What If Your Darkest Season Becomes Your Calling

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Welcome And Pain Into Purpose

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Everybody, and welcome back to the Wednesdays with Watson podcast. My name is Dr. Amy Watson, and I am your host. Today I am so excited to share an interview that I did with a young man who I worked with on the inpatient psychiatric unit. His name is Joseph Niebert, and Joseph has turned his pain, some of that pain caused by his own addiction to drugs and alcohol, into purpose. And so we talk about a little bit of that, about how he does that and how he does the important work of working on the lines with people and potentially having the worst day of their lives. And so this is a limited series that I will do and kind of intersperse in these episodes and other episodes. But turning pain into purpose, here is my conversation with Joseph Niebert. Alright, so I have here with me Joseph. And Joseph, how'd you say your last name? Is it Nybert? Neighbert?

SPEAKER_01 1:16

Nebert.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

Nevertheless I knew I was going to get it wrong. And I know Joseph because Joseph and I worked together at the hospital where Joseph still works. And I had asked him to come onto the podcast as I was thinking about doing a series that highlighted people that were out there doing the thing, doing the hard stuff, turning their pain into their purpose. Right. And so Joseph is a mental health technician at um the same hospital where I worked. And uh I used to call them the heroes in green because and you'll hear me say that so many times during this conversation, because they have the hardest job, literally on the front lines. And so, Joseph, let me formally welcome you to the Wednesdays with Watson podcast. I know we've been trying to do this for a hot minute, so we finally got it together. Welcome. I'm so happy to have you.

SPEAKER_01 2:09

Thank you. Glad to be here.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

So let's start with just who is Joseph. So, Joseph, you are a married father of two girls, right?

SPEAKER_01 2:18

Yes, ma'am. Gotcha.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

How old are your girls?

SPEAKER_01 2:21

One's 10 and one's 14.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

Oh, girl dad, girl dad, girl dad. My goodness. And how long have you been married?

SPEAKER_01 2:29

It's been about 25 years.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

Whoa. I didn't even think you were 25 years old.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

Sorry. 20 years.

SPEAKER_00 2:39

Still though. Wow, congratulations on that. Well, Joseph, we're just gonna kind of jump right in this. One of the things that I recognized really quickly about you when I worked with you, we worked together in the trenches. I always knew that there was something different about you, something deeper about you. And of course, as I've gotten to know you, I know that a little bit more is because you are a Christian. But I also knew that there was some pain there. And then as I got to know you, and we'll talk about this a little bit in this conversation, you had a significant loss, and then another. And so I want to be sensitive to that today, but I do appreciate you coming on because I think that those of us who have been through some things, if we can figure out how to make that work in a world and help hurting people, then that is by definition the gospel.

Childhood, Family, And Scarcity

SPEAKER_00 3:33

And so tell me a little bit, let's start with uh your kind of your family of origin. I know you have some brothers. Tell me a little bit about, I think you grew up up in Delaware. And so tell us a little bit about early, early years for you guys.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

So I grew up in Delaware. Um, I'm the oldest of seven siblings. I got five little brothers, one um, my little sister. Um grew up with mom and dad. Mom and dad, they broke up early, young when I was real young. So most of us live with my mom. And um, you know, that was kind of hard. It was rough. It was hard to make things ends meet at times, and you know, tempers flaring at times, being in a two-bedroom, one-bath mobile home with all them people.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

Learning how to coexist and not chew each other's head off was was definitely a challenge at times, but we loved it. We I mean, through it all, it just ended up building us into the people that we are today and gives us more patience, I've seen.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

Yeah. Yeah, that's tough growing up in that environment where the resources aren't there and both parents aren't in the home, and uh all of those kinds of things. So you're the oldest, how many years are between you and the youngest?

SPEAKER_01 4:57

Four.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

Just four.

SPEAKER_01 5:00

So so my sister, she's my stepsister, so called my sister. So that's not my mom's child. But between the brothers, it was four years. Um the sisters, I want to say it might be six years between us.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

Okay. So a lot, so bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, and you were the oldest, kind of probably sitting in that caretaker spot a little bit. We'll get there in a second. Um was your dad present in the home? Uh I mean, as they after they separated, but was he was he present in your lives?

SPEAKER_01 5:29

He was there. He he tried to be there more than he was at times. I say that because, you know, it was the weekend ordeal. But um my mother, she always had a sour bite about that because and with that, if I even talked about my father in a decent way, it was, you know, yeah, we don't talk about that. So it was just tough, man. It was really tough to see in the reality of what she would throw at me sometimes compared to what the reality of the situation was. And I knew that as I grew older.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

Yeah. Is he still is your dad is your dad still alive?

