Wednesdays With Watson: Faith & Trauma Amy Watson- PTSD Patient-Trauma Survivor

Healing's Hard Question

• Amy Watson: Trauma Survivor, Hope Carrier, Precious Daughter Of The Most High God • Season 7 • Episode 17

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"Do you want to get well?" The question Jesus asked a paralyzed man at the Pool of Bethesda seems almost ridiculous on the surface. Why wouldn't someone paralyzed for 38 years want healing? Yet this profound question cuts straight to the heart of our complicated relationship with wellness.

Sometimes the most difficult part of healing isn't the pain itself—it's surrendering the identity we've built around being broken. For the man at Bethesda, wellness would mean leaving behind the security of being cared for, the familiar routine of his days by the pool, and stepping into an unknown future with new responsibilities. His immediate response wasn't "yes" but a list of excuses about why healing hadn't happened yet.

In this deeply personal episode, Amy Watson vulnerably shares her own journey of paralysis—not physical, but emotional. For decades, trauma, abuse, and neglect had become her identity, her comfortable narrative, her "badge of honor." When asked the same question Jesus posed at Bethesda, "Do you want to get well?", Amy found herself resistant. Wellness would require stepping into the light after years in darkness, confronting painful truths, and most challengingly, living a life worthy of her healing.

The question "Do you want to get well?" isn't just for those with physical ailments or trauma histories. It's for anyone trapped in bitterness, resentment, harmful patterns, or spiritual stagnation. Getting well means getting up and walking forward—taking responsibility for our healing and using it to glorify the God who made us whole.

What area of your life has been paralyzed, not by circumstance, but by choice? What would it look like if you truly allowed Jesus to heal you and picked up your mat? As Amy reminds us, Jesus doesn't write bad stories—He just asks us to put down our pens and trust Him as the author of our healing journey.


Feature a microphone or symbolic imagery (e.g., a broken heart mending, light through cracks)?

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Speaker 1:

Hey everybody and welcome back to the Wednesdays with Watson podcast. My name is Amy Watson and I am your host. Just in case you don't know, that Today's episode is a little bit different in the sense that the audio is not fantastic, but this is an opportunity that I had to speak at my church, calvary Church in Clearwater, and we are doing a series on the questions that Jesus asks, and so, while I am knee-deep in trying to defend this dissertation proposal, I do not have the bipolar episode that I promised, but that is coming here in May of 2025 to really kind of highlight Mental Health Awareness Month. But let's drop into this episode where I had the opportunity to speak at my church on one of the questions that Jesus asked, and the question that I chose will not surprise anybody.

Speaker 1:

When Jesus asked do you even want to get well? Some translations say do you want to be healed? My favorite, maybe, is do you want to be made whole? So many times we sit by those pools and we don't have faith and we don't ask and we don't seek wellness, because that is easier in a sense. But if you're ready to do the hard work and you're ready to get well, god is here to be the star of your story and to redeem all of it. So let's drop into this episode where I had the opportunity to speak on the questions that Jesus asked. Do you want to get? Well? So, for those of you who don't know what I'm doing, as you see behind me we're doing a 16-week teaching where each one of the facilitators are going to teach a week on a question that Jesus asked, and Cheryl changed that from the past tense to the present tense because Jesus is still asking us those questions All right.

Speaker 1:

So, with that being said, one of my favorite parts about this weekend or, excuse me, about this semester, is that there is very little homework and I just finished up a doctorate degree, so I'm very happy about the homework.

Speaker 1:

But really on your table should be a list of what we're going to be doing each week, and really all we're asking is that you read the scripture, the passage, and if you don't, that's what we're going to read for you too. So I hope that you will come. I hope that you will invite your friends, particularly as we get closer to Easter, because the cool thing about this week is, if you missed this week, you can still come next week, and so on and so on. So it's not like all of us have been in this Bible study. We've missed 23 weeks of the homework. We're like, well, I may as well not even do it, and so we would really love it if you guys could invite us, because we believe that when we're talking about the stories of Jesus, that he alone will be glorified, and so when Cheryl mentioned this, she mentioned she, I think. I can't remember whether I got a little early intel on this, but when she mentioned the questions that we were going to have.

