do not reap what grows of itself or harvests the unintended vines. Don't do it, for it is the jubilee and it is holy for you. Eat only what is taken directly from the fields. Leviticus 25, 10 through 12. As I read that passage of scripture, a couple things come to my mind. That passage of scripture, a couple things come to my mind. The first one is as we read in Leviticus and this practice of the super jubilee, which we're going to talk about at length here, because last year was my year of super jubilee, so much of it was about liberation, so much of it was about freedom. So much of it was about release and reset and rest, and I wonder if any of us can fully grasp what true liberation feels like without first experiencing the freedom and liberty that comes from various and sundry things and, for the purposes of this series, forgiveness. I wonder about the release we talked about. We're in the middle of a season of forgiveness, forgiving trauma makers. What does it mean to truly release? What is proper release or, better stated, what is freedom?

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Today is December the 29th, 2022, and I have struggled to write this, to bring it to you in whatever way you consume it. So much, so much happened in 2022. That is absolutely mind-boggling. Last year at this time, I was just 28 days into my 50th trip around the sun. I had been, and continued to be, intentional about a lesson my friend Jenny gifted me when I turned 50 last December. You see, my birthday is December 1st, and so I usually don't get celebrated, but this year I decided that I was going to get celebrated and, since I usually end the year with a recap episode anyway, it just happens that this recap episode has a lot to do with that finding my value, asking to be celebrated for a milestone birthday, but it has a lot to do with our season topic and it is my prayer that you will find some freedom and some release. As you're listening to this wherever you're listening to this While we're on the topic, if you're listening to this wherever you're listening to this While we're on the topic, if you're not following the podcast, you can do that right now when you're on your app that you're listening to.

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If you're listening to it on Apple Podcasts, it's the top right-hand corner. You just hit the check mark. All the other platforms make it pretty easy for you to follow or subscribe. Of course, it's free. Following helps the podcast get to more places and it accomplishes our mission of assisting people in navigating the crooked roads of pain and enjoying the straight roads of healing. Also, click on that Contact Amy button to follow us on Instagram. That's where all the fun stuff happens throughout the year, especially in April, when I spend 30 days acting like a child. So we'd love for you to follow us on Instagram and follow or subscribe. The podcast is greatly appreciated, more than you know.

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So what exactly happened during my 50th year on this planet? If you've been listening to us, you know that it is a miracle that I'm on the planet in the first place. I never thought that I would make it to 50 years old, but alas, here we are. As a matter of fact, I'm 51. Just turned 51, just 30 days ago. What I experienced in this year was scandalous freedom, radical release, holy rest and, yes, incomprehensible forgiveness.

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As I mentioned, I spent most of my birthdays accepting apologies from those who were exhausted from Thanksgiving and gearing up for Christmas. Thanksgiving and gearing up for Christmas Quote we will celebrate in January. They always say, and sometimes I still forget that my birthday is not actually in January, but it is in December. But when I knew that the day was barreling towards me and kids, it barrels towards you, that I would turn a half century, 50 years old, a milestone birthday, I was determined to be celebrated and I was determined to be celebrated on time and I was determined to be celebrated with some of my most precious people. So on December 3rd and 5th, I had two fantastic birthday celebrations. It was so incredible that it made me wonder hmm, should I press my luck every year and demand a celebration? Should I press my luck every year and demand a celebration?

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I decided probably no, but there is no doubt that this year was different, and it all started when my friend Jenny brought me 50 cards and gifts to one of my birthday dinners. She told me about the year of Jubilee and how it was a year of scandalous freedom, radical release, holy rest and an incredible forgiveness. She directed me to a podcast that explains it way better than I can and I will link that in the show notes. But I decided I would embrace this year as all of those things and this, my friend, is where and how I have experienced said scandalous freedom, radical release, holy rest and incomprehensible forgiveness. This practice of the super jubilee is outlined in Leviticus, chapter 25. And I opened the podcast with a portion of that scripture Because, you see, after seven cycles of seven years, with a portion of that scripture, because, you see, after seven cycles of seven years, the people experienced a year of what they called the super Sabbath or the year of the Jubilee.