SPEAKER_01 6:15

Yeah, Pops is still kicking, he's still doing his thing, take care of my grandmother right now.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

Okay, good, good.

Grief And Family Addiction

SPEAKER_00 6:21

And I know that you lost your mom, was it last year?

SPEAKER_01 6:24

Yes, in October.

SPEAKER_00 6:25

In October. And was that expected, or had she been sick for a while?

SPEAKER_01 6:29

Or it wasn't expected. Um, I went down there on vacation and I want to say June, June or July.

SPEAKER_05 6:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:38

And was struggling, and you know, very prideful individuals, you know. Once once someone stops walking so much, there's something going on, you know. She never went to the hospital ever in her life. But um, so I went down there and taking care of mom and kind of taking her through the process of the doctors, finding doctors and dealing with insurances, or that money. But yeah, end up finding that she had stage three or four cancer. Last limb. And she worked all the way through it. She was a housekeeper her whole life. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

Worked hard. And then that was tough, but that came on the heels of another significant loss, right?

SPEAKER_01 7:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:23

Tell me about that a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 7:25

Well, that was it was real rough. Um, my brother, he was battling addiction with you know drugs, along with a lot of you know other brothers. We've overcome drug addiction. So dealing with my brother Nick, it was rough. I remember getting him down here a couple times or one time and had him down here two weeks, detoxing him on my couch, you know, throwing out different remedies of what I could replace in a moment because knowing rehabs would help. And um, it was wild. Um, end up sending him back home because mama said, hey, look, he ain't gonna be on the streets of Florida, send him back to Delaware. So send him back to Delaware. And I don't know, just that was tough.

SPEAKER_00 8:16

Had addiction been part of of your story too?

SPEAKER_01 8:20

Most definitely. So I got kicked out of my house around 17. Um, my whole family was pretty much entrepreneurs. Grandfather owned a couple businesses, mom, she never made IRS, taxes. She always had a little business. So I'm thinking to myself, I want to help people, right? Well, I saw the need of, I thought marijuana was a great thing. So I said, okay, so I'm gonna just sell some marijuana and whatnot. And started with that. And I remember at the age of 17, my um family they knew what I was doing, and they said, look, gotta kick him out. So I ended up getting kicked out at Christmas at 17 years old. The guy I was buying off of was a Crip from Baltimore, so I moved in with him.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_01 9:04

Um, I was still working a full-time job. I was I've been working ever since I was 12 years old. My grandfather always owned companies. And um, it was expected that I would, you know, work, you know, or else, you know, who's gonna pay the oil to keep us working? You know what I'm saying? Who's gonna get the food to keep us, you know, going. So, you know, I learned that from my early age. So back to excuse my ADHD, I go back and forth sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

You're fine. You're fine.

SPEAKER_01 9:32

I'm going back so back to where I landed, I guess, with the drugs, end up getting involved with that one guy. Learned that I didn't need nobody, that I was sufficient on my own as an individual. Okay. So I end up getting involved with some bigger things, going to different states, and um making things happen. And through that, my brothers were really watching me. And they really, you know, they're big brother, they're like, man, he's really got it together. So unfortunately, I influenced them a lot with a lot of their probably decision makings on drugs and how they felt about them as well, because it was an escape for me personally, and I know it was an escape for them too. Um, and also it was a way to make money. And one thing about we grew up, we were taught to work hard, but um man, working hard just never brought the money sometimes. So I just went down the wrong path.

SPEAKER_00 10:29

Yeah, and it's so interesting because you mentioned to me, you know, hey, we used it to cope.

SPEAKER_05 10:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:39

Tell me a little bit about that. Like, what were the voices that you were trying to quiet and the pain that you were trying to squelch? Because people don't, and and and there would be somebody listening to this, Joseph, that is feeling shameful about an addiction, right? And you and I both have that as our ours as our story. For me, it was pain medication. And so back in the early 2000s, you could literally get on the internet and and I'm air-quoting so audio people, you can't see this, but but but you could literally get on the internet and order pain pills to be delivered to your house. And I we had three different houses, and so I was getting them delivered to three different places, plus my married name plus my and and I went down this road just before I'm so so fortunate to be alive. And for a long time that was really, really a shame-based environment or feeling for me because I was like, I know better. What am I doing? And every day would be like, I'm not doing this again. And you and I both know medically opiates you have to be medically withdrawn from, right? But but every morning I would wake up and say, I am not doing this anymore, and that night I would do that again. And so I want somebody else to hear the voice of somebody else who used drugs to cope. And maybe your story. This this this whole podcast episode is about turning our pain into purpose, and we're gonna talk about your purpose on the unit, but but you're gonna have people listening to you all over the world from this. And I wonder if you can just tell people what you were trying to squelch with the drugs.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