Speaker 1:

I believe that I texted her in the middle of the night planning this one, and so you'll find out a little bit why, as I continue to share. But we know that the questions of Jesus are not wasted, and this story that we're going to share tonight, we could go in so many different directions and I've wanted to do that. Trust me, but the Lord is impressed upon my work to share with you in part my testimony and, but more importantly, the Word of God.

Speaker 1:

And so I am in. I'm not sure how I got here first. I am not feeling any pressure, so you guys just kind of work with me a little bit, but let's dive into the words. So quick question.

Speaker 2:

How many of you guys have been to?

Speaker 1:

Jerusalem and seen where the pools of Bethesda are. Wow, awesome, yeah. So my friend Jen was sharing with me how cool it is, so I hope to one day get to see that, but it does exist.

Speaker 2:

All right.

Speaker 1:

So, today, though, we believe that those pools are at St Anne's Church, and that's where they are thought to be now. And you can't go there to see it. So the word Bethesda means house of mercy or house of grace, and that is going to be really important as we walk through the scripture together. Let's read the text first. I am in John, chapter 5.

Speaker 2:

We are reading in the Christian Standard Bible Now if you guys are in a different version than the Christian Standard Bible?

Speaker 1:

Now if you guys are in a different version than the Christian Standard Bible, particularly if you're in the King James Version. I don't know how many of us are still doing that, but verse 4 is almost only listed in the King James Version.

Speaker 1:

But it does give us some context to the story, and so I will highlight verse 4 and read it to you out of the Christian standard version. But I am in John, chapter 5, if you guys want to make your way there, we are going to be reading verses 1 through 18. And, as I mentioned, I'm reading out of the Christian standard version. So after this, starting from verse 1, after this, a Jewish festival took place, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem by the Sheikah.

Speaker 1:

In Jerusalem there is a pool called Bethesda in Aramid which has five colonnades. Within these lay a large number of disabled, blind, lame, paralyzed, one man who had been disabled for 38 years. When Jesus saw him there he realized he had already been there for a really long time. And he said to him and here's our question do you want to get well?

Speaker 1:

The disabled man answered I have no one to put me in the pool when the water has stirred up. But while I am coming, someone goes down ahead of me. Get up. Jesus told him Pick up your mat and walk Instantly. The man got well, picked up his mat and walked Now that day was the Sabbath, and so the Jews said to the man who had been healed.

Speaker 1:

This is the Sabbath. The law prohibits you from picking up your mat. He replied the man who made been healed. This is the Sabbath. The law prohibits you from picking up your mat. He replied the man who made you well told me to pick up my mat and walk. They asked him who is this man that told you to pick up your mat and walk? They asked that the man who was healed did not know who he was because Jesus had slipped away into the crowd that was there.

Speaker 1:

After this, jesus found him in the temple and said to him See, you are well, do not sin anymore, so that something worse may not happen to you. The man went and reported to the Jews that it was Jesus who had made them well. Therefore, the Jews began to persecute Jesus because he was doing these things on the Sabbath, as Jesus liked to do, and there's always a lesson in that part too. So let's set the scene for just a little bit. One more question for you how many of you guys were here for our study on Jesus and women?

Speaker 1:

Okay, one of the things that rocked my world in that study, when we studied about the woman against the wall, is how Christie was teaching us that on this way, on this day, jesus made his way to a feast. The Bible doesn't tell us which feast it is, but we know that he journeyed from Galilee to Bethlehem, which is about 120 miles.

Speaker 2:

He made his way up to that feast into the area of what's called the Sheep Gate, which is significant at the poles of Bethesda.

Speaker 1:

This would have been the same gate that Jesus, the Lamb of God, walked through at the end of this ministry, for you and for me, and for all of those people there, and for the man that he healed, and so some scholars also believe that this was Jesus' third miracle, with one of his miracles being the woman at the well in John, chapter 4, where Jesus was beginning to show us that he intimately knew people. He also healed the official's son.

