Wednesdays With Watson: Faith & Trauma Amy Watson- PTSD Patient-Trauma Survivor

Finding Peace and Healing: Navigating Family Estrangement During the Holidays

• Amy Watson: Trauma Survivor, Hope Carrier, Precious Daughter Of The Most High God • Season 7 • Episode 8

Share episode

Send us a text

Have you ever felt the sting of family estrangement, especially during the holidays? Explore the profound emotions tied to separation from loved ones as we seek solace in the timeless story of Joseph. Through his journey of betrayal and eventual forgiveness, we uncover the transformative power of grace and faith. This episode promises to guide you in embracing an eternal perspective, finding hope and healing through God's unwavering presence. As we reflect on forgiveness as a liberating act, even when reconciliation seems impossible, discover practical ways to navigate these challenging relationships while deepening your connection with God.

Join our heartfelt conversation as we embrace peace amidst the turmoil of family divisions. With Christmas around the corner, I encourage you to focus on God's constant presence, drawing strength from scriptures like Isaiah 9:6 and Isaiah 43. As we prepare for the holiday season, allow your heart to find rest in knowing you are seen, known, heard, loved, and valued by the Creator. 

You ARE:
SEEN KNOWN HEARD LOVED VALUED

Speaker 1:

For those of you who have estrangement from family during the holidays, there is no question that this is one of the hardest things to navigate. There's also no question that you have to hey everybody and welcome back to the Wednesdays with Watson podcast. It is December of 2024 and today we are going to talk about God's grace in an estrangement, particularly as it pertains to family estrangement. We want to help you find some hope in the holidays. If you don't know by now, I am your host, my name is Amy Watson, and today we're diving into a topic that many of us face, but we don't know by now. I am your host, my name is Amy Watson, and today we're diving into a topic that many of us face but we don't always talk about, and so I want to talk about it today this topic of estrangement from family during the holidays. For many, for many of us, the Christian season is filled with joy and family gatherings and traditions, but others for us, with joy and family gatherings and traditions, but others for us, it can be a time of deep pain and longing and loneliness, especially when estrangement from family members is the thing that's kind of taken up all of our brain space. In this episode we're going to talk about the challenges of family division. We're going to talk about how we can find God's presence in the midst of the pain and how the Bible speaks to our hearts when we feel disconnected from those that we love. Whether you're navigating an estrangement, or if you know somebody that is, I do hope that this episode brings encouragement and some peace to you as you reflect on God's love and grace and how I can get you through the pain of estrangement, you through the pain of estrangement. Holidays often shine a light on the gaps in our relationships and for many people, this estrangement from family members is particularly hard to deal with this time of year. Whether your estrangement is due to unresolved conflict, whether there's been abuse, whether there are differing beliefs as often happen with the election here in the United States or just misunderstandings, the holidays can and do amplify the emptiness that comes from being separated from those who were once closest to us, those who might share our last name or our bloodline or our DNA. Who might share our last name or our bloodline or our DNA those people. In some cases, the hurt might feel so raw that's even hard to think about the holidays. What should they look like For others. It's the absence of the family connection that highlights how lonely this season can be.

Speaker 1:

You might wonder what is happening to me? Where is God in all of this? You might be asking yourself practical questions like what is the right thing for me, to me, where is God in all of this? You might be asking yourself practical questions like what is the right thing for me to do, or what do I do? What, moreover, what is right in the sight of God? And if you're listening today and this is something that you're walking through I want you to hear me when I say you are not alone.

Speaker 1:

You might feel estranged from family. You are not alone. You might feel estranged from family, but God has not abandoned you and he is going to be close to the brokenhearted, as you'll hear me say a few times during this episode. Because, you see, the Bible acknowledges the complexity of these family relationships. And, as I was thinking of this, as I was writing this episode, and thinking of the stories throughout scripture, where we see both deep family, family love and we see some painful division. Because, you see, ecclesiastes 3 tells us there's nothing new under the sun, and so we're not the first to face the heartbreak of estrangement and we can learn much from how the Bible addresses the conflict and the healing of estrangement.

Speaker 1:

One example that came to my mind and I went back and read it, and I think you probably will know which one I'm going to use but is this is a story of Joseph in the Old Testament. If you're familiar with his story, you know that Joseph was betrayed by his brothers. He was separated them for many, many years. It was a devastating betrayal, especially in those times, if you know anything about Old Testament times and how important family and traditions were and they continue to be in that part of the world. So this was a devastating, devastating blow to Joseph when his brothers sold him into slavery. But God worked through Joseph's life. He worked through his pain.