Oh man, the confusion. Confusion behind everything with childhood. I really wasn't trying to figure it out because there were so many different elders of mine that influenced me. I was you know, mainly raised by my grandfather growing up. That's a different generation there. Yeah. There was different voices coming into me, you know, basically just I don't know, you know, I work harder or this, that, and a third, or you know, it the love was conditional. So the love was conditional to a certain degree. I don't know. I guess it kind of just drove me to be conditional about how I went about what I did.

unknown 12:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:56

At that point, you know how they say hurt people, hurt people. You know, it started off as, you know, wanting to help people, but you know, it didn't end up like that. You know, I ended up hurting hurting a lot of different people. And um, you know.

unknown 13:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:14

So basically pain, right? So if you are listening to this and you know somebody who struggles with addiction, we need to ask more questions because nobody wants that life. That is a life that is filled with guilt and shame. And I don't know about you, Joseph, but I hurt some people as a result of my addiction. And so so tell us then. So you're kind of moving along, you move in with a gang member in Baltimore, and where how did that road abruptly end and tell us a little bit about the the turn towards where you are now?

SPEAKER_01 13:54

Okay. So I was with him for a while, and like I said, I kind of want to do my own thing, and um, I can emphasize with you with pain pills. Because after that, you know, now I had to go get a house. So I found out a couple of people that I knew were had Percassette 30s and different things, and I didn't realize how much it was worth. So I ended up getting involved with that. Then I went from that to shooting heroin to I've tried crack record and cocaine. I've done it all was an opportunity. It just was wild.

SPEAKER_00 14:28

Um just what happened where you were like, ah, I can't do this anymore. This is not a sustainable life because you clearly changed. And so what happened?

SPEAKER_01 14:40

So

Arrest, Prison, And Finding Faith

SPEAKER_01 14:41

it definitely like I was just describing how dark it went for me. I end up um getting caught up and getting getting arrested and um getting caught selling weed. So I had to do a boot camp program, and I'll never forget that. And it was an eight-month program in prison, and um they ended up putting me as platoon guide on, but it was wild though, because in there I was never I'm never the best reader, and the Bible they gave me was the King James version. God, and I just smiled and laughed a little bit because you know, life's been hard as it is, you know. We're gonna do King James brother.

SPEAKER_05 15:17

That's so funny.

SPEAKER_01 15:20

All right, let's see how this rolls, you know. But I did remember one thing, and one thing about God is man, if you stand on his word, he doesn't fail.

SPEAKER_05 15:32

Amen.

SPEAKER_01 15:33

Just remembered one word. I remembered that when one of the scriptures it said that God makes these words breathe light. I was like, breathe light, huh? I said, Father, I challenge you, I challenge your word. So let these words read life, Father, because I'm hungry. You know what I mean? I'm hungry. Next thing I knew, Amy, I don't know how it happened. I just opened that Bible and the words jumped off the pages into my heart, basically. I couldn't even read it fast. I wasn't a fast reader, couldn't understand big words. I had trouble at work, acronyms and stuff. But boy, the power of God's amazing because he's just right there waiting for you just to reach out. And when I reached out, he he most definitely reached out for me. He sent me a lieutenant late at night. I would stay up with him doing Bible studies. And I remember getting criticized by all the inmates. Oh, you you found God in here. You ain't gonna take him out there, though. You won't need him, you won't need him. And I'm like, okay, all right, all right. So within that, I ended up getting out of jail. Um I wasn't on the straightened path of getting out of jail. I was a little angry while I was in there because the guy that turned me in, he made a deal with the with the cops as far as for child pornography to turn me in, get him off, and that didn't sit well with me. So I never trust cops, and it's just one of those things for me, that type of deal really just left, I would say. So I was I still was doing my doing my thing, going back to where I was familiar to when I got out. Till one day. I'll never forget it was I was on meth that night. So for about I thought it was only two and a half hours, end up being two and a half days. Um I remember being in the room and looking at my wife, looking at my my um child as well, and I'm thinking to myself, what are you doing, man? Like, what are you doing? Like, how did we get here, first off? And I just felt just a whole bunch of just stuff around me, and it just felt demonic. So I just started casting it out and binding it in the name of Jesus. And um through that, in that moment, I went on a preaching sermon for about two hours because the Holy Spirit engulfed me with fire. I just can't explain. It was more intoxicating than every any drug I've ever done in my life. And I just knew there was something more to life than what I was doing. I was and I always went back to myself thinking, I'm like, where'd you start? It's like you wanted to help people, you know what I mean? So again, that didn't really change me, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_00 18:27

Little changes, keep talking. I'm I'm loving it.

