Welcome to "Wednesdays With Watson," a compassionate and insightful podcast dedicated to exploring the complex journey of healing from PTSD, the role of faith in recovery, and the profound impact of trauma on our lives. Hosted by Amy Watson, a passionate advocate for mental health and a trauma survivor, this podcast aims to provide a safe and empathetic space for listeners to learn, share, and find hope.In each episode, we delve deep into the multifaceted aspects of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and its far-reaching effects. We bring you riveting personal stories of resilience, recovery, and transformation and expert interviews with psychologists, therapists, faith leaders, and individuals who have walked the path of healing.Our mission is to break mental health stigma and encourage open dialogue about PTSD and trauma. We explore the profound connection between faith, spirituality, and mental well-being, offering insights into how one's faith can be a powerful source of strength and healing.Whether PTSD, faith, or trauma has touched you or someone you know, "Wednesdays With Watson" is here to inspire, educate, and provide practical tools for navigating the healing journey. Join us on this empowering quest towards reclaiming peace, resilience, and a renewed sense of purpose.Today, subscribe to our community of survivors, advocates, and compassionate listeners. Together, we can heal our hearts and find the path to recovery, one episode at a time.
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Trauma leaves invisible marks that often surface in adulthood as anxiety, relationship struggles, and even physical symptoms. For Child Abuse Awareness Month this April, we're diving deep into the complex ways childhood trauma shapes our adult lives by answering the ten most common questions listeners have submitted about their trauma responses.
What exactly constitutes childhood trauma? Many people wonder if their experiences "count" when they didn't endure extreme abuse. The truth is that trauma isn't just about major events—it's anything that pushed you beyond your capacity to cope. Those persistent feelings of anxiety, disconnection, trust issues, or boundary struggles might be your nervous system's way of protecting you from past wounds.
Boundary setting emerges as one of the most challenging areas for trauma survivors who learned early that keeping peace was safer than speaking up. Setting boundaries isn't selfish—it's essential. The healing journey requires practicing small boundaries and remembering that "no" is a complete sentence. Similarly, emotional numbness and pushing people away despite craving connection reflect survival mechanisms rather than character flaws.
Perhaps most surprising to many is how trauma manifests physically. When your nervous system remains stuck in fight-or-flight mode, it can lead to chronic pain, autoimmune issues, and various physical ailments. Healing requires regulating your nervous system through mindfulness, movement, and somatic practices that help release trapped trauma from your body.
For those struggling with self-worth or wondering if complete healing is possible, there's hope. While some scars may remain, they needn't define your identity or limit your capacity for joy, connection, and purpose. Your trauma is not your identity—your strength and resilience are. As we explore these questions together, remember that every step toward understanding is a step toward healing.
Have you noticed trauma patterns in your own life? Share your experiences or ask questions by sending a text message through our podcast app. You are seen, you are known, you are loved, you are heard, and you are valued.
Song "Safe In Your Arms" by Josh Baldwin used by permission, musicbed.com subsribtion
Shadow I see is the shadow of your wings. The shadow of your wings.
Speaker 2:
Hey everybody and welcome back to the Wednesdays with Watson podcast. It is April of 2025 and this month we will be celebrating the fifth birthday of the Wednesdays with Watson podcast. Absolutely crazy to me, guys. Absolutely crazy, but this month is April and it is Child Abuse Awareness Month. Now, for those of you that follow me on social media and if you aren't doing that, why Click in the notes in the link on my link tree and Instagram is probably the best place for you, especially in April, because during April, for the last several Aprils, I have basically for 30 days taken videos of myself acting like a child, and I called it the lost childhood challenge, because my childhood was lost, as many of you know, to neglect and to abuse. Now, this month as I as this year, I should say is I am in the middle. You know, that's actually being kind. I am writing my dissertation. I wish I was in the middle of it and a bunch of other things. There just isn't time to do it as much. This year, however, I'm going to be sharing videos from the last several years the best ones, the funniest ones on my Instagram to bring awareness to Child Abuse Awareness Month, and so that handle is author Amy Watson.
