Wednesdays With Watson: Faith & Trauma Amy Watson- PTSD Patient-Trauma Survivor

Trauma, Triggers & The Holidays w Dr. Amy Watson

• Amy Watson: Trauma Survivor, Hope Carrier, Precious Daughter Of The Most High God • Season 7 • Episode 25

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Boundaries are not walls. When you set a boundary with somebody who is not good for you or triggers your trauma, you're saying to them, I'm I'm putting a door here, and when there are good things that come with you, that unlocks that door. However, when there are harmful things, that closes that door. Amy Watson and I am your host. It is December of 2025. Today we are going to talk about trauma triggers and the holidays. I'm going to help you understand a little bit about what trauma is, what triggers are, and how to navigate through the holidays. But before we drop into this episode, you hear Brandon Lake's song playing in the background. And I'm going to not bury the lead when I record this podcast because I'm going to tell you, as a trauma survivor myself and as the trauma doc, there are ways and benefits from finding a way to be grateful, even when life doesn't seem like it's giving you the opportunity to be grateful. I say this to patients at the hospital all the time. I want you to imagine that you have 100 marbles in your hand, and 99 of them are things that you arguably cannot be thankful for. But boy, if you take the time and the emotional energy and the curiosity to look for one thing and a hundred to be grateful for, I imagine you would find more than one. But gratitude shifts our brain. It's called the 1% shift. It will shift you closer to wellness, happiness, because the art of gratitude changes your brain chemistry. And so as we drop into this episode about trauma, triggers, and the holidays, I want you to know that yes, these holidays are going to be hard for you and maybe have already been hard for you. But the silver bullet is finding that thing to be grateful for. So let's drop into this episode where I help you navigate trauma, triggers, and the holidays. Okay, guys, the first thing I want to do as your trauma doc is I want to make sure that everyone understands what we mean when we say trauma and what we mean when we say triggers. So trauma is anything, any event that pushes your body outside of its ability to deal, or we call this the window of tolerance. And I'm not going to spend time on this podcast getting specifics about these things because we're going to have a webinar in January. It was PTSD 101. If you're interested in that, just shoot me a text message right there in your app and with your contact information, and I will make sure that you get that information. But trauma is anything that pushes us outside of our ability to deal. Trigger is anything that takes us out of the present and into the past, okay? And specifically into a traumatic event past. And so when I use words like trauma and trigger in this podcast episode, I am talking about trauma being anything that came into your life and bursted your window of tolerance or your capacity. Maybe a more simple definition of trauma is this. Trauma is anything that compromised your safety and it took your choice. A trigger is anything that takes you out of this very moment and into the traumatic moment, which is why when you get triggered and you're able to bring yourself back to the current moment, if you're able at that point to go through the files and think of something that you're grateful for, you will get less triggered more quickly, if that makes sense. Now, let's talk about why the holidays are hard for trauma survivors. There's lights, there's noise, there's crowds, there's disrupted routines, there's weird food. It's basically the greatest hits album for trauma triggers. Because we know that there's things like smells and taste, and and even like right now, as I am recording this podcast episode, I am in the mountains of North Carolina and I'm looking out at the mountains, and I've got such good memories of this area of North Carolina, and it's bringing me back there. But what if I came up here and this was one of the places where one of my traumas happened, then it would trigger me, right? It would take me out of the current date and put me into that time when the trauma happened. And so one of the reasons why it's hard for us with trauma and the holidays is the sensory overload to include lights and noises and crowds and this disrupted routine. Like I said, basically the greatest hits album for trauma triggers. Now, there are also family dynamics, obviously. So at Thanksgiving this year, I was sitting around a table, grateful for the food, all the things, but when I looked around that table, nobody looked like me. Nobody had my DNA. I was sitting with people who love me. I was sitting with my chosen family, but nobody, nobody there was akin to me. I did not share DNA with any of them. And this is that gratitude shift that I'm talking about because that could have stood to take me down, but yet I was able to look around that table and go, these people chose to love me. I will be grateful. But these family dynamics, many people, you know, be civil estrangement is a big thing right now, probably something we will eventually talk about on this podcast. But family dynamics will absolutely trigger your trauma. It will take you out of the current time and put you into the traumatic time. Another reason why this time of year is hard for us is expectations. Joy to the world, right? Everything's bright, everything's happy, right? People are telling you, be happy, don't bring up the past. And I'm gonna tell you to be grateful. That's not an expectation that I have of you. That's a prescription that I'm