SPEAKER_01 18:30

So I'm just like, man, all right. So now at this point in my life, I'm not living the Lavis lifestyle of six figures a year and not having to have a job and blase, blase. Now I'm on the other end of it, you know, um, using, barely getting by, stealing at times. And

Moving To Florida And Rebuilding Life

SPEAKER_01 18:51

then my wife told me one day, she was like, Look, she's like, We're moving to Florida. She said, either you can come with us because I'm saving this baby, or you can you can stay here. I looked at her, I said, Dadgone. I said, Let me have $80 for more one more bundle. Craziness, craziness.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_01 19:13

Same. So I get my last little hoo-ride, and I was just miserable coming down here. Uh boo-hoo me, you know, poor Joe. Good gosh. I'd give Joe run for his money, you hear me? So I get down here and um thank God for my uh mother-in-law and father-in-law, put us in an apartment, paid the first month's um rent and security deposit, and said, It's up to y'all, you know what I mean? Do what you do. So I did what came natural. I went back to what my grandfather taught me and just worked hard and just started doing construction work, all that stuff. And I was about four or five years in it, my body was breaking down. I remember I got buried alive, one job up to my neck.

SPEAKER_03 20:02

Whoa.

SPEAKER_01 20:03

And I got dug up out of that, and I just remember shaking just profusively, and it tore my ACL MCLs. I had no choice but go back to work the next day. And I put a splint on that leg, and I'm stomping in dirt because I was a pipe layer, you know, having a pipe. So I'm doing all that stuff, I'm just thinking to myself, man, you gotta make a change. Well, thank God for the pandemic in a way, because um, that's what made me make my change.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

Really?

SPEAKER_01 20:35

As soon as the pandemic hit, and I saw that cruise line that was doing circles out there in the ocean, stuff like that, and they couldn't dock. I was like, you know what? Something ain't right here. I came back home, long story short, um, ended up getting my associate's degree and about a year and a half online. Um yeah. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 21:00

And what'd you get your associate's degree in?

SPEAKER_01 21:03

Uh human services. Yeah, can't do much with, but you know what? I learned so much about myself and other people. And when I say you can't do much with it, I'm talking financially.

SPEAKER_00 21:14

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_01 21:15

Boy, you can do a lot with it through the with a kingdom. I'm telling you, man, I it allowed me to open up and be able to talk to people a lot better.

SPEAKER_00 21:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:26

Realize go ahead. Just my pain and the my mountains that I climb that I see other people's climb, I can help them out. I can encourage them, show them maybe little shortcuts to the path or whatever it might be. Sometimes it's not shortcuts, you know, sometimes it's hard work.

SPEAKER_00 21:43

It's so true. It's so true. And and that is a nice little segue into what you're doing now.

Serving On The Acute Psych Unit

SPEAKER_00 21:48

And so, as I mentioned at the top of the podcast, you and I know each other because the job that I just left, I was a discharge planner on um the unit for psychiatric medicine, and that is an interesting unit because. Because it is the only one in the state of Florida where the patients need to be for medical reasons and for psychiatric reasons. And that's where you and I know each other. And I had the pleasure of working with you and watching you. And I have seen you everything from literally wiping tears off of somebody's cheeks to on the floor holding them down for an hour one time, right? And so I've seen you on everything there. Tell us quickly though, before we talk about a little bit about how some of this stuff, like this drug addiction, um, you know, growing up, basically, you and I are very you said two things that you and I have very much in common. I've been working since I was like seven or eight years old, and the pandemic changed everything for me. And so for those of us that grew up in these homes where we really weren't sure where the next meal was going to come from and sometimes missed meals, right? It does something to a human being. And I I do think that it turns some people, and you're one of these people into a more empathetic person, like you exist to help people. So how did you land then as a mental health tech, which, as I mentioned, my hero of the unit? You guys change diapers and you change lives, everything in between, because you are the one with the most interaction with the patients. And you have turned that pain of addiction and poverty and all of that into amazing purpose on that unit. Still not making six figures at all, not even close. How did that happen though? How did you land as a mental health tech? Um, the human services degree kind of helps with that, certainly. Tell me the story really quickly about that, and then I definitely want to talk about how these things in your life have informed your everyday.

SPEAKER_01 23:38

So, how I land the mental health tech job was first off, the way I grew up, obviously I don't really trust people too well, but guess what I do trust? I trust behaviors. So when I got my degree, I went strict straight to autism, helping kids with autism. And it was so rewarding because I found out that the way about me as a drug dealer being able to manipulate uh manipulate people in situations to get what I wanted, I could utilize that same manipulation tactic to implement desired behaviors in different things.

SPEAKER_00 24:21

No, it's a good correlation, really.

SPEAKER_01 24:23

But it just for me, it was second nature, and everybody always looked at me like, how are you doing this? And I'm looking at them like, how are you just standing by letting this happen?