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It was a year when prisoners were set free, regardless of their standing. It was a time when debts, both financial and emotional, were forgiven and were released. It was a time when people whose land had been taken from them was returned and the people, the people were to rest. They were also to allow the land to rest, eating only what the land provided for them. It was the year of hope. Hope showed off that year because people were driven to trust the land and the God of the land who implemented the super Sabbath, who would produce for them without their assistance. They were not to toll the land during the super jubilee and I want to stop right there for a second and I didn't originally write this episode to implement a proper jubilee in today's society but I can't imagine being commanded not to toil the land, because that was where food came from and sustenance came from, and they just had to trust that the land, too, needed to rest and that it was going to give them what they needed.

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And so that's still a little bit mind blowing to me, and something I'm taking into 2023 is what kind of trust and faith, what kind of Hebrews chapter 11 trust and faith that those people must have had? And I'm sure there are some people who toiled the lane and they weren't supposed to, but, man, can you just imagine a full year where you've been commanded to rest? Just rest, like today, though? Back then, families were estranged and they were to return to their clan, and they no doubt needed to make some things right. They were driven, obviously, like I just talked about, to trust God, not only for their provision, but that they would be accepted when they returned to their clan.

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Forgiveness was not necessarily, but it was essential during the year of Super Jubilee. When they returned to their clan, they had to forgive, even if it wasn't extended to them. Forgiveness was a big, big part of the Jubilee, guys. Forgiveness of both financial debt. Can you imagine somebody telling you there will be a year in your life where all of your debt will be forgiven All your financial debt, your mortgage is paid, your car payment is paid, any money that you owe to friends, credit cards all that? There will be a year after seven cycles of seven years, when all of that is released. Can you even imagine that right now? That's the kind of freedom that the Super Jubilee brought, and the same was true if relationships were restored and people had ought to get into each other and forgiveness was given during the year of the super jubilee. People who were guilty of crimes were let go, rights were made wrong, land was returned. It was an amazing year and I tried my best to live my best. Western civilization 2022 version of it. I always thought I was okay in the trust department, but this year challenged that and forgiveness has been part of my super jubilee story. I really, really thought I was good on the forgiveness thing.

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I can often be heard actually 80 something episodes pontificating about how I have worked since I was old enough to have a boiled peanut route when I was seven. I joke that I've been caring for myself for a very long time. I live under the illusion that my hard work and my hands toil are why I'm not hungry or homeless. Trust has never been one of my strong suits, so I, like many of you, work and toll like I have control. I quickly learned the peace and letting it all go, the peace and the realization and the acceptance that I actually have no control at all. The ultimate radical release. That radical release brought with it the scandalous freedom like I could begin to live my life in freedom. And that freedom brought rest and for the first year in my life, I didn't feel guilty about rest. It was holy rest, the kind of rest where it is me and God, the type of rest that a million hours of sleep could not provide.

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After that birthday celebration where Jenny brought me those 50 gifts. I opened one card or gift for 50 consecutive days, but I got to tell y'all it was the coolest thing ever. It was like 50 days of Christmas, for the gifts and cards were excellent, but the journey that this truth started was almost, and is almost, too hard to explain. But I'm going to try here today, as I thought more and more about the Super Jubilee, about the 50th year, about the seven years of seven, seven cycles of seven years, I thought how the people must have felt as they anticipated the year Jubilee I referenced a minute ago. If we can even imagine, it immediately reminded me of Proverbs 13, 12, hope deferred makes a heart sick. So one likely only got one of these super jubilee years in a lifetime, because it was the same for everybody, and so we can imagine looking forward to that 50th year, as I mentioned just a minute ago, just from a financial debt standpoint, or getting your land back or any of those things.

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This was the year that the wrongs would be made right and the rights were highlighted. Debts were paid, like I mentioned, both financial and relational, and again, wrongs were made right. People were forgiven. It was the year of all things new and many of you know who've been following this podcast for any amount of time. I know YouTube listeners can see behind me something that my friend Amy got for me. That is all things new and it is you make all things pure, you make all things new, you make all things right, and this is Revelation 21.5. This was my Super Jubilee, the year of the reset, the radical reset, the release and holy rest. So what does that mean for me, what does it mean for you, and how does it tie in to our topic of forgiveness and the Wednesdays with Watson podcast?