Speaker 2:
Today, I am taking some listener questions as it pertains to childhood trauma and adulthood, and so I hope that this episode will be informational to you guys, and I would imagine that one of these 10 questions that were sent to me from listeners might be yours, and so let's drop into. Have wondered, like some of these people that sent these questions to me, how trauma affects your life. Now, listen, we've talked a lot about trauma on here. I even recorded an episode we're a week late on about trauma. That got very, very heady and very academic and all the things, and so so I did not publish that because it was way too scientific and geeky, and so I'm going to try not to make that the case today, but we've talked a lot about how trauma affects us. Some people want to know, though, why certain patterns keep repeating, and then I've even, sadly, had messages is healing even possible? Some of the most heartbreaking messages that I get. Today, though, I'm going to tackle some of these most common questions as we're sent to me by listeners, and so go, grab some coffee, tea, whatever it is it's in your cup and take a deep breath, and let's walk down this road together. The first question that was sent to me and this was sent to me a couple times how do I know if I have childhood trauma? This person in particular goes on to say I didn't experience abuse or anything extreme, but I struggle with anxiety and relationships anything extreme, but I struggle with anxiety and relationships. How do I know if I have unresolved trauma? Well, you guys know that if you're asking that question, that always means you're curious, and curiosity is good when we think about these things. This is a good question and I do think that I've covered this a lot.
Speaker 2:
Trauma doesn't have to be one big, scary event. Remember, trauma is anything that pushes you, as a human being, outside of your God given ability to cope, or that sciencey, heady phrase that you've often heard me say window of tolerance. Because, you see, trauma it's not about just major events. It is about how your brain and your body respond to the stress that you endure. Part of are made in the image of God and no one is like the other person. So if you grew up in an environment where you felt unsafe, felt unsafe, so, regardless of whether you were safe or not, or you felt unheard, or if, like you, felt like you had to earn love. That can be trauma too. I oftentimes am nervous. I think is a good word about sharing my story, because people will compare traumas and we've said before we don't do that on this podcast. But people will say to me, amy, I don't have a story like yours, I don't have trauma. That's not true, okay. So remember, trauma isn't just about major events. It's about anything that pushes you outside of your ability, your God given ability to cope. Your ability, your God-given ability to cope.
Speaker 2:
Some signs of unresolved trauma include things like feeling anxious or disconnected and you really can't find a reason like you are just all the time riddled with anxiety. You may be struggling with trust, trusting other people. You might not have a great self worth. You may have poor boundaries. The latter is a huge trauma response poor boundaries. You might overreact to stress or you might completely shut down.
Speaker 2:
One of my favorite shows of all time is the West Wing and there's an episode early on where Martin Sheen, who plays the president and the West Wing friend, is killed because an airplane is shot out of the air and he basically wants to blow that country off of the map, and the episode is called Disproportionate Response. If you are responding like a five-along fire when you stub your toe. You need to talk to somebody because there's something going on. This is this overreacting that we see. Or if things happen and you're like, meh, I don't even know what's going on, I don't feel, and so, that being said, those things are some ways to know if you don't remember a particular traumatic situation in your life but yet you're feeling anxious, or you're feeling disconnected and there's not a reason for it, or you're overreacting like you want to blow a country off the map for something and it was one human being. You're overreacting to things If you struggle with self-worth or boundaries.
Speaker 2:
Let's talk about boundaries. Great lead into the next question from a listener why do I struggle with boundaries? This person goes on to say I have had a hard time saying no and always put others before myself. Could this be related to childhood trauma? And no, I didn't make up this question, although I could have written this question, because I definitely struggle with this myself. The truth is, many trauma survivors learn that keeping the peace this is so important. Keeping the peace in a situation oftentimes is safer than speaking up. I'm going to say that again. Survivors of childhood abuse have learned, have been conditioned, have been psychologically conditioned and therefore will psychologically respond to the inerrant thought that being safe and keeping the peace is better than speaking up. Let that lay there, because boundaries are not selfish at all. Your voice matters. One of the things we say on this podcast is you are seen, you are known, you are loved, you are heard. Boundaries are not selfish, they're essential. Here is what healing looks like Practicing small boundaries and sitting with the discomfort Kind of give you an out there nebulous example.
Speaker 2:
Say, somebody in your life is toxic, or maybe somebody in your life is a trauma maker and you need to set boundaries because they're all over your psyche, all over your world. You can do things like hey, please don't text me past eight o'clock at night, small boundary, and you will be really uncomfortable and people will challenge those boundaries. They will text you at 830. And if you respond, you're conditioning them to say her boundaries, his boundaries, don't matter. And so practice small boundaries before you do the big ones. And remember this no is a complete sentence, period. No is a complete sentence. And if it costs you your peace, it's too expensive, right? If it costs you peace, it's too expensive. I don't know who actually came up with that quote not me. But boundary setting for survivors of trauma is very, very difficult, and this is something that I'm going to be helping people with with my Victory Trauma Consulting that we have soft-launched and work one-on-one with people, and if you're interested in that, you can also click on the link in the notes. I would love to sit down with you for 15 or 20 minutes, but boundaries is a big one for survivors of child abuse.