SPEAKER_00 24:33

Right, yeah. It's it's a hard job, Joe. I've watched you, dude. You're not giving yourself enough credit. Okay, sorry, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 24:41

But so that was with I that was with uh the kids for a little bit doing RBT work, and then I got into um I was trying to get into addiction. I went to this one hospital, they did have an addiction side. I signed up, I'm like, yes, because in my addiction, I did go to um uh rehab at one point. Like, oh man, it's gonna be full circle, man. This is this is where it's at, this is where it's at. I love AA meetings too, so you know. So um I get involved with that, and then I come to find out one of the things about working at psych hospitals, once you're the big guy, you kind of get thrown on the acute unit. You're in the most therapeutical environment.

SPEAKER_00 25:28

Yeah, that is true.

SPEAKER_01 25:29

I'm not the first pick. I was like, well, I might use the first pick anyway. So that's all right though. So in the midst of that though, I would I would um I was discouraged at first, but then I know towards I saw the creative freedom that I had as a tech. So I would start printing out different scriptures and stuff, you know what I mean, setting the antecedent for the day of whoever I was serving, because these people were people to me. And to be honest with you, where I come from, we just put them on the front porch. They just good old people to me.

SPEAKER_00 26:01

Right.

SPEAKER_01 26:02

Schizophrenic, you could be bipolar, you could I know how to address all that because I've been around or wherever I was. And just so for me, it came second nature and just came down to just I don't know, being able to empathize with the individual, meet them where they're at. Kind of like how he kind of meets us where we're at, we need to be met. That's what they need. That's what they need. A person's such. I ain't say I'm the Lord. Let's get that straight, people. All right.

SPEAKER_00 26:35

He didn't say he was the Lord. It's so true. It's so true, right? It's it it is it is the definition of the gospel. I worked in that environment, in the acute environment. Same thing. For some reason, they I always landed in the acute, and I'm not a a big guy like you are. I mean, Joseph, we we always called him for the codes because yeah, you got the size, and that that is valuable in that environment. But there's something about having needed somebody to come meet you where you are, like both you and I have, right? We both can think of times and places and people, and it even that lieutenant in prison that would do Bible studies with you. Those are the people investing in the lives of the Joes and the Amis of the world. It's like you are better than this. You're better at being you're better than being in prison for for weed. You're as you mentioned when you were on meth and you're like, what am I doing? And you kind of made that turn where this is this is not going well for me. You're probably gonna lose your family and all of that. So somebody met you where you are, and so it's so appropriate that you would want to meet people where they are. And so and so to kind of put it into perspective for people that are listening, because you and I can talk this code because we see these patients, but these are the worst, by far, the worst days of these people's lives.

SPEAKER_01 27:56

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:56

When when when they land on an acute psychiatric unit, meaning that only about 10 or 15 percent of them are there on their own will. Most of them are there involuntarily, which was the research for my dissertation. I studied those patients, I studied what involuntary hospitalization does to them. Mostly, though, we're dealing with major depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, and substance use disorder. These people have often le lost their entire family, Joe. It was one of the worst parts of my job when I did the intake. It was like, who can we call for you? Nobody. No, I I I've pushed away everybody, I've I've pissed everybody off, everybody has walked from me. Sometimes that green hero is is all that they have. And I know that you get discouraged, but please don't stop meeting people where they are. You see them at their lowest. Can you can you describe for us how your own pain, like when you think back to the addicted days and to the days where you're going to work with torn knees and but really there's those prison days, the days that you're living with a gang member, all of that pain, how does that help you connect to these people that are having some of the worst days of their lives?

SPEAKER_01 29:17

I just remember the hopelessness. And then when I look at their soul meeting the eyes, when just to the eyes, the soul, I can just see the hopelessness. And um I just I remember that so, so much. And for me, my mother, she was always someone to always see hopelessness in something and always be the silver lying person. So I would I found out a lot of different ways of going about inspiring individuals just for the day, maybe just for the minute. Just to keep going. You know what I mean? We don't have to we don't have to commit to long term, but what can we do in the you know what I mean? How can we address how we how can we take our power back? You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 30:06

Yeah, because by definition, that's been taken from them. That's a great place for me to introduce in here and and say, look, trauma by definition, everybody knows I'm the trauma doc. Trauma by definition is your power, your choice has been taken from you.

unknown 30:19

Right.

SPEAKER_00 30:20

And so for for you to give it back, and and there, and there's some ways that I've seen you give it back. Sometimes it's a thing of ice cream. Sometimes it's, you know, we we had patients that always want a coffee, you know, and they thought they were getting caffeinated coffee. It's like Joe and I are in there going, okay, no, we're getting the green one, the decaf, you know. And sometimes it looks like a hug. Sometimes it looks like a hand on the shoulder. Can you think of some way, some of your favorite ways to demonstrate compassion to those patients?