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Well, it all started one night when I sat on my back porch enjoying unseasonably warm December temperatures. I wondered. I wondered what would happen if I just let go. I wondered how painful complete surrender could be. I wondered what it would be like to trust God for provision instead of work generated by my own hands. I wasn't sure, but I was sure I was going to try and try I did. I sat on my porch tapping my foot to the rhythm of the cricket songs. I surprised myself when I asked God to give me a vocational ministry opportunity. When I asked God to give me a vocational ministry opportunity If I was going to take full advantage of the year of my Jubilee, I decided I was going big, and big I went.

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As many of you know, I have worked in the same career most of my adult life. I have been a vice president of operations in a business and then, for the past 13 or 14 years, been the chief executive officer of a business. I thought, though that past 13 or 14 years been the chief executive officer of a business. I thought, though, that the pandemic would take that business down. So, vocationally, I had been bouncing around a lot and trying to figure out what I wanted to do when I grew up and what would pay the bills. Trying to figure out what's next. One of my favorite quotes from Martin Sheen and the West Wing what's next? And, to my great surprise, the pandemic did not take away our business. It helped it flourish as it never had before. But the story gets even better.

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One of the reasons I was so excited about my Super Jubilee was the promise of starting over and claiming the phrase I love so much, and you see behind me on YouTube all things new Revelation 21 5. I knew it was still crucial for me to experience the radical release, and so I decided to let the land and I air quote when I say that provide for my needs without working my own business that has supported me for over 30 years Now. I understand that not everybody can do this. I was in a very different situation, which I will explain to you in a few minutes, but I felt very commanded to take my hands off of that business. And I did other things and I kept busy, but I really wanted the land to rest as well and to still provide for me. So I met with both my counselors, who both thought that it was a great idea, and we all agreed that I needed the radical release of work and the freedom to explore how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. Meanwhile, that business continued to pay all the bills and then some. But how? Before I tell you how, we need to go back for a second.

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The little toe-headed monster slayer sat close to the little black and white box where medical dramas played out. Sometimes I didn't even notice the familiar sound of the padlock for Mama as she locked me in the prison room. As she locked me in the prison room, I dreamt of a time when I grew up and I would work as a doctor, saving lives and enjoying significant discoveries that would change the medical field. Almost every Christmas, the gift that arrived from my Uncle Lloyd had something to do with the medical field. In fact, one year he even gave me a stethoscope. It was the coolest thing ever and it appeared to all that we were waiting for father time and soon enough I would be in the medical school. Instead, I was locked in a room, abused and ultimately abandoned, and that would be quite the story for the grown-up Dr. Amy. As many of you have listened to any part of my story, life became about survival, no-transcript. When I aged out of the system in December of my senior year, I had secured a full-ride scholarship with a pre-med major declaration Now a grown-up, toe-headed monster slayer. I started college, like I do everything, fast and robust. I was also working full-time. I was determined to fulfill my dreams of medical school. But then it happened.

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I have covered this on this podcast before, especially as it pertains to forgiveness. I tell the story of when I was 19 years old and when I had to sign papers to take my mom off the ventilator. I had one year with her after my 18th birthday and the no contact order by the state, but our communication was always shallow and meaningless. After walking into the hospital, I was assaulted with a cold hospital smelling air. We all know it. It was a rainy December day in Jacksonville, florida. I stood at her window staring out at the skyline of my hometown, the place where so many bad things had happened. The respiratory therapist came in and cleaned her machine and it was at that time. It was at that time I abandoned my dream of medical school. The hospital was too sad. I felt too helpless and I began to grieve the death of that dream of working in medicine. Too late to change my major, I finished that bachelor's degree, never planning on using it or walking into another hospital again. Mom died 50 minutes off that ventilator and I never told her I forgave her. I've been living with that regret for a very long time.