Speaker 2:
Somebody asked why do I feel so numb instead of sad when I think about the things that I have been through? The person continues to say I know I've been through some difficult things, but I don't really feel anything about them. What's wrong with me? This question broke my heart. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is wrong with you. Remember this is the fight, flight, freeze or fun that we see in PTSD.
Speaker 2:
So emotional numbness is a survival response. Your brain, from a very early age, when it was not yet fully formed, learn to shut down emotions to protect you from overwhelming pain. This is something that we say in the field called disassociation, and it's very common in trauma survivors. Do you ever find yourself just zoning out and like you don't even know how you got to work? That's some disassociation that every one of us do, but if you completely zone out and conversations or when you're thinking about these things, that is your body's, your brain's defense mechanism, protective response to protect you from pain. And the answer to not feeling numb is to work through the trauma with somebody that you trust, because numbing continues to get worse, and then, when you're not able to numb yourself, then we begin to look for things that numb us, and so emotional numbing is a protective mechanism until you can and will deal with the trauma. Until you deal with it, though, your body is going to keep the score, and so, while you feel numb, that trauma is stuck in your body and it needs to be moved through, and the only way through it is through it, and that is with somebody that you trust. But you feel numb as a defense mechanism. You do not have to force emotions. I'm not asking you to force the emotions, but you also deserve to feel safe enough to experience them again. I'll say that again you don't have to force the emotions. No-transcript.
Speaker 2:
The next person asked me why do I push people away? I crave deep connections, but then pull away when people get too close. Why do I do this? Now, this person doesn't actually tell us how they push people away, but we all have those people in our life that just test us. They try to push us away because they want to know if you will stay away, because they want to know if you will stay. And I am saying to this person you are likely testing people without even knowing it, to try to see who has the goods to stay with you. Not a bad way of being.
Speaker 2:
In some case, if love once felt unpredictable or unsafe to you, your brain now associates that closeness with a risk. This isn't something wrong with you, that closeness with a risk. This isn't something wrong with you. This is a trauma response. Your nervous system is trying to protect you from the pain that you once felt. So you could be both using this as a defense mechanism and subconsciously testing that person to see if they're the real deal, if they're going to stay, if they're going to leave and hurt you too.
Speaker 2:
You can break that cycle by recognizing when that fear is leading the way in your relationships. Right, just stop, be curious and ask yourself am I pushing people away because I'm afraid? And you might not even know what fear looks like or feels like, because it is the standard for you, and so you really have to get alone with yourself on this and evaluate how you're feeling. Are you afraid? Are you afraid? One of the things that you can do is find just one person, maybe two, that you trust, and take small, small steps towards being vulnerable with those people and trusting those people, and then also remind yourself that, despite your experience, not everyone will hurt you.
Speaker 2:
Safe love isn't something that you have to earn. It is something that you deserve. Read that again. Safe love isn't something you have to learn. It is something you deserve.
Speaker 2:
The next question can trauma cause physical symptoms? Nellie, I love this question. Can trauma cause physical symptoms? The listener goes on to say I have chronic pain and anxiety. Could this be linked to childhood trauma? And the answer is a thousand percent yes. Trauma lives in the body.
Speaker 2:
This is vessel vanderkalk's whole book the body keeps the score. He talks about how trauma will stay stuck in our body until we process it. It is the reason why, if any of you have ever done body work, the counselor will say to you or mindfulness work, the counselor will say to you, where do you feel it in your body? And you take a deep breath and you know where do I feel it in my body and for some people it takes a long time For some people.