SPEAKER_01 30:51

It's weird. I just really talk therapy. You know, that's what we learn in college. Because everybody, it's all it's subjective to a certain degree because everybody's going through something different. And with that, when I'm talking to them, I can almost imagine a certain conversation I had with such and such in life, and I can correlate it to a certain degree and kind of understand, sympathize if I can't empathize with it at times.

SPEAKER_00 31:21

Yeah. D does a does a story and experience with a patient like I've I've got them in in my mind. It's like that's why I went to work that day. Can you can you think of a story where you're like nobody else on the planet existed? I I'll tell you, I'll tell you a quick little story while you're thinking about that. Today I went on a bike ride before we got on this podcast, and I've been it's spring here, and so we can still go outside, as you know, because you're in Florida. But I'm just riding along and I'm looking across the vista and I'm like, man, it would be nice to see a deer today. And I didn't even really fully pray it, because a couple weeks ago I had prayed that the Lord would give me a cardinal, and he gave me a cardinal. I was able to video the cardinal for like 30 seconds. This time I didn't even like deeply pray it. I just said, Lord, it would be nice to see a deer today. Would you help me do that? I'm riding along on my little e-bike, and all of a sudden I look and there are these two huge deer on the side of the road. And didn't didn't even care I was there, let me video them. And I'm just thinking, I remember times like that on the unit, and I wonder if you do where you're like. When I when I saw those deer, I just laughed. I was just like, and people can argue, they'll be like, You're in nature, you see deer all the time. No, I don't, not in Florida, not in May. And so it was so kind of the Lord, but I had lots of times like that on that unit. Can you think of one where you're just like you're looking up and you're just shaking your head, going, only the Lord could have put me here for such a time as this.

SPEAKER_01 32:52

So many different times. So many different times. It's really hard to come up with just one.

SPEAKER_03 32:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:00

I specifically I see the Lord using me a lot in different ways. But the ones that really stick out to me a lot are the violent patients. And I know the Lord's really blessed me with size, strength. I just remember I prayed to have the strength of Samson, and I don't know why, but it was just one of those things. So I've always been a strong man, and also, you know, going back to my prison, I'm dazed, I can relate to a lot of cold-hearted individuals at times, you know. So I just remember a lot of people, a lot of the hard ones that everybody would give up on, just breaking them down to a certain degree and just finding out it's just something so small. But they're like, all right, you know, cussing out whatever it is. But see me, I'm not, I'm disassociated from that. I'm just trying to pick your brain. I want to know exactly what the core issue is and how we can get through to it. But um, going back to what I was mainly getting at was the one takedown that I had with the one individual, young man. You were there for it.

SPEAKER_00 34:04

I was just getting ready to ask you about this one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:07

It was um, you know, it was one of those things where he wasn't hurting me at all. He was hurting himself. So I had to put him in a a certain hole and took him down nice and easy as I should have. And I just kept remembering how strong he was, and I just kept thanking God for the strength that he was giving me, but also praying over him, you know, I mean just steady, just just praying without ceasing as I'm giving out commands to others, you know, because I used to that's what I do when I do the takedowns. I mean, I coordinated. Yeah. For me, those those are the things that I am thankful that the Lord has given me the capacity to deal with in so many different ways, mainly because I don't know if anybody else can do it.

SPEAKER_00 35:00

Right. And I don't know that you're wrong with that, that you have a very, very special skill set you uh in addition to what you know and kind of just taking time, right? To invest in these patients, and some of those patients, and that one was that young man was with us for a minute, and I'll change some of the circumstances here, but yeah, this was someone who was having their first psychotic break. And and when that happens, from a physical standpoint, they are super freaky human. And I remember walking onto the unit that day, seeing you and Gabe, who is you plus some, you know, big guys, and I can't remember who the third person was, but but I I remember looking at you and just saying to myself, Joseph is praying for that man. And what a gift again to meet him where he is. I mean, and and this this this kid, and I I say kid because he was like 18, he felt so badly when he came back into reality and realized what had happened. But I have seen you over and over and over with the patience of a saint for the patients that the rest of us are like, they got and people were coming to me as discharge planners, like, Amy, when is this patient leaving? Because they're that much, they take that much of a toll on us on the unit. And so I've seen the Lord provide for you and even not only just supernatural physical strength, but just you're always like, you know, me, I mean, you you worked with me, you know, I was oftentimes, you know, all kind of dysregulated because that the job just wasn't great for me. I loved it, but it wasn't great for me. So it's a nice segue into, as you know, I completely burned myself out, but the Lord had plans, and that was his his his way of getting me to move on to doing the things I'm doing now. But I want to ask you, because I want to make sure you're doing this, I'm interested in your question, but you carry a heavy emotional toll.