Speaker 1:

In Genesis 45, 4 through 8, we see that Joseph, at the very end of his life, reveals himself to his brothers after this long estrangement and he speaks these words of forgiveness and healing. He says to them and now don't be distressed and don't be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save the lives that God set ahead of me. I don't know about you when I first read that, though I don't like that. My disconnection from family, from blood, can be so neatly packaged that God could use it for good. But he certainly can, and Joseph's story reminds us that God is able to bring healing and redemption even in the midst of estrangement and division. While there may be painful separation for this season, remember that we need to live through an eternal perspective. God can use this in our lives, just like he did Joseph, to shape us, refine us and ultimately restore our relationships. And his perfect timing, not ours. That's a. That's a tough word. It really is a tough word.

Speaker 1:

That being said, joseph's story had deep, deep family dysfunction. His brothers, who were jealous of his favored status with their father, sold him into slavery. We all know this story. That is a significant betrayal, like I mentioned, in that time, in that region, in that area, in those customs. This was a wound that might have been difficult for Joseph to recover from. His brothers essentially estranged him, and the family sent him into a foreign land to work where he had left to face the unknown. Joseph's response, however, wasn't one of bitterness. It wasn't one of revenge. Instead, he chooses to trust God in his sovereignty. And I have to ask us today do we choose to trust God and his sovereignty in our broken relationships.

Speaker 1:

We see, in Genesis 39 too, it says the Lord was with Joseph so that he prospered. Despite being far from his family. Joseph found favor in Potiphar's house, and later, when he was falsely accused and imprisoned in Pharaoh's house, god continued to be with him, and Joseph chose to see God's hand in his life, even when things looked bleak. I was thinking about this, and I wonder if it was because Joseph was only concerned with the audience of one. It was, though. He put his life in eternal perspective. Did that help him with his pain? This hyper focus on God and not on the relationships that he, that he, that he had lost, or the things that were being said and done about him and to him?

Speaker 1:

When we face family, we estrangement or family difficulties, it is important to remember that God's plan for our lives is not thwarted by human action. Just like Mama Bootsy used to say, god is not up there wringing his hands in heaven about the things that are happening down here. Joseph didn't fully understand what God was doing, for sure, just like we don't, but he trusted that God was with him. Sure, just like we don't, but he trusted that God was with him, and I want to stop here right now. Do we trust that God is with us, even though we might be the only person on the planet? Do we trust that? Do we trust the sovereignty of God? Can we do that, knowing, like Mama Gowan said on the episode before this, the Bible doesn't say all things are good, but all things will work together for our good. So are we willing to forgive? Are we willing to investigate the power of reconciliation?

Speaker 1:

One of the most profound lessons from Joseph's story was his ability to forgive. And if you've been around here for a while on this podcast, we have a whole season on forgiveness, and yet I find myself sitting behind this microphone today, for some personal reasons and fully knowing that many of you are feeling like I am right now. And so what about this story? What about this ability that Joseph had to forgive? After 25 years of separation, joseph's brothers came to Egypt looking for food from a famine. We see that in Genesis 42 through 45. And they run into their brother. They don't recognize him, but Joseph knew who they were.

Speaker 1:

This could have been the moment for revenge. He had all the power in the world. He could have arrested them. He could have punished them for the wrong they did to him Instead, to him. Instead. Instead, joseph tested them to see if they had changed, and once he was certain they had, then he revealed his identity.

Speaker 1:

What would you say? Think about the person with whom you're estranged from, as I am. What would you say if you had a similar situation to Joseph, whereby you were in a position of power. You could do anything to or for that person that you're thinking about right now? What would you say to them? This is what Joseph said to them. I read it a minute ago, a minute ago. And now do not be distressedressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me to you. So then it was not you who sent me here, but God.

Speaker 1:

So this can feel like a sideways slap in the head in some ways, because Joseph said don't be mad, don't be angry with yourself, because my life ended up being better because of what you did, causes me to pause, because my life is certainly better because of what some people in my life who are no longer in my life, did. It sent me on different trajectories, something on a different path. It sent me on a different path and I wonder if we can see through our pain of estrangement and broken relationships and see the good that has happened in our lives. Of course, that pain is always going to be there, that need to do something is always going to be there. But what would you say if they were standing in front of you now? But what would you say if they were standing in front of you now?