Speaker 2:
I remember when I was working with Lauren Starnes on when the Body Talks and she sent me this five minute video that made me pay attention to how my body was feeling and at first I hated it and it sent me into pure anxiety. But that was the point she wanted me to understand that trauma lives in my body and not just in my mind. So when your nervous system is stuck in that fight or flight mode, it absolutely will lead to chronic pain. It will lead to autoimmune issues. I have four of those and just about anything else. The body absolutely keeps the score and we need to understand that there's some action that we have to take to move that trauma through our body, because healing is not just about talking. It is about listening to your body. That means regulating your nervous system. I have an aura ring that helps me understand where I am on. That I realize not everybody can afford those. But man that helps me understand where I am on that I realize not everybody can afford those, but man, it tells me when I my body is stressed, but regulating that nervous system, first by curiosity, second by some breath work.
Speaker 2:
I was in a session with my own counselor a couple weeks ago and I was telling the counselor how I go to work and just when I leave there I have nothing left because I go there and just kind of give them all of my energies and all of my spoons. And I was telling her how we have these doors in the hospital because I work on a psych unit, so there's several doors to get out and they're badged, but one of them you actually have to wait for one door to close before the other door opens. And I was like literally up on the door just impatiently waiting for the second door to open. And my counselor said why don't you try to take a couple breaths while you're waiting for the other door to open and how about you not try to help it? Fair Breath work is a lot. You're smelling the roses, blowing out the birthday candles.
Speaker 2:
Movement also helps regulate your nervous system. When I learned when I went through Lauren Starnes' body, when the body talks, she has four things that she talks about regulating your nervous system, moving your body, eating, drinking and sleeping. Stands for meds, eating, excuse me moving, eating, drinking, sleeping. When you're moving your body, you're not necessarily out there to get your heart rate up. You're there to get the anxiety out, and you can almost when you walk, if you swing your arms and vision, it literally leaving your fingertips. You need to honor what your body is telling you instead of ignoring it and then, particularly if you're of generation X, this is very foreign to you.
Speaker 2:
You can also explore some somatic healing activities like yoga, pilates, anything that makes you hyper focus. I always tell people I love yoga and Pilates because it just makes. I'm just there, trying not to die. That's all I'm thinking about is trying not to die. But guess what, when I'm thinking about trying not to die, and I'm thinking about trying not to fall, I'm thinking about holding this pose, I'm thinking about taking this breath. Guess what I'm not thinking about? Right? All the things that are jacking up my nervous system, right, and so trauma can handle physical symptoms.
Speaker 2:
This next question I was actually kind of surprised somebody sent me but can I heal without therapy? I can't afford therapy right now. Are there ways I can still work on healing First? Yeah, of course there is. Healing is still possible outside of therapy. There's some things that you can do. I've talked about some of them already Mindfulness, being curious, taking time to process and move some of the trauma. You can do that through journaling. You're listening to this podcast. That's one thing that might be able to help you and then find supportive, safe people to walk with you. Therapy is a great tool, but it doesn't limit your healing. Every step matters. Now I will say part of why I opened Victory Trauma Counseling is to help people that can't afford traditional therapy. That's two and $300 an hour. If you are interested in working with me, you can click on that in the show notes and I will reach out to you and we can go from there. This is on based on your ability to pay and so, but you can heal without therapy and you've got to be mindful of it. You've got to be curious and you have to, again mindful, curious and pay attention all mean the same thing, but that's what you need to do.
Speaker 2:
This next question kind of hit me in the gut why do I feel guilty for cutting off toxic family members? I had to step back from a certain family members for my well being, but I feel so guilty. This is very common in people, adult survivors of childhood abuse, when their abusers are still on the planet. I'm very fortunate in the respect that my abusers are not on the planet and so I've not had to worry about this. I've not had to worry about being in relationship with them. I did have to take my trauma maker, my mom, off the ventilator when I was only 19 years old, but that's as much as I've gotten into my abusers at least, and would have had to make this step back from certain family members. But certainly I've had to do that with family members and it sucks. There is no doubt about it.
Speaker 2:
And, yes, you're going to feel guilty, especially if you're a Christian, because it seems anti-Christian, it doesn't seem biblical, and I don't have time to talk about why that is not accurate. But, yes, trauma survivors often feel responsible for maintaining these family ties, even when the relationships are harmful to you. But let me say this you are not required to keep relationships that damage your mental health, because choosing your survival is not betrayal, it's survival. Say that again You're not required to keep relationships that damage your mental health. Choosing yourself isn't betrayal, it's survival. Hard, hard, hard thing to do. I know I deal with this every day with family members. That can't be in my life, and so it's a great question. Next question why do I struggle with self worth? I constantly feel like I'm not good enough, no matter what I accomplish. Could this be from childhood trauma? And, of course, if love was conditioned in childhood, you might have learned that worth is something that you earn. But your worth isn't based on what you do. It's based on who you are, and I'm preaching to the choir here as a survivor of child abuse myself. This is something that I struggle with.