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I started this season on forgiveness because releasing pain and heartache from the past highlighted the cracks that needed to be immobilized so that they could heal with total global rest and a release. As I thought about my current relationships, there was still plenty to release to God. My business wasn't the only thing that I needed to surrender to the great god of the year of the jubilee. In some ways, I returned to the quote land that was mine at times and attempted to return to my clan. And then I remembered we still live in a broken world. But returning to my clan allowed me to dive deep into forgiveness. I also got hurt deeply by forgiveness not being reciprocated. This isn't how the year of the Super Jubilee worked. Right. All is to be made new and well. In the end, my definition of new and well the word well changed dramatically as I both sought forgiveness and gave it to. I am in awe of how God has held that pain, collected every tear and is continuing to bind up my broken heart. He is returning healing of the pain, of much that has been taken from me.

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I don't know what it was like for people of the Bible when they returned to their clan. I'm sure it didn't always go well, even though this was to be the year of the radical release. I am grateful for the hyper-focus, though, on all things new and chasing dreams and trusting God. But make no mistake, it hasn't always been heartwarming and some things won't be redeemed until we see Jesus. But the year of my super jubilee helped me pay attention. Here's the thing I want to pause here Helped me pay attention to the God of the universe. I hadn't realized how much I ignored him with my actions while proclaiming him with my words.

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As the year started, we began to see record-breaking numbers for the land that had been toiled for so long, 30 years to be exact. While I stuck with my commitment to leave it and trust God, paychecks kept coming and I continued to pray about what would be next for me. What should I put my hand to, moving forward for the rest of my life? Would I return to my business after this year of my Super Jubilee? There seemed to be no reason for me to touch it. God provided leadership of the business through my current business partner, chrissy, and through one of my dearest friends, who I've known for over 30 years. At the time of this recording, my involvement in that business is minimal, only getting involved if asked. And every day of the year of the Super Jubilee there was provision. Didn't go hungry once, didn't worry about paying mortgages once, bills once, nothing once. And I realized that this will not be everybody's story, but this is the story that God told during my year of super Jubilee Cause, even though I never touched a total of the land God provided, just like he said he would radical release guys, scandalous freedom and pro incomprehensible forgiveness.

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Finally, holy, set apart rest. Holy rest is a different kind of rest. Until experience it is difficult to explain. Holy rest is set-apart rest with a specific purpose. As my mind and my body calmed down, my brain felt less foggy and suddenly I began to remember those medical dreams. I began to feel a little like Moses and others in the Bible who gave excuses when God called me. Returning to the dream was fun, but was it doable? I remember asking God if he remembered how old I was and immediately chuckling because he knew and was calling, even at 50 years old. Dream Chase, do so now what I thought During a few months.

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During the summer I chased a bunch of ideas, ranging from returning to school to be a nurse practitioner to a few other things, before finally landing on what I believe God is calling me to. I am so grateful for the year of the Super jubilee so that I could get quiet enough to listen to God and stop, stop the madness, stop toiling the land that both on earth and the crevices of my heart demanded healing through forgiveness. I am still working on that and recognize that some things that still hurt will need to be radically released many, many times, and remember the scandalous freedom that doing so brings. Living with some clarity and rest, I began understanding what God wanted from me. Next, my late-night back porch prayers for vocational ministry never really happened, or did it.

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By summer, I made a significant geographical move and returned to the land that was taken from me based on a few factors. While leaving Clearwater for a season was the best thing at the time, it was time to go home. In early July, I moved south and closer to that big church on the corner I often refer to and the people of that church that comes with it. The move brought many answers to the what's next? Questions as I continued to chase my dreams. Having the freedom to explore a new career was not something I had when I was 18, and now, at 51 years old or at that point, 50, the world's suddenly my oyster and I could pick anything I wanted to do and go for it. I won't bore you with the stories of where I went from considering leaving the state to attend school to where I finally landed, but it is simply stunning and, honestly, more than I ever wanted, as I embraced the year of the Super Jubilee In April of 2020, when I started this podcast, it was with an ember in my heart to help those struggling with mental health issues.

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As I dove into growing this podcast, I learned much about mental illness and knew immediately that I needed to be part of the solution. I began making phone calls and, before I knew it, found myself in a training class for a behavioral health technician at a local hospital. So now three times a week I am assaulted by cold hospital smelling air. It still smells and feels a whole lot like redemption, though it feels like the redemption of all the things. It is the redemption of all of the years.