Speaker 1:

And so there is some thought process that this was Jesus' first miracle. The miracle happened after, as I mentioned, after Jesus met the woman at the well.

Speaker 2:

As.

Speaker 1:

Cheryl mentioned to us last week there are no questions that Jesus asked. That was wasted, and certainly we know that none of his actions of Jesus were without purpose.

Speaker 2:

And so for his first public miracle.

Speaker 1:

As I mentioned, jesus decided to perform it on the Sabbath. I want to point that out because it's important in this text and it should and could be more deeply explored. We're not going to do that tonight, but that is significant that Jesus decided to do this on his first public miracle on the.

Speaker 1:

Sabbath Okay, so as we're studying the questions that Jesus asked, I think it's important that we remember that Jesus was on this planet for 33 years. He was on a mission. Not a word, not a deed, not an action was wasted when he asked questions. He had a reason. So the goal is for us to figure out what the mission behind such a fine question. I said to the facilitator today, I'm like this question reminds me a little bit of what we always ask our kids. Would you mind speaking? This question seems special to God, right.

Speaker 2:

How do we apply this question?

Speaker 1:

to our lives. So, verses 1 and 2, we know that he came up from Galilee after having healed the official son, which is about 120 miles. In verse 2, we see that he came to that sheep gate near the pole of Bethesda. The other significance to the sheep gate is this is where the poor, the lame, the sick, the deaf, the blind, it's where they all come out and Jesus chose to go through the sheep gate to go to those people. The sheep gate is where they all took off sacrifices, sat in the seat and Christ had Jesus, who would walk through that same sheep gate for us and we celebrate in that in a couple months. Verse 3 tells us that there were a lot of people there.

Speaker 1:

They were blind, they were lame and paralyzed. Why were they there? And this is where that missing verse doesn't give us as much context, and so I'm not here to argue the validity of that. I believe in the full canon of Scripture and what's in there is supposed to be in there. Some people think that maybe John the Great was was in the margin, or maybe it was implied, but this is verse 4 that's omitted from some of the text to give us a little bit of context of what was going on here at the pool of Bethesda.

Speaker 1:

So verse 4 of the King James Version says For an angel went down at a certain season into the pool and troubled the water that whosoever. Then, first after troubling, the water stepped in and was made whole of whatever disease he had.

Speaker 1:

And so there's a single moment in time when this healing happened, when the angel came and stirred the water. That's significant. I'm going to talk about that in just a second. The man had been there for 38 years. It's really interesting because some historians and commentators believe that there's a significance to the amount of time that the man had laid their lame, as this was roughly the amount of time that the children of Israel wandered in the wilderness.

Speaker 1:

And ironically, as I'm going to, share with you in just a few minutes almost exactly the amount of time that I've had my mind over a wheel full of water, paralyzed and unwilling to get up or to get well. We see in verse 6 that when Jesus saw the man, he asked the question do you want to be made whole? I love the King James Version that you want to be made well? And the King James Version says do you want to be made whole? I love the King James version of that. Do you want to be made well? And the King James version says do you want to be made whole? Some versions say do you want to be healed? The man provides all the reasons why you can't be healed.

Speaker 2:

The others got in front of them.

Speaker 1:

There was no one to help them get into the water. People literally beat them down to the water. One to help him get into the water? People literally beat him down to the water. If you go and watch the clip from the Chosen on this passage of scripture, it's really quite comical. They just literally walk right over him and push him down. I'm not sure that those things happen. Dallas James would be a little creative in those things.

Speaker 1:

So from the information in verse 4, as I read it from some of these texts, help us understand that, like I said, there was a single moment in time when the angel came and stirred the water, so everybody had to be ready. You had to be there and you had to be ready and you had to be willing to get up and get into the water.

Speaker 1:

You see in verse 8 that Jesus doesn't even acknowledge the man's excuses. He says Verse 8, jesus doesn't even acknowledge the man's excuses. He says all the reasons why he can't send the water. What should you tell him? Get up, pick up your mat and walk.