Speaker 2:
Healing looks like speaking to yourself with kindness. Do you guys do something that I do? When I make a mistake, I'll be like well, that was dumb, amy. What a dumb thing to do. Do you speak to yourself like that? Do you speak to yourself like you speak to your best friend? Because you should? You also have to let go of perfectionism. Again, preaching to the choir. You also have to let go of perfectionism. Again, preaching to the choir. You also have to let go of perfectionism.
Speaker 2:
There's something about trauma survivors who have this all or nothing thinking, and the fact of the matter is is nothing is all and nothing is no, and nothing is nothing and nothing, as always, right, I know that was a lot of words, but you have to remind yourself daily that you are enough. You have to remind yourself daily that you're seen, you are known, you are heard, you are loved and you are valued. You have to remind yourself of those things because you are. This question made me cry. Will I ever fully heal?
Speaker 2:
The listener goes on to say will I ever be free from my trauma, or is it something that I will struggle with forever? Oh, wow, you know. As a Christian, I tell you that, sir. Yeah, you could. You could be 100% healed from your trauma, if that's the story that God decides to tell in your life. But what if your power is in your affliction and your trauma is your superpower and that's the life that you're meant to live? Because, see for me, having not been fully healed until I get to heaven makes me rely on the star of the story, who is Jesus. But healing isn't about erasing the past. It's about learning to live fully despite it, and I hope that I've done that. Trauma may leave scars, but those scars don't define you. You are not what happened to you, but what you are is a child of the Most High God. You are your strength, you are your resilience and you are the precious daughter, precious son of the Most High God.
Speaker 2:
Childhood trauma definitely has its effects on us, its marks on us, and these have been some good questions as it pertains to trauma in general, but particularly childhood trauma, because you see, what happened to you before your brain fully formed, changed your brain, but the good news is is you can rewire it and that's the kind of trauma work that absolutely brings healing, that absolutely takes some of these negative consequences self worth issues, not thinking you're going to heal, toxic family members, physical ailments that we talked about, pushing people away, relational issues, numbness, struggling with boundaries and just constantly questioning whether you have childhood trauma. Regardless of your memories, the bottom line is, guys, if these questions resonated with you, you could, could or could not have childhood trauma. I hope that the answers, the questions and your answers helped you. I'd love to hear your thoughts. You can send a text message right there while you're in your podcast app. It simply says send a text message.
Speaker 2:
Remember, healing is not about being perfect.
Speaker 2:
Perfect, it is about learning to love yourself through the process, and that is the hardest thing for us to do, and so we will be back here in two weeks we'll probably still be talking about this topic of childhood trauma.
Speaker 2:
If you have a question and we get, if we get a good number of like these again, I will do another q? A, so pop that question and send me a text message. I am the only one that sees that, and I don't even know who you are. I just see the last few digits of your phone number when you text through that, and so would love to answer any additional questions as it pertains to childhood trauma. Until next week, guys, or until two weeks, I should say, when we will be actually close to the actual date of the fifth anniversary of the Wednesdays with Watson podcast. I want you to know that you are seen, you are known, you are loved, you are heard and you are so, so, valued and, as this song by Josh Baldwin tells us, you are safe in his arms, because trauma, by very definition, is when your safety has been compromised and you're safe in the arms of the most high.
Speaker 3:
God see you, guys, in two weeks you were there when there was nothing left, a spark of hope where I saw empty names. Somehow, even in pieces, you restore me with your peace In the driest of deserts. You're the never-ending stream. I'm safe in your arms, your arms of love. Safe in your arms, your arms of love. All of my heart, my hope, my trust is Him. Safe in your arms, your arms of love. Safe in your arms, your love.
Speaker 1:
And the only shadow I see Is the shadow of your wings, the shadow of your wings, and the only shelter I need is the shadow of your, is the shadow of your wings.
Speaker 3:
The shadow of your wings, and the only shelter I need Is the shadow of your wings, the shadow of your wings, the shadow of your wings. I'm safe in your arms, your arms alone. I'm safe in your arms, your arms of love. All of my heart, my whole, my trust is in you, safe in your arms, your arms of love, of love. I'll sing in your arms, your arms of love.
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