giving you. But these expectations that this should be the happiest time of the year is stressful to those of us who have trauma. If somebody tells you to be grateful, you should be grateful for that. Well, maybe they can shroud that a little bit differently. But the fact of the matter is, is when we try to find something to be grateful for, even in these difficult seasons, our brain shifts. We call it the one percent shift. Another reason is loneliness, as for many of you, holidays don't mean family. They might mean isolation or choosing to step away from unsafe people, that civil estrangement that I talked about. Whoo, guys, that is brave to do, to set the boundaries, right? To keep that which is not good for you out. Um, it's brave to do that, but it's painful. Spoken from someone who has done it. So if you're listening and thinking, why does everybody else seem fine? Remember, they only seem fine, number one, and remember comparison is a thief of joy. But survivor, if you are lonely because you've chosen not to be around toxic people, you are doing brave, extraordinary, hard work of healing. And so if you're lonely and you're looking out and you're watching the Hallmark channel and Facebook and Instagram with everybody's beautiful families on it, and you're just sitting in a dark room somewhere saying, I don't have that, look at my friend that I went to high school with who has four kids, a beautiful husband, a beautiful wife. Remember, guys, it's not real life all the time when you see a still picture, but the loneliness is highlighted by the fact that it seems like no one else is lonely. And so that makes sense then while your nervous system right now in this holiday season is screaming at you. When you understand your body, um, as I'm going to attempt to do here in a minute, you understand your trauma brain during the holidays and you can adjust for it, right? You can plan for what you know. And so, as you know, here on the Wednesdays with Watson podcast, as a trauma doc, I want to pull in a little bit of education for you. So when your trauma, when that event that happened that took your safety or your choice or both, the brain shifts into this when it's triggered, so when something happens that triggers you, your brain shifts into survival mode. And it then you either fight, you flight, you freeze, or you fawn. Whichever response your body learned first. For me, I fight and then I flight. What are some triggers that are common triggers for psychological trauma during the holidays? They come hard and they come fast. Things like smells, like I just talked about, songs, music, the pressure of the holidays, memories, especially now that we've got social media who will show us our memory from 20 years ago. During the holidays, those boundaries of those people that aren't good for you are being tested, and you feel guilty, you like, oh well, maybe I'll go to that dinner, maybe I'll invite them to this one thing. These are hard things. And when these triggers, these smells, um, music, the pressure to invite people that you haven't spoken to all year, the memories, those boundaries being tested, your brain then sees that as a new trauma and it says, We've been here before, so let's go ahead and protect. So your body reacts sometimes before your mind even understands why. This might be why many of you are just extra extraordinarily tired. Maybe you can't rid of a can't get rid of a cold. Your body is saying, This whole holiday season is one giant trigger taking you back to a time that's not now. We gotta fight, we gotta freeze, we gotta fawn, we can't thrive. Hear me when I say this. These are not character flaws, these are your body's survival skills. It is how you have been taught to navigate and live through trauma. So let's learn then how to navigate these trauma triggers when they come up to you during the holidays. This is the good stuff, the tools. Number one, you want the bare minimum plan. Like when you set up your expectations for the holidays, make that goal low. And I'm not saying that as a depression. You don't need the perfect holiday, you need a manageable one. You do not need a perfect holiday, you need a manageable one. Ask yourself these three questions. What do I need? Okay, so maybe you need some family time, maybe you don't. What can I skip? Right? So you pick holiday outings that are maybe a little bit more freedom, maybe somebody's having one outside, maybe there are some protective factors by other people there, but if not, what can I skip? Can I skip that outing that's going to put a highlight on all the things that's but that that is uh triggering me right now? What can you ask for? What can you ask people for? Remember, you can decline invitations, you can arrive late and leave early, you can take a friend with you who protects you and kind of throws blocks for you from people try to throw those spears. And you can choose peace over performance, you can choose peace over presence. You don't have to go to everything that you're invited to. Then I want you to create a safety anchor. Pick one thing that grounds you. So when you're triggered, remember you're being taken out of the current time, the real life time, and taken back to the time of the trigger. Pick one thing that will bring you back to now. Maybe it's a sentence. That for me is I deserved better. Maybe it's a song. We're going to be dropping a podcast episode in two weeks on some of my favorite songs. Maybe it's a scripture. Maybe it's a physical object. I have a couple rocks that I've written truth on, and I if I'm struggling, you'll see it in my hand and my thumb just rubbing up against it, keeping me in the present moment. So a physical object. Or a breathing pattern. I've been asked to do