Speaker 1:

As the man started to walk and again this is on the Sabbath the leaders began to question him. I think it's really interesting that the man had no idea who Jesus was, as we read in the Scripture, when they were like you're not supposed to walk your mouths out, but that man told me to pick up my mat, or who's he, I don't know. He healed me. He told me to get up and walk, and so I think that's significant. He didn't even know he healed him.

Speaker 1:

He just said the man who told me to pick up my mat and walk. He had no idea who Jesus is, but the Bible tells us that Jesus left very quickly and dodged out, which I find interesting in the Greek there. So Jesus did this miracle and then peaced out, Like he completely disappeared.

Speaker 1:

So they ask him who Jesus is, basically for the man to identify him, and he finally points out to Jesus that Jesus was no longer there. But Jesus was no longer there and he notably did not heal anybody else that was there, A ton of sick people, and Jesus only chose in that moment to heal that man. The Bible tells us the man that Noah and Micah said. But then this is really interesting later Jesus found him in the temple and we don't know whether it was because it was a Sabbath he went to the temple or he really went to the temple because he had experienced healing.

Speaker 2:

This is if I'm not mistaken.

Speaker 1:

the only time that Jesus heals somebody in the Bible when he doesn't say go, your faith has made you whole. He just said pick up your mat and walk. And then Jesus left. But then later he finds him in the temple and Jesus said to him look, you're well, go and sin no more. Now I am not here again. This could be a whole nother lesson to talk about whether this man's illness was connected to his sin.

Speaker 1:

That's a whole other lesson, but I do think that Jesus was saying to him go and be a good steward of your healing. Go, do something with what I've done for you.

Speaker 2:

And so when he said go and sin, no more, something worse may happen to you.

Speaker 1:

It does help us understand that there are worse things to be ill from on this planet than physical illness. On to verse 15, we see that the man went and told the people that it was Jesus who named him. Well, and then, of course, in verse 16, we see that Jesus is persecuted because of what he did on the Sabbath.

Speaker 1:

And I go back to this idea, or I didn't know, last week, when Cheryl mentioned this idea to us about the questions of Jesus and how I knew that this was the question that I wanted. I don't know how everybody else is going to be after me, but I know that we're all asking the Holy Spirit to give us a word for you in our interaction with this text, the interaction with the truth of the text and, more importantly, the interaction with the star of the story, who is Jesus. In this book, the North Face of God, ken Geyer tells the story of a man that had been praying for years and years and years for a son to be healed. When that didn't happen, the man became despondent and there's a scene in the book where Ken Dyer was saying the man was in this church and he heard from God if I don't heal your son, can I still be your God? This book is a huge part of my testimony. It's an excellent book, the North Face of God by Kim Geyer.

Speaker 1:

It was given to me in one of the darkest times of my life, right up there in that parking lot. I remember reading that part of the page and and I went back and looked and it's got highlights and dog ears and pins and holes and all the things, because that page just slapped me upside the head Because, see, the question flipped in my mind. Question flipped in my mind Because when that book was given to me and no one noticed I had been alive. Just a few weeks later after this book was given to me, I was hospitalized for a suicide attempt. I remember when I read that scene and the flip of perspective that happened in my head Because, you see, I lived with a lifetime of trauma, neglect and abuse and I was a man who could order.

Speaker 1:

For just a year, after living a 12-year abusive marriage, I got very comfortable in that man who I was. It was easier to lay there and let all this trauma, all this abuse, all this neglect be my story. I'd walk around and I'd tell it like a badge of honor. There are people in this room whose children I taught during this time of my life and I walked around. And I walked around then and taught and told my story like it was a badge of courage, like a badge of honor, and I will not share the atrocities with you that I went through tonight. That is for me and Jesus. But I will tell that story like I was giving you directions to the bank. Being unwell was my favorite place to be. It was comfortable and I had gotten very familiar with being sick, because being sick required absolutely nothing of me. The story that God had told my whole life in my mind was that I was always going to be less than a throwaway kid, an orphan somebody that's not meant to live a life that is abundant and free.