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I can't share much about what I do at the hospital because of HIPAA rules and privacy concerns. However, I can share with you how I feel when I put the badge on in the morning and when I walk into the room of a patient who is staring blankly at me or sometimes is screaming at me the feeling of elation, unworthiness and still a complete shock that God would wake up. A 45-year-old dream Dovetailing off of working directly with mental health patients in an acute and patient setting. I have also had the opportunity to work in the emergency department, where, arguably, some people are having the worst days of their lives. I get to see them at their worst before they land in a behavioral health facility. I see them at their worst and I'm getting the opportunity to learn so that, as life continues to plug on and you finish listening to this podcast, you'll know what's next. I get to take them warm blankets, which is actually one of my favorite things to do in ginger ale. I get to remind them when the medicine has made them forget why they're in the hospital and why they matter. I get to tell them they matter as much as I want and they argue back that they don't. I see the tears well up in their eyes when I tell them that they are worth the fight and that I am there to fight for them.

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My Super Jubilee has been like Christmas morning all year long, lasting long after I finished those 50 cards and gifts that my friend Jenny gave me. The journey of radical release and scandalous freedom has changed my life forever. It isn't practical, as I mentioned, for most people to trust the land and to not work for a year. I am so grateful that this is how God is telling my story. That little monster slayer who sat in that prison room watching medical dramas, will realize her dream after all. As of the recording of this podcast, I am two weeks away from starting my doctorate degree. It looks a little different than a medical doctor, but my heart is full as I seek formal education and trauma and community care. I think back to those porch prayers where I prayed for a vocational ministry and realized God answered that prayer. While I am being paid to work at the hospital, he continues to provide through the land I have toiled for almost 30 years. This year's provision of my jubilee pays for school and sets me up for a few years to help even more people.

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As Dr Amy Watson, as we begin a new year, maybe some of you are starting your 50th trip around the sun I highly recommend taking this year to practice the radical release by forgiving and then embracing the freedom of a forgiving heart. I also pray that you will leave the land and let God provide for you every day, just like he said he would. He truly does make all things new, and he will make a way for you to live a life of scandalous freedom, whether you are in the year of Jubilee or not. As for this little project, the Wednesdays with Watson podcast, we will continue our mission here and it will continue to grow as I grow and as I learn. Come and stay with us for the journey, and may you know the peace of God of the year of the super Jubilee. And here is a secret you don't have to wait for yours to experience a life altering power of the radical release. May it give you holy rest.

Speaker 1:

Well, guys, thank you for hanging with me as I shared with you my recap of 2022 and the year of the Super Jubilee. As I mentioned, I know it's not practical and a lot of what I was able to do was just the grace of God and just a gift from him. A lot of what I was able to do was just the grace of God and just a gift from Him, allowing me to really lean into it and chase my dreams, and so I would appreciate your prayers and we will be back here in two weeks. January is about all things new, as we continue our season of forgiving trauma makers, until two weeks when we come back here in the healing zone. You know what I'm going to say you are seen, you are known, you are heard, you are loved and you are so, so valuable. See you guys in two weeks. Hey guys, thank you so much for listening.

Speaker 1:

I'm so excited to be coming into season seven of wednesdays with watson podcast. I have some thoughts in my mind of what this season is going to look like, as I have called it trauma and you. We are going to start out by examining trauma by the different generations that are alive on the earth today. So we will begin with the silent generation and begin to investigate trauma and that error all the way down to even Gen Z, and so that will be the first part of the season, for sure.

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Trauma and you, as we begin to investigate how it has impacted generations and how different generations handled it, and how and if we have improved and how and, most importantly, we will improve as we just kind of investigate trauma through the ages. And so we will see you guys back here in two weeks as we start a brand new season the Wednesdays with Watson podcast. Thank you truly for those of you that follow the podcast, that listen to the podcast, that pray for me, that pray for this ministry it means more to me than I can ever tell you, and so we'll see you in two weeks. Before then, you know what I'm going to say you are seen, you are known, you are heard, you are loved and you are so, so valued.

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