Speaker 1:

Because you see Joseph's capacity to forgive and to see God's purpose in their hurt is a powerful example. What is God's purpose in your hurt? I might not be able to answer that question. I can't right now, but 40 years from now. I wonder if there will be evidence that I was faithful with the story of my life, with the story of estrangement, the story of betrayal, because you see Joseph's capacity to forgive and to see God's purpose in the hurt, like I said, is a powerful example. The hurt, like I said, is a powerful example. Rather holding on to anger and seeking Joseph, joseph allowed God to work through the situation and he chose reconciliation over retribution.

Speaker 1:

Now, do not misunderstand me Forgiveness doesn't ease the pain of our betrayal, but it frees us from the bondage of bitterness and opens the door to healing and restoration. And we have to ask ourselves are we carrying around the pain from the estranged family like it is a badge of honor? Are we happy to be in pain because somehow that makes it okay, that makes us feel better? Do we choose pain over praying for those that we're estranged with, over trusting God with those that we're estranged with? Do we choose the pain of the rejection over any healing steps I can have? Now, in the case of family estrangement, forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean reconciliation. There are boundaries. Generally speaking, when there's situations like this, there are boundaries for a reason and we have to make sure they're in place.

Speaker 1:

Forgiveness might be incredibly difficult, especially when these deep wounds have been inflicted. But Joseph forgave his brothers and, whether we like it or not, we are called to forgive those that hurt us. Forgiveness is an act of grace, unmerited favor, sound familiar. Because we have gotten grace, we have gotten forgiveness. And Jesus said if you don't forgive, I won't forgive you. Because, you see, forgiveness is not based on the other person's worthiness, but we choose it because we have been forgiven.

Speaker 1:

But, as I mentioned, joseph's story isn't one of instant reconciliation. His journey from the pit to the palace took years. In fact, he was separated from his family for over 20 years. It took time for Joseph to rise to the place of influence where he could help his family. It also took time for Joseph to rise to the place of influence where he could help his family. It also took time for his brothers to repent and for the family to be reunited. It takes time and it might be forever. You may not ever see it on this side of heaven. It might be forever, but we must be pursuing forgiveness in our hearts so that, when and if that time does come, that our hearts are postured to answer like Joseph did. Don't worry about what you did to me. God used it for good.

Speaker 1:

When we're facing estrangement, it is important to remember that God's timing is perfect, and so we want to fix it. We want to fix it now. We want to do everything we can do to not have this conflict, but we need to trust God, trust his sovereignty and operate in his time, because his timing is perfect. We want a resolution now. God might be using this time, as he did in the case of Joseph's brothers, to refine our character, to teach us patience and to work on our hearts of those that are involved, the other people praying for them. Pray for those people. Trusting God with the timing of reconciliation can be one of the hardest things that we will ever do, but we have to do it. We really don't have a choice, right? We have to do it, and one of the ways that we can do it is embrace God in the pain. And one of the ways that we can do it is embrace God in the pain, right?

Speaker 1:

If you're experiencing this estrangement this holiday season, I do want to encourage you that let's lean into God's presence, because human relationships will fail us, but God is always with us. We see that in Psalm 34, 18. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit. Doesn't that latter part sound like what it feels like when you are in estrangement, crushed in spirit, in your moments of loneliness and sorrow? I want you to know that God sees you. Talk a lot about that on this podcast how you are seen, how you are known, how you are loved, how you are valued. We talk about that a lot because God does value you In your moments of loneliness and sorrow. He sees you, he understands your pain and he is near you. Take some time in prayer, reflect on the promises that he will never leave you or forsake you, even if people do, and remember, even in this difficult season, that he is with you. This season is about him. He came to this earth so that we could have life and so that we could have it more abundantly. He came as a baby, born to die. He is with you, offering that same comfort, hope and feeling that was probably felt on that first Christmas, when he brought peace to the world.

Speaker 1:

That being said, what are some practical ways that we can navigate estrangement, because it can be tough, but here are some practical ways to cope and find peace in the midst of it all. As I've been mentioning, focus on your relationship with God, take it to the Lord in prayer, like the old song says. Spend time in prayer, worship, read scripture because you see, just like Joseph, this hyper focus on God will become your anchor and you're going to be less shaken by the instability of these human relationships. Seek support, don't isolate. We tell people at the hospital this all the time. If you're feeling isolated, reach out to friends, reach out to a counselor, reach out to this podcast. You can do that right in a text message. Reach out to a counselor. Reach out to this podcast you can do that right in a text message. Reach out to a support group. This stinks being estranged from family and I'm not trying to throw scripture at it today in an effort to take away your pain. Your pain is there. I'm encouraging you to sit at the feet of the cross, because he does bind up the brokenhearted. Seek some support.