Speaker 1:

So I was thinking about that question in that King Ira book. When I read that question, it flipped for me, and this is what the Lord said to me he said, amy, if I choose to heal, you from what you've endured, from the lifetime of trauma, the abatement of your mom, the neglect of your mom, the abuse of several people.

Speaker 1:

God said to me if I choose to heal those things, can I still be your? God Wait what? But then who will I be? What will I do and, more importantly, what will be required of me? So, while preparing, for this.

Speaker 1:

I thought a lot about how much of this story I was going to share with you tonight, because these days none of this defines who I am, but at one point it was 100% of who I am. I was. I only knew one way to live, and that was sick. People knew me as an overcomer. If I chose to let God heal me, what would my identity be then? I didn't know. I knew that.

Speaker 1:

I was uncomfortable seeking healing and I loved just laying there paralyzed by unhealed pain, unwilling and uninterested in inviting the unknown into my narrative. What's that saying? The devil is with the morning, love or something like that. I was very familiar with pain, so it was my happy place, and so this question God asked me if I heal you, can I still be your God? Was very real in my mind. As I mentioned, I had become very comfortable in that pain. It was my friend, it was familiar to me and, as I mentioned, it required nothing of me in the presence of an almighty God. I would just walk around, make my orphan jokes, call myself a furry kid, and now God was asking me to pick it up and walk.

Speaker 1:

So for any of you that thinks, that this question that Jesus asked at the pulpit. That's a crazy question. I hope it provide some insight on why it's such a powerful question and why God's question to me that day was just as powerful. As we read this passage we see that the man had been paralyzed and waiting by the pool for 38 years to be healed.

Speaker 1:

But we see at one point in this story he wasn't interested in healing, just like me. He was only interested in excuses and reasons why he could not take advantage of the hope that was on offer to him Because, remember, we learned in Jesus and women that this man was going to be taken care of for the rest of his life. If you were lame, poor, blind or any of those things, society had a huge responsibility to you to make sure that you at least had your most basic needs met.

Speaker 1:

And so for me, society had a certain responsibility. In my mind, the church had a responsibility too. There's James 1.21,. I wrote around a lot of time take care of the Lord and the people, and I'm both, and so while would I? Have wanted to life anything different, right. Why would I have wanted to life anything different?

Speaker 2:

Why would this man in?

Speaker 1:

this story, want to life anything different. But do you think him or I always had that philosophy? Or do you think that I, as a 5, 7, 9, 11, 13, 15, all the pain points? Do you think there was some hope in my life and some hope in this man's life that one day I would get into the pool and then life does what it does and suddenly we just lay there and don't even try anymore. Because I can promise you, at one point I had all the hopes and dreams that God would tell a different story. Part of the reason why I stayed in a 12-year abuse affair was because I thought God was going to tell a different story. But as each day flipped by and everything continued to happen, from that unbelievable childhood that was filled with massive amounts of abuse and neglect and abandonment, and then that 12 year marriage, I was tired of waiting for the angel to come. I was tired and then, when that happened, healing opportunities happened. I just didn't get up.

Speaker 1:

What do you think it was like for the man early in his journey? Do you think he, at the beginning, got up when he had heard the angels serve the water and did he try? Do you think that, like me. As the years went by, he didn't make it in the water. He just tried less and less, and so, finally, he was going to live in a condition he never hoped, never hope for anything. What is that for you tonight? What can you stop asking Him to do to heal, and what are your excuses for not asking for wholeness? It doesn't have to be a physical illness, it doesn't have to even be trauma. I am asking you if you're willing to do the hard work to remove or heal anything that is keeping you from living the life that is called you to live. Have you stopped asking to be made whole? Are you watching Jesus? Some friends of mine and I had this conversation the other day, are you?

Speaker 1:

watching Jesus do things for those around you that you've asked him for and been discouraged by that. Can you imagine the people that saw Jesus healed? At one hand, the Bible doesn't tell us what they thought, but I wonder if they thought I'm never going to be healed, so I'm going to stop asking. I wonder if they, like me, were angry as I watched other people around me. My friends have completely normal marriages, normal lives, kids, jobs, all the things. They weren't just like a single human being that just turned up their life upside down and showed up at some random church in Clearwater, florida. They all had normal lives and God had not decided to tell that story for me.

Speaker 1:

But do you think that Jesus was heartless because he didn't heal those other people? Do you think he was heartless because he didn't choose to tell a different story in my life or another? No, do you think that he is heartless because he chooses to tell a different story in your life? Do you think that Jesus, he is heartless because he's choosing to tell a different story in your life? Do you think that Jesus is waiting for you to ask to be made whole? And if that happened, what would be required of you If God did the thing, just as he did for the man. Would you get up and walk immediately and would you go find him and praise him in the courts? And when Jesus says, you're well now go and send him more, are you a good steward of the healing in your story? What does this stand for? Well, he went to the temple.

Speaker 1:

So much of that, just like this man, for about 36 years I too have been waiting by a pool of hope, doing all the things, waiting for God to change the narrative, but by the end of the day, I didn't want healing necessarily. I didn't even trust that God could do that, I just wanted the bad things to stop. I wasn't interested in healing because that meant that I was going to have to go to some dark places. It meant that I was going to have to unearth unimaginable pain and it meant that I would have to stop living into the darkness and step into the light. Because, you see, one thing about the light is that it hurts your eyes if you've already surrendered to the darkness. So, just like that man that laid there for 38 years, I had to remember to that. This was always going to be my story and I had a lot of fear about how to live that way. But God, his plan, was a highlight of healing that was unawful for me. Even though I wasn't interested, he was not going to stop pursuing me. He did not stop pursuing this man. He will not stop pursuing you, but it was easier to run from the darkness, you that it was easier to run from the darkness and somehow, one day, god just gave me a shred of desire, but not before I finally did surrender to the darkness.

Speaker 1:

From where I'm standing right now, I could throw a rock to the office, but I sat in in October 2008. I had been in Clearwater for a little over a year. I moved from Jacksonville. I was teaching in this school and going to this church and, aside from that, calvary became a part of my life because one Wednesday night I showed up to a Bible study and the community that I found saved my life. Because one Wednesday night I showed up to a Bible study and the community that I found here saved my life. Don't discount being here tonight. Don't discount the community that is so powerful here, because 17 years later, some of my best friends I met on that first night, 17 years later I think about two or three of you in here who I taught your kids in high school All of us Somebody came and introduced themselves to me and said come to a museum. I was standing at a screen and not at all aware of what I was going to say.

Speaker 1:

So, but when we get safe and I was safe here among my people, willie, and Cheryl Rice would come to my apartment every Friday night and take me to a football game, just so they could put their eyeballs on me and make sure I was okay. I was safe. I will always be grateful to this church and to this school family. I was loved so well, but it was life changing to me because I was loved so well, but it was life-changing to me because I was no longer alone. People were watching me, people were asking me, people were holding me accountable. I was suddenly safe, and getting well was possible for me, and that was terrifying. The truth is, I was happy living with that identity. I really was. I was happy with all of it.

Speaker 1:

A lifetime trauma, though, came for me in October of 2008. I had a simple decision to make was I going to live or was I going to die? Was I going to seek wellness? And as I laid aside my pool with hope on offer right beside me, I didn't want it, and things began to get darker and darker than they'd ever been before. One night I taught here. As I've mentioned, I had to be in front of the chemistry class at 7.30. I'm not sure that first class learned anything, but one night I could not sleep because the demons and the flashbacks and all the things were coming after me For every hour that I saw the clock pass, I took a pill and while I was standing here there was nothing short in a miracle from God Came here the next day, taught six classes.

Speaker 1:

I taught six in a row, then a break, then I taught a class, pointed me off the strokes, came down and told Aaron Wall, who was my boss at the time, what I had done, and he said to me can you teach your last class? Which I thought was an odd question. I've been teaching all day. Yeah, I can't teach your last class, I told.

Speaker 2:

That was an odd question I've been teaching all day, yeah, I was teaching my last class this Saturday.

Speaker 1:

At the end of this class, I want you to come down and see me. I'm either still on the pills from the day before or I don't care that. I went down there I had no idea what was coming for me. Maybe I'll lay down to that office of mercy, that office of grace, not unlike that little.

Speaker 2:

Bethesda.

Speaker 1:

It was time to call me out and tell me to pick up my nut and walk, and so, as I made my way down there, my friend Cheryl was sitting in the corner and Eric told me that Cheryl was going to take me to the hospital. I would ultimately spend five days in a psych ward and, as some of you know the very environment that I work in today, one of the darkest days of my life that I had a decision to make was I'm going to live. They were going to keep me there until I told them that, so I finally did tell them that.

Speaker 1:

Jesus was asking me that he was screaming it from the mountaintops. He was screaming it through my circumstances. He was screaming it. My body was telling me, annie, you can't do this anymore. So I made my way through that hospital visit, majorly on medication. Pain point was still not interested in getting better and so I just kind of walked through my days kind of mad. I was still here.

Speaker 1:

If I'm being honest with you, I was doing life very closely with lots of people, but at that time I had moved in with my friend Chrissy and she and I. She had taken me to the ER probably once a month for five or six months. Something was always wrong. And I remember her saying to me one day while we gathered do you even want to get better? And I remember how mad that question made me, because I stunk, but there was so much lace in that question. Maybe because it stung, but there was so much laced in that question.

Speaker 1:

The fact of the matter is no, I didn't want to get better because, just like the name of this story, getting better meant that I would have to live a life that was abundant and free from the things that paralyzed me for 36 years. It meant that I had to do something with a healing. It meant that I had to live. It meant that I had to live. So now, of course, see, though, I said I do not want to get better, but the fact of the matter is that the Lord used that question in my life to go to the proverbial map of Him and say I don't want to get better. This is where it changed, but truly not mine, but yours. Please, heal me and help me to steward that well. Those words hurt my throat as they came on my mouth that night, because that rest of my message was ugly. Yet, at the end of it all, jesus is what my heart wanted, and he called me into that glorious light. I had known him most of my life. I knew his voice.

Speaker 1:

This man in our story did not know his voice, but he used Christi's question to ask me if I trusted him with my pain. He used Christi's question to remind me, if I heal you of the things that make you feel good inside on this earth, can I still be your God? Because her question was not an unfair one, because the fact of the matter is that I could live the rest of my life living in the depths of that pain and sorrow. That happened right, and I could give Jesus all of my excuses. It's too hard, but I wish I could describe to you the call of obedience that I felt in that moment. And so, one night, I slid down a wall near my closet. And so, one night, I slid down a wall near my closet, and hours later I found myself out of tears, out of words and barely able to get off the floor.

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Something significant happened in that obedience and I have never, ever, been the same. Obedience for me and for this man, and sacrifice of sorts Obedience for you and the choice to seek wellness will likely cost you something. One of my favorite verses in the whole Bible was 2 Samuel, 24, 24, where the Bible says I will not offer sacrifice. It costs me nothing. That night was emotionally and physically expensive, but physically it was an experience that I wish every one of you could have. The God of the universe is telling you to get up, walk into the light.

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This man who didn't know Jesus, we all seemingly know him. Obey him, sight and see. He is your good shepherd, he is your man. He walked through that sheep gate for you and for me so that we could heal. So, as I went to pick up my cross and follow Jesus and let him do with it what he may, if Jesus healed me, could he still be my God? And, moreover, would Jesus say to me in the temple in a chorus of praise I have made you well, go do something with it. Is he calling you to get well? Moreover, is he calling you to get well? Moreover, is he calling you to do something with it?

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Because, you see, this question wasn't so crazy. After all, the man had every reason to stay in the depths of his sorrow and I had every reason to stay in the depths of mine. This is not why Jesus died for us. I have every reason to stay in the depths of mine. This is not why Jesus died for us.