this, and I will do this. We'll do a whole episode on breathing, but let me teach you how to do that now. Because you are trying to create a safety anchor that brings you back to the present when you get triggered during the holidays. And so what you're gonna do with me right now is you're going to get comfortable. You're going to notice your feet on the ground in the current room that you're in. You're gonna look up to the ceiling, down to the ground. Pay attention to how the chair feels on your bottom. If you're driving, please don't close your eyes. But now what I want you to do is I want you to take one deep cleansing breath in through your nose, and I'm gonna I'm gonna do it with you on a count, and then you're gonna count to seven and blow out through your mouth. So in through your nose like you're smelling the flowers, and out through your mouth like you are blowing out birthday candles. Okay, ready? Take one deep breath in through your nose. Hold it for seven seconds, and out through your mouth. Now you can pair that with scripture. You can take a deep breath in. I that I will keep him in perfect peace. Hold it for seven seconds, flow out through your mouth for thee, whose mind stayed on thee. And so these are things when you get triggered during the holidays, or when you get triggered anytime, these are things that can help you, the breathing exercises. You can come up with a sentence of something that says, like, I am safe, I am grown, I have my car, I get to choose. Use these things whenever your body starts to sound the alarms. And please, those of us with trauma are really, really good at ignoring those alarms. Please stop doing that. Listen to your body. During this holiday, you are going to need to put in place or keep in place boundaries with compassion. This is another place where I really want to make sure that I highlight, you know, we are using boundaries as another buzzword in our pop culture, and we throw up a boundary for somebody that has seemingly just made a mistake and had a bad day, right? Boundaries are not walls. And this is really important to remember. Boundaries are not walls. That means when you set a boundary with somebody who is not good for you or triggers your trauma, you're saying to them, I'm I'm putting a door here, and when there are good things that come with you, that unlocks that door. However, when there are harmful things, that closes that door. There are things that you can say as you talk to people. Um say you're at a party and they ask you a question that triggers you. And remember, trigger takes you out of the current moment and into the traumatized moment. It's okay to say, I'm not talking about that today, but thank you for asking. It's also okay when you go to a party and uncomfortable conversations like this comes up to say, I can't stay that long. It's also okay to when you go to parties to show up late and leave early. You can say something like, I love you and I'm not comfortable with talking about this. The bottom line, guys, is you do not have to explain or justify your choice to keep your body safe. Because as you know, if you've listened to this podcast at all, the body holds on to the trauma and it and it one day, as Lauren Starne says, it's my turn. And so put up the boundaries, do it with compassion, do it prayerfully, and remember they're not walls, they are doors. They open to healthy things and close to harmful things. You do not have to justify your safety. That is the most important takeaway there. Now, we know that trauma triggers nervous system dysregulation. And so there are some things that we want to do to give your nervous system a job. I just walked through a breathing exercise with y'all just a few minutes. That will work, that calms down the nervous system. When we do that PTSD 101 webinar, we'll talk about nervous system regulation, why trauma dysregulates it, the ills of that, and how to get it calm. But for the holiday season, your nervous system, your emotional brain wants something to do. So give it a job during times of triggers uh during the holidays. For example, change the subject, go outside, come inside, put your feet on the ground, like I like we just did with that breathing exercise. The reason why we do that is because your feet feel, oh, okay, like right now, my feet are on the ground in North Carolina, not in Florida, right? And so putting your feet on the ground says, Oh, I'm here in 2025, not in 1971, 85, 89, 2000. I'm here, okay. Going outside is a good way to do that. As I mentioned, what's really cool outside, especially since we all have cameras on our phones now, is taking a walk outside and purposefully looking for something to take a picture of. Because when you do that, you shift your mind out of the past into the present, and this grounds you. Take slow breaths, like I just talked to you about. Breathe in through your nose, hold it for seven seconds, and out through your mouth. You can wrench your hands under cold water, tricking your brain into calm. Another thing, and that y'all are gonna laugh at me when I tell you this, but it's true, is sour candy. If you eat sour candy, that also shifts your brain into saying we're safe here. All of these things tells your amygdala, which remember your amygdala, and we'll talk again more about this on the PTSD 101 webinar, but your amygdala is your fear center. It is constantly scanning the environment for dangers. And when you've had a history of trauma, you've had a history of danger, then even a shadow will look like a danger. And so the idea behind these grounding exercises is to get your prefrontal cortex online. We'll talk about this in this in this webinar, and not be ruled by your amygdala. You can even tell yourself as