Speaker 1:

One of the things that I have done because, in case you don't know by now, this episode is definitely influenced by some personal experiences One of the things I've done is create new traditions. Since the family traditions are no longer an option, I'm creating new ones, and that looks different for everybody, but maybe it's volunteering. Maybe it's time spending different for everybody, but maybe it's volunteering. Maybe it's time spending some time outside. Maybe it's enjoying a quiet, peaceful day. Maybe it's reading a book. Maybe it's a peaceful time of reflection, creating new traditions. And when you do that for every Christmas that you don't have your family, it might be a little less painful because you're creating new traditions.

Speaker 1:

Finally, extend grace to yourself. Understand that healing takes time, that some days you're going to be all about forgiveness and some days. You're going to be not ready to make nice, as the old Dixie Chick song says. That's okay. You're going to ebb and you're going to flow. Give grace to yourself. Remember that audience of one.

Speaker 1:

Hyper focus on Jesus. Hyper focus on Jesus. Be patient with yourself and know that it's okay to feel sad and grief during the holidays. It's okay to cry, to feel sad and grief during the holidays. It's okay to cry. In fact, I encourage you to do so. It's not okay to hang on to it.

Speaker 1:

Hyper-focus on Jesus. I can't say that enough, because he is the only one that will never leave you and that will never forsake you. He is the only way to God. The Bible tells us Jesus is the way, the truth and the life, and that no man comes to the Father except through Jesus. And so, while we're celebrating the baby who was born to die, and then, 33 years later, in the spring, we will celebrate why he was born to die, to come to die, to pay the price for you, for me, for those that have hurt us, those from whom we're estranged from, for you, for me, for those that have hurt us, those from whom we're estranged from. He died for them too. He died for them too.

Speaker 1:

As we close today's episode, I want to remind you of something critical. In the midst of estrangement, god's love for you is unshakable. No matter the hurt, no matter the distance, his grace is enough. The Christmas story itself reminds us of God's great love for us. As I just mentioned, jesus came to reconcile us to God, the ultimate extrangent, and through him we have hope of restoration. No more estrangement from God, whether that's in our relationship with God or, one day, in our relationship with others, because if it doesn't happen here, it will be made whole in the new heaven. If you're struggling with estrangement this holiday season, please rest in God's presence.

Speaker 1:

Trust that he is working in ways that you cannot see. As we approach Christmas, let us remember the words of Isaiah 9, 6. For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders and he will be called Wonderful Counselor, mighty God, everlasting Father, prince of Peace, jesus is our perfect peace. He will keep us in perfect peace when our mind is stayed perfect peace. He will keep us in perfect peace when our mind is stayed on him. He longs to be with us through the darkest moments. We see that in Isaiah 43. Through the fire, through the dark, through the storm, he is near, even in our brokenness. So I hope this helps you today. For those of you who have estrangement from family during the holidays, there is no question that this is one of the hardest things to navigate. There's also no question that you have to, and so I encourage you today to find a way to do that that is right and good for you, trusting in the sovereignty of the Almighty God, from whom we had the ultimate estrangement one day, and now we don't, and we are called to live our lives worthy of that, and so I hope today that God will be near to the brokenheartedness I know he will, for those of you, under the sound of my voice, that are telling me. But, amy, you don't know. You're right, I don't. But what I do know is that our responsibility doesn't change regardless of what the story is.

Speaker 1:

And so, as you seek the audience of one, as you hyper-focus on Jesus, I do pray for peace. I pray for peace for you and I pray for peace for me, and I pray for peace for the people with whom we are estranged from, because he is a baby who came to this earth to die for our sins, and for that reason, we can have an amazing holiday season, and I hope that you guys all do have an amazing holiday season. As for us, we'll be back here in two weeks picking up on our generational podcast series. I hope that you have a Merry Christmas and we will see you in two weeks. Before we go. You know what I'm going to say you are seen, you are known, you are heard, you are loved and you're so valued, even if you don't feel it in this Christmas season because people you love aren't speaking to you or you aren't speaking to them. That doesn't change the fact that this is true in the sight of an almighty.

Speaker 2:

God, merry Christmas guys, for me, for me, for me, only Jesus For me, for me, only Jesus For me, for me, only Jesus For me, for me, for me. Let my heart want for nothing but you, just you. Let my heart want for nothing but you, just you. The riches of this world could never satisfy. Let my heart want for only you. Let my heart want for nothing but you, just you. Let my heart warm for nothing but you, just you. The riches of this world could never satisfy. Let my heart warm for only you, oh Jesus, let my heart warm for only you, oh Jesus, let my heart want for only you.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Amy Watson

Host