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And I know, in a room like this, some of you may be saying I don't know this, jesus. And when I tell you, there are double digit numbers of people who would love to introduce you to the star of my story, to the star of the paralytic man's story and to the star of your story, that is not an understanding. You might be saying to me but Amy, you don't know when you're right, I don't. But I do know Jesus and I know that without him we could do nothing. And so is he calling you to be the star of your story. Do you see, jesus? He doesn't write bad stories. He doesn't write bad stories. So we need to let him be the author. We need to put the pen down. We need to choose the narrative that he writes with the highest amount of stewardship that he gives you. When you choose healing, jesus wants to make you whole.

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This story, this question by Jesus is a remarkable one.

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We don't know if this man was made spiritual whole, but we do know, as I've mentioned over and over, that he had a responsibility with this healing. And so, before we think this is a, crazy question I would like to ask yourselves around the table. What if God heals me from my physical illness? What if God helps me with my bitterness and my resentment? What if God helps me with my lack of faith and trust in him?

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What would?

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that look like for you, but at this time, where the mission is critical and time is short, do you even have time to lay by those rules anymore? Because one day we will all stand before an almighty God for what we've done on this earth. And so what does it look like for you to ask God to make you well of these things, or to just simply get up and walk? Conversely, what does it look like if you continue to lay there in your illness, your bitterness, in your resentment?

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If you're like me, I'm just tired and this life that I live gives me all kind of attention from people and all the things.

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What does it look like if you chose to get?

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well. I am so grateful that I chose this journey of wellness a long time ago. I'm not healed.

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I'm still in counseling every two weeks, but every day I stand beside the bedside of other Amy Watson's insight units all over the Tampa Bay area and I can look at them and say I just need you to have one little desire to get well. I wouldn't trade that for any amount of abuse, abandonment, neglect, disease, nothing. It doesn't make me a good person. It just means that Jesus has been the star of my story and can be the star of yours too, just like he was the star of this man.

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So these days while so much of my story drives what I do, this is the first time I've shared it in a couple years. My healing is a mandate for what I do, because if Jesus meets me wherever he meets me and says, what have you done with it, I want to be able to say that I have been a good student of that.

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And so, as I close, I say that to you guys too.

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I pray that you will choose to be a reason, that you will go to the poor birds, pray and tell them, when you heal me from this pain, when you heal me from this bitterness, this resentment, this lack of trust in you, fill in the blank. Or when you heal me of these things, you can still be my God, trusted you and filled in the blank. Or when you heal me of these things, you can still be my God. Other people cease being my God. At that point, I pray that you guys would ask the Lord to help you make a story of healing. Go shout it from the mountaintops to the people who do not know what true healing is like in walking with Jesus and that he stands ready to walk with us through the darkest days of our lives.

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He will not leave you. He will not leave you, and so if you sit around your table, tonight.

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I encourage you to think about what is paralyzing you. What would happen if you simply got up? What would you do? Okay, let's go. Hey guys, I hope that you enjoyed that episode. On the question that Jesus asked do you want to get well? And so I close this episode by asking you the same question Do you want to do the hard work? Do you want to get well? There are people, and I am one of them, that stand ready to help you. All you have to do is, right there in your podcast app, send me a text message I am the only one that gets that. I'll be happy to help you, either with resources that I can provide for you or help you myself. And so, if you are seeking wellness, you are not on the road alone. So please don't walk that road alone, because you know what I'm going to say. I end every episode. I don't get behind a microphone without saying you are seen, you are known, you are heard, you are loved and you are so, so valued.

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We'll see you back here in two weeks, over and over Jesus. So let my life glorify you and teach me to walk beside you. And I want to be more like you. So let my life be one more by you. And when my hope is fading and when worries do assail me, I will remember how you you never failed me. You have pulled me out from the depths. You have saved me out from the depths. You have saved me from certain death. You have shown yourself faithful to me, over and over Jesus. So let my life glorify you and teach me to walk beside you. I want to be more like you, so let my life be one marked by you, marked by you, marked by you.

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Amy Watson

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