you're going outside or grounding yourself, identify identifying five things that you see, taking a picture, breathing, rinsing in the cold water, sour candy. These things tell your amygd your amygdala that we're in the present and that we're not in danger. Okay? Now, some things you can't not do during the holidays, and so you have to plan for aftercare. And what I would say to you as a trauma doc is that sleep is by far the most important treatment for trauma. And so the idea is to get you, get your body in a place where it feels like you can sleep. But let's say you go to a party or you talk to your mom or dad for the holiday, and it was triggering for you. It took you back to a place that's not 2025. You need to plan for taking care of yourself after those high stress events. One of the ways you can do that is just simple quiet. Getting alone and being quiet, maybe playing some music that is not jarring. And we are going into the new year going to have some episodes where you can come back and listen to music that is known to calm the nervous system. All of that is in the future here for the Wednesdays with Watson podcast as the trauma doc. A warm shower will help you. Journal, a weighted blanket, a trusted person that you can call, a 2 a.m. friend. You can say, Hey, do you have eight seconds? Do you have eight minutes? Do you have twelve minutes? A favorite show, particularly a funny show if you can. And then just plan for a slow morning the next day. Because you see, aftercare is not optional, it's protective. You are going to be triggered during the holidays. You have got to have a plan to take care of yourself afterwards. Another one here is moving your body. Because your body is going to hold on to all the ick. The only way to get it out is move. And I don't care if you are walking, running, rowing, swimming, jumping jacks, whatever you're doing, you just need to be moving your body multiple times a day. This is especially true after a triggering event. Because this aftercare is not optional, it's protective. Alright, so the hope part, because you know that Dr. Watson's always gonna bring the hope. Because you know that there is hope. Because here's the truth, friend. Your trauma might shape your holidays, but it does not get to define your story. You get to struggle through these holidays, but this is not who you are or who you're going to be. You are not the person who lived through that trauma, my friend. You, rock star, are the person who survived it. And every decision you make during this holiday season, every boundary that you set, every moment of grounding that you m that you do to keep you in 2025, every movement of your body, every jumping jack, every walk, every lifted weight, every lunge, everything that you do, every day that you drink enough water, every day that you eat enough food, every day that you get enough sleep. That is a courageous no to the trauma that is trying to take you out. It is a courageous no, and it is evidence that healing is possible. Here's what I want you to remember. Your worth is not measured by how many parties you go to, or but how many gifts you give or how many conversations you have. You do not need to walk into a room and match that room's energy. You are allowed to do what is best for your mind, your body, and your heart. And there are ways to do it without feeling like you're the most selfish person in the in the world. The bottom line is, is you have to treat your PTSD, your CPTSD, like you would any other medical issue. You have to do things about it. And unfortunately, people in your life need to live with that. And so you are allowed to pick the thing that is good for your b your mind, your body, and your heart. These small choices of safety that I'm talking to you about during the holidays add up to giant steps of healing. The most important thing I want you to know is you are not alone. Not now, not ever. This community, this podcast, and your healing companions that you probably don't even know who are, there they are with you here with it. You belong here, and this space, this Wednesdays with Watson space, is for you. If the holidays are loud, if they're overwhelming, if they're filled with grief, pause with me here. You are doing the best you can with what you've lived through. You are brave. You are resilient. And you deserve to feel safe. I pray my hope for you. May you find pockets of peace in unexpected places. May you honor your limits without shame. May you remember that trauma may be part of your story. But your healing is the final word. I'm so grateful for all of you. And if this episode was helpful to you, I'm asking you to please share it with someone who might need a little hope this holiday season. As always, you can find trauma resources in past episodes at the Wednesdays with Watson podcast, Wednesdays with Watson.com. I am here, Dr. Watson the Trauma Doc. This has been Wednesdays with Watson. And until I see you next time, remember as you navigate this holiday season that you are worthy of a calm nervous system, you are worthy of finding opportunities to be grateful, you are worthy of healing. Because you are seen, you are known, you are heard, you are loved, and you are so so valued. If you would be interested in being part of the webinar, PTSD 101, please get in touch with us either through the text messaging feature right here in the app, or shoot an email to Amy Watson Author at gmail.com. One final thing, remember, gratitude shifts the perspective.

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Love me.

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Love me much.

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Amy Watson

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