Renewal, Identity, And Final Words

SPEAKER_00 36:55

Twelve hours a day, four to five days a week, and by the way, you're not being paid enough, so we should do a GoFundMe for Joseph. How do you carry the that heavy weight and the emotional impact of the job and still be there for your family? Because uh I'm so grateful you're turning pain into per your pain into purpose, but I want to make sure you're taking care of yourself. So, how what would you say to somebody listening to this that's done the same thing? They've dug deep and deep and deep into the pain of other people because of the pain that the Lord has redeemed them from. How do you carry that weight?

SPEAKER_01 37:32

You gotta refresh yourself and constantly be renewed. The way I get renewed is by the word. Um, I know it sounds so simple, but I have to be intentional about the way I move. When I move throughout my day, it's kind of kind of what you were telling me about as far as the emails we sent. But how I move throughout the day and setting a tone for the day, that's always getting into the word and meditating on the word, and you know, just sustaining that that mind focus of things above. Because when I'm thinking about things above, things around me are very manageable. It's I almost picture Simon when he's getting out of the boat, and I can only imagine what he's you know, the you know, I almost feel like Simon sometimes. I just feel it rage around the wind, but it doesn't affect me if anything, it just cools me down because I'm just sitting there with the Lord, you know. For me, it's just really setting myself up for that. And I can tell you this I really, really miss the cue on that at times. Because when I don't eat right in the mornings or I'm not involved in meditating with the Lord that day, guess whose power I'm going on then?

SPEAKER_03 38:53

Right.

SPEAKER_01 38:54

Yeah, now I'm getting burnt out, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 38:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:57

What's that do? That directly affects my uh not only me, but my family because who am I coming home to? Right. So I've learned, you know, especially the way I grew up, you know, I had to teach myself as a father. You can't be yelling at your kids, man. What's wrong with you, man? Tighten up, man. There's a way to talk to people, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05 39:16

Right.

SPEAKER_01 39:17

Go about things. Just a manipulator, you want to manipulate things a good way. Let's do that, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 39:23

I get that a lot from friends and family too, because they're they know what I do for a living. But yeah. And I think that's huge, right? I think that on a podcast where we're talking about turning your pain into purpose, it's going to uh also include the Prince of Peace, right? Pain into Purpose from the Prince of Peace. And so I don't know how any other how we do it any other way. And when I look back on that experience and how much I loved it, uh I I would say that that is probably where I missed the mark was trying to do it on my own strength. And instead of remembering that his strength is made perfect in weakness, I think that it I just kind of got to a point where I that wasn't really the principal thing for me anymore. And I think that's a cautionary tale to people who are doing jobs like you have and like I had, where we are just investing in people and pouring into people, and you know that old adage goes, you can't pour from an empty cup. It matters what you're filling that cup up with, though, right? Especially if you have a history of traumatic events or just life in general. And so I I love that it's that for for you, it's by that renewing of your mind, and that's awesome. So you have shared some pretty intense things with us, drug addiction being one of them, heroin, cocaine meth. Um, you you you have not been ashamed to tell us that, hey, I had a kid and I was doing this, and and the Lord just kind of came into your life and changed that story for you. But there's somebody listening to this podcast, probably with earbuds in their ears at night, and and and they're thinking, I'm the biggest failure ever. I am a drug addict, I am addiction, I am never going to make it. What would you say to people uh who feels ashamed of their of those particularly those addiction struggles? And you might be speaking to some people you love right now. And so take your time in answering this. What do you say to somebody who says, I'm I'm just a drug addict?

SPEAKER_01 41:22

I remember coming into Christ, maturing into Christ, and a little bit of my uh addiction. I remember going around introducing myself, and I remember I identified only as a recovering addict. I was like, wow. I remember when my elders came up to me, it was like, look, man, I you can't be telling everybody you're a recovering heroin addict. Like, just not doing it for this population right now. He's like, You're a child of God. Man, what does that mean? You know what I mean? What does a child of God mean? From then on, I just stopped really identifying as those things that were meant to break me, and things that were made to kill still undestroy, but now I'm identifying as a child of God, and by his grace, I'm just able to keep going. You know what I mean? That's just I don't know what I answered.

SPEAKER_00 42:18

Well, it did answer it because I think that what we would say to somebody who is struggling with addiction or struggling with um life in general or struggling with anything that they're ashamed of is you are not that. Right. And I I think that's beautifully answered because so many of us who have been through lives like you and ha I, and we didn't get really deeply into your family of origin, but with you know, six kids and you're the oldest and your your your mom's cleaning houses, and you know, you're up in Delaware and you're 12 years old working for fuel and for food, you didn't have a great childhood, right? Which probably very much led into your addiction. And so people listening to this, there are very few people that are addicted to to drugs that said, you know what? I have had a fantastic life. I've never struggled one bit. You know, generally speaking, listener, if you are the person that is in the mires of addiction right now, you're listening to two people who have turned that in to a purpose. Where Paul says in Philippians 1.12, I want you to understand that the things that have happened to me have happened to further the gospel. And so no matter where you're listening to us right now, you're Joseph, I could easily, like, easily get addicted to pain pills again. When I when I have surgery or something like that, I'm like, nope, tunnel for me. But what we're saying to you is that your your addiction is not your identity. We cannot turn and and whoever told you that, good on them. You know, I used to walk around saying, Oh, I'm just a throwaway kid, I'm just an orphan, I'm a just this, I'm a just that, and somebody finally said, Stop, because that is not who you are. One day, one one time when I was at a speaking engagement, Joe, the pastor said, Amy, tell the people who you are. And I'm like, You know, I'm used to going, I'm Amy, and I have a degree in this, and I my job is that, and the da-da-da-da-da. Or my name is Amy, and I had a terrible childhood, and look at me, I'm better, I'm I'm good, you know, it didn't define me. And that's not the words that the Lord gave me that day to say to that pastor when he said, Introduce yourself to the people. And this is what I said, and it's right up there because that same friend, her husband was a pastor, she got this for me in a little plaque. I said, My name is Amy, and I am the precious daughter of the Most High God. And I will never forget that because it was such a lesson from the Lord to me. And so Well, Joe, thank you for being here. Thank you for turning your pain into purpose with those patients every single time that you um put a hand on the shoulder, or you print a scripture, or you even even even investing into the green heroes that are below you, right? They're just starting this job, getting them to understand what an opportunity, what I one of the things, and and I and I'm sure this is true of you, one of the things that I will always miss from my work in that hospital is the unbelievable privilege that I felt when I walked into a patient's room as a hope dealer. I don't want you to ever forget that, because we need you there. I know that you probably struggle to pay your bills, we but we need you there. And so I want people listening to this to know that just in the last year Joe has lost his mom and lost his brother to addiction, and you're still in that role as the older brother, where you're kind of worried about those things for your siblings. Yeah, it is, and so I want you to continue to remember how you just answered that question to me. It's like, how do you stop the the unit from being too much for you? The Lord has put you in this older brother role, and he will not call you to what he will not equip you for, and so just prayers for wisdom. You know, we do have an enemy, and you mentioned it just a few minutes ago, who is roaming this planet to kill, to steal, and destroy. And so that's my prayer over you, Joseph, as you continue to make a difference, as you continue to turn your pain into purpose, that you will be protected from the attacks of Satan, who wants nothing more than for your life to go off the rails again. And so you keep taking care of you, keep renewing your mind, keep renewing your body. And now you're headed up to Delaware in a couple days, we'll be praying for you in that regard. But I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud to know you. Again, there is somebody right now listening to this, and it could be on the other side of the world because this podcast is listened to on all seven continents, and they're thinking to themselves, Well, Joseph, Joseph is different than me, he's stronger than me, he was able to stop doing drugs and move his life uh on, and I can't do that. I'm gonna give you the last words, what would you say to them?

SPEAKER_01 47:26

You know, I don't think about myself so many times out. One thing that I can say is, oh my god. I don't want to encourage anybody. I can tell you so much. Just living unapologetically, and transparent, not having nothing to hide, just like that. Yeah. Let's go.

SPEAKER_00 48:10

Let's go, that's right, let's go. You know, the devil loves dark corners, and so we keep shining the light on the shame of addiction and the shame and and look, you you and I could probably talk for hours and hours and hours of like what happened in your childhood that made you feel unsafe and un and and unprovided for. Not that your parents are bad people. It just sounds like it was a really difficult financial situation for your family, in addition to, you know, there's generational wealth, well, there's generation unwealth, right? And so I want people to know that Joseph is he struggled with addiction, spent some time in the pokey, was roommates with a gang member, which is mind-blowing to me. But none of that defines him now. Not even his work as a mental health tech, which is admirable, worthy, noble work defines you now. Because Joseph, you are the son of the most high God. The precious son of the most high God. And so you keep turning that pain into purpose. As for us, we will be back here in two weeks on the Wednesday Switch Watson Podcast. You know what to do. Like, subscribe, share, all the things. Thanks. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Pain into Purpose with Joseph Neibert. We will be back here in two weeks. Until then, you know what I'm gonna say, you are seen, you are known, you are heard, you are loved, and you are so so valued.

SPEAKER_02 49:39

It's